12/25/2008 - All I ask of you, is Believe

So this is the time of year when I write my year in review. I had a completely different blog written in my mind that I am putting on hold for a bit. Instead you get this one. I'm sure you'll enjoy it either way. So I give you a Christmas Wish, er, blog.

So this year started out with Jamie and I in downtown Columbus partying out butts off. And although we ended our relationship, I am so very grateful that we have been able to maintain our friendship. She is truly a wonderful person.

I moved from Dublin, in the "burbs" of Columbus, to downtown Columbus, at the beginning of the Short North. And oh how I have loved it. I have made some INCREDIBLE friends here, most from columbusunderground. They have really made my time here enjoyable and I hope we all stay friends for a long time to come. So to Powell, TheFightingLibrarian, OSULew, Shmack, Brent, theDahlmanator, Tracy, and all my other new friends, thank you for making me feel at home.

My job started out at a place that is great to work at, if you enjoy coasting and not being able to grow. We all know I can't live my life like that. So I moved on to a job I truly enjoy. It challenges me and keeps me at my game, always putting me in situations that allows me to learn new things. I look forward to the freedom they give me as well as the future of my career.

My love life was nothing short of a train wreck this year, most likely a sign of me still trying to find myself and happiness. I will still fight for that elusive true love I still so strongly believe exists. I know what I want. I know it's out there. And some day I hope the time will be right that everything falls into place.

As I sat watching the Trans Siberian Orchestra just a few days ago, I was thinking about a song that helped open my eyes back when I was a freshman in college. Believe by Savatage (I told you I would talk about it again!) When I was a freshman I was lost. No idea who I was. And through the magic of Columbia House I found this band Savatage. And with it a song called Believe off their Streets album. My favorite band and my favorite song, 12 years later. I would go for jogs in the middle of the night, listening to that album and that song night after night. Hoping for clarity, believeing I would find it.

And there I sat last Saturday, wishing they would play it. And then they did. Sometimes there are times in your life when you need to look for the signs. To see more than is there. Sometimes the little things matter more than anything else. And this small thing, to have a song played, made me pause. It caused me to just stop always trying to rush and control and always have to know what's going on. And instead, my goal for next year is to just believe. Believe that life is just getting started, that things will fall into place, that everything happens for a reason.

So to all of you, I hope you see the little things as we enter this new year. I hope you cherish them. And I hope you all find the courage to just Believe. And with that, I leave you with my favorite lyrics ever written:

So after all these one night stands
You've ended up with heart in hand
A child alone
On your own
Retreating

Regretful for the things you're not
And all the dreams you haven't got
Without a home
A heart of stone
Lies bleeding

And for all the roads you followed
And for all you did not find
And for all the things you had to leave behind

I am the way
I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark
I hear your screams
Don't turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I'll be right there
I'll never leave
All I ask of you
Believe

Your childhood eyes were so intense
While bartering your innocence
For bits of string
Grown-up wings
You needed

But when you had to add them up
You found that they were not enough
To get you in
Pay for sins repeated

And for all the years you borrowed
And for all the tears you cried
And for all the fears you had to keep inside

I am the way
I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark
I hear your screams
Don't turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I'll be right there
I'll never leave
And all I ask of you is
Believe

12/22/2008 - You can't give up, when you're looking for a diamond in the rough

Happy Birthday Christie! I hope it's a special one, just like you!

So Friday nigt I went to a white elephant party. I brought a gift I entitled "A night to yourself". In it was a bottle of wine, a bunch of bananas, a pack of condoms, and a tube of KY. The best part was I included the receipt showing I bought the bananas, condoms, and KY all at the same time. The look on the cashiers face was priceless.

Then Saturday I got to see Trans Siberian Orchestra again, which was just phenomenal. The music was great and they played some non Christmas stuff. The light show and pyro was spectacular as well. The highlight of the show and ANY show I have ever seen was that they did a song called Believe by Savatage, the guys that formed TSO. Look for another blog post about that but I was so happy...

I'd also like to mention that David Cook's album is quite good and highly recommended.

12/19/2008 - I'm lucky I know but I want to go home

Did you ever have that feeling that you had everything you ever wanted in life but you weren't allowed to have it? Not sure what I am supposed to do about that feeling. I am so used to just going after what i wanted. So used to just doing it and getting it and fighting for it and accomplishing it because that's just how I am. I want it and I make it happen. Someone once told me that you can't quit. That I am not a quitter. And I have always lived my life by that rule. But what happens when it's out of your hands? When you don't have control? When you just have to trust and hope and give control? I don't know how to deal with that. And maybe that is my curse. My weakness. I never thought I had one. And maybe that's OK.

12/17/2008 - It's not too late. It's never too late

You know what really chap's my ass? People that start sentences in real life with "You know what really...". I mean, just say it. Don't ask. I'm not a fucking mind reader. The story could be over already! And you know what else bothers me? (see I just wasted yet another second of your life) Anyhow. This whole bullshit about saying happy holidays and merry christmas and glorious hannukah and marvelous kwanza and stupendous festivous and everyone getting their panties all up in a bunch if you say the wrong thing because they don't follow that religeon or celebrate that holiday or BLAH BLAH BLAH. Shut your damn mouth you whiney little bitch. Get over it. The world is not revolving around you. You're lucky someone even took the time to wish your lame ass ANYTHING. The holidays are not about being right or wrong. It's about being annoyed at the world and stressed out and just wishing everyone would leave you alone. DUH. Jerk off.

I do so love online shopping tho. I did not have to step foot in a store this year. Everyone is done, everyone gets one big ticket item, and I'm all set. I have been done for 2 weeks now! This weekend won't be anywhere near as good as it would have been, but Friday I have a white elephant party and Saturday is Trans Siberian Orchestar. Those are meager offerings compared to what I WAS going to be doing for the next couple days, but it is just is. I don't mean to belittle these activities with my friends as I know it will be a blast, but you know. My heart is somewhere else.

Then the 27th is a holiday partay in Cleveland I will be attending, which should be a fun time. This is the first year I do not have plans for new years. Like, nothing. It's pretty insane. And in two months I will be living back in cleveland again until my house sells. Oh Joy. At least it's only temporary and I can save some skrilla up while I am doing it. So you bitches in Cleveland better be ready for my return!

12/16/2008 - This world will never be what I expected

So I have this favorite movie right. It's called What Dreams May Come. It's really a beautiful movie and I recommend everyone seeing it. It's actually based off of a book by Christopher Matheson, the same guy that wrote I Am Legend. I plan on reading the book some day but I watch the movie too often to get to do that. I am a firm believer in true love and that one person exists for everyone and this movie portrays that perfectly. And it's not easy and you have to fight for it and you can never give up. And I won't. Because I hesitate to even imagine living in a world where that doesn't exist. Where love is coincidental. Where there are hundreds of people we could love and be with and be perfectly happy.

To me there is only that one person that compliments you so completely that you can just sit back and be happy. You don't have a care in the world. You can just be yourself and nothing else matters. But it has to exist, for me. Because if it doesn't, what does that make heaven like? If there are hundreds of people you could love and you just pick one, who do you spend eternity with? If the person you always loved dies, and you marry someone else, then what? Who are you up there with? No. For me life will always be about finding that person. That one person you can spend forever with. And if you don't find it, you do it again. And again. Until you do. And that gives me hope and a reason to never give up. To never stop fighting. To know that life can be beautiful and that some day, it will be.

12/11/2008 - I'm so addicted to. All those things you do

So I have this problem with America right now. We are being bombarded with these Super Heroe movies. And I believe it's because of our societies dream to just have someone swoop in and solve all of our problems for us. And I'm pretty sure that's the only reason Obama even won the election. Now let me state, I am not an Obama hater. I neither love nor hate him. I'm just gonna wait and see. However, we have this ideology of being saved. That it's so clearcut that we have villains and heroes all around us. Big banks go down, there needs to be a villain. We NEED to find someone to blame. Auto makers are getting screwed up. Who's fault is it? The bottom line is that we are ALL villains and we are ALL heroes. We cause our own problems and we are also the only ones that can save us. Not one man. Single entities do not bring us down and they do not help us back up. It's the collective. The whole. So stop crying and feeling sorry for yourselves. Look at what we did as a country after 9/11. Look at what can be accomplished if people work together. It's time to forgive the mistakes we have made and start moving forward. Start picking ourselves back up. We all need to be heroes.

12/08/2008 - You're all I dream about

I have lots to talk about today. Not sure if I will get to it all! OK so first I bought WALL-E on Blu Ray yesterday. I saw it at costco and I have wanted to see it and I want to get ALL the Pixar movies on Blu Ray. Two things, Blu Ray and Pixar go incredibly together. Seeing these movies in high def is simple beautiful. Option B, this movie is AWESOME. I loved it. It was funny, cute, sweet, and clever all in one. I am hella glad I bought it! I also bought Batman Begins on Blu Ray since Dark Night is out tomorrow.

I have forgotten to mention I saw Golden Compass on DVD finally. I finished that book and the second book, the subtle knife. The books are pretty good. They don't START getting good until well into the first one. I am also done with the third and final book in the trilogy. Good books. But no Narnia. Not even close. The movie was just MEH to me.

My workouts are going VERY good I think. If I can stop eating like a pig, I'll be good to go. I'm down to about 200 lbs. Still benching 300+ though and I can ALMOST see some abs and stuff. I am going to REALLY buckle down these next two weeks and see what I can do. I've never seen my abs in my LIFE.

California was a brief trip this past week. two days really, which is a KILLER on the fatigue factor. I was exhausted. But it was a good meeting on Friday. But I also got to see the guy who got me hired and his wife and baby. We went to dinner both nights. It was fun. Their baby is adorable! I was so nervous driving with a two month old in my car, but we made it safe and sound. I drove them to the city Friday night as they stayed the weekend and we had dinner in San Fran. Then I went back to the hotel and CRASHED. Next up is St Louis for a week and then off to SWEET HOME ALABAMA!!!!

12/02/2008 - Because a girl like you is impossible to find

So Mike and Lauren told me about this Red Box thing. Do you people know about this? Basically it's these self vending machines they put at grocery stores and gas stations and you can rent DVDs for $1 a day. Well I have been totally been digging it. I have seen the Incredible Hulk, Hancock, and Hellboy 2 over the last few days for $3! It's been great. And my playstation 3 does an incredible job at upconverting DVDs so they look fantastic. I actually really enjoyed Hancock. I have heard people bad mouth it. But I really thought it was enjoyable. I don't know why I was on a super hero kick. Ah well.

So this past weekend after Thanksgiving was OK. I had a lot to be thankful for this year. Having Christie in my life being number one by far. Also my new job is pretty bad ass. And my mom is just the best. And I have great friends. And lots of skills. So Friday night Mike and Lauren and I went out to a bar in my home town of Euclid, OH. And well I got told I was hot by a girl. And they keep making fun of me. I love how me being hit on is a joke. I don't understand why that is so damn funny. You shut your damn mouths!!!!! It's still nice turning someone down from high school though just because I couldn't get the time of day back then. No really. I once asked a girl for the time of day and she slapped me.

Ok that's not true. But I have lots of stories. Here's one. In my home room I was right by the door. And I would just do my homework or sleep. Well every once in a while these bastards would take my books when the bell rang and I would have to chase them around the halls trying to get them back. When I was a freshman this senior walking passed me just punched me. Just right there in the hall. For no reason. Right in the chest. As hard as he could. And this other time this dude squirted ketchup all over me in the cafeteria. I could go on and on. But I won't.

12/01/2008 - See the love in my women's eyes

So I bought a few songs off walmart.com yesterday. A few of them are songs that Christie introduced me to. We have the exact same taste in music. It's pretty awesome. Anyhow, walmart has this thing where the top 20 songs downloaded are only 74 cents. Here's what I got:

• Let It Rock - Featuring Lil Wayne - this is just a fun song
  
• I'm Yours - this is by Jason Mraz. It's great if you like love songs with like a rastafarian twist
  
• Fall For You - again, a good love song with a punky kind of twist to it
  
• Chicken Fried - this is just one of the best songs released this year. Christie actually introduced it to me a few weeks ago. She was ahead of the curve ;) even if you don't like country you will enjoy this song
  
• Bartender Song - FUN song. And I mean, it has Hank Williams Jr. Enough said.
  

11/30/2008 - I'm yours

Check out this video of my house!

11/26/2008 - I won't hesitate no more

So coincidence. Billy tells me to go see Girl Talk and I got tickets Monday night to see....Girl Talk. I've heard great things.

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I'll be returning to the land of Cleve tonight to spend time with the FAM and the friends and the puddin and the pops. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.

I had this really weird dream last night where I was going to Hawaii by myself. I was leaving from my mom's house and I forgot to bring all my stuff. So I had to pack just the clothes I had at her place and like clothes from high school and stuff. It was pretty fucked up. I'd rather punch myself in the face with a hammer then dress like I did in high school. I mean sock with sandals? Polo shirts with black jean shorts? What the fuck. Why didn't anyone help me!!!!!!

11/25/2008 - IT IS JUST IS

SO I went to the Plain White T's concert last night with my buddy Brent. And well, I felt like a pedophile. I mean, other than the 55 year old PARENTS that were there, I think I was the oldest person there to SEE THE BAND. And then I wished I was there with a little youngin so I could show them how to rock out. Because the kids at the concert had no clue. They weren't dancing. They weren't singing along. They weren't even bobbing their damn heads. They were taking lots of pictures with their phones though. LAME. We are raising LAME children who are too afraid to have fun and be themselves. It was like they were all on prozac.

That then segways into the following. I know I have always told everyone I never wanted children. I need to clarify that. I have ALWAYS wanted children actually. BUT I am not one of those people that would die if I didn't have them. I only want them if I find the right person. If I have that kind of marriage that I feel is a good environment to bring a child into. I want to do it the right way.

11/24/2008 - You don't know us, chief

So Christie and I were playing a game of "Gotcha Last" over text messaging until I realized she had no idea what "Gotcha Last" even was. Then I started wondering if ANYONE remembered the show PinWheel. Below you will find the intro song. I realize I have a very odd memory so I am not doubting I am one of the only people who remember this show, much less the game. I couldn't even find a youtube clip on it, so I KNOW it's rare.


I hope everyone likes the "winter solstice" version of dreddonline. Up next is the new years eve design and then a nice sappy Valentine's Day deisgn!

11/23/2008 - There's a life inside of me That i can feel again

So I needed to mention while I am thinking about it that the new 3 Doors Down Album, self titled, is fantastic. Lots of great songs. I especially love "Your Arms Feel Like Home", "Let me be myself" and this song:

11/19/2008 - This I swear

Hi kids. So it's been awhile. I have been kind of getting my life in a bit more order. Figuring some things out. I basically gave up drinking, which has been nice. I've had a glass of wine with dinner here and there but other than that and a Citizen Cope concert, I have had NADA. It's been nice. And SO much cheaper!

So back to Citizen Cope. I ended up going with Jamiers and her boyfriend and her Dad. Now many of you probably thinking that's a weird foursome. But I had a blasty blast! Jamier's Dad is the most awesome Dad I have ever met and well I get along just fine with Jamier's BF, so it was a good time! And a great show! Highly recommend seeing them.

I went to DC over this past weekend as well to see the Reid family. Again, a blasty blast. Had lots of fun. It's nice being around a married couple that you can tell loves each other. And Ok, I had some drinks in DC as well. But I didn't get a buzz or anything. Just some casual drinking. We went to go see Paul F Thompkins on Saturday night and he is a FUNNY mother fucker. You should all go see him.

These last couple days my life just got even better. Just because I say so. I discovered a lot about some things that were right in front of my face this entire time. And I'm happy. Incredibly happy! So thank you. You know who you are ;)

11/06/2008 - Pinned down and abused for being strange

So I stopped by Famous Footwear after the Doctor today as I need some new dress shoes. They are having a half off your second pair sale and get this! If they don't have your size, they will ship the right size to you for free! So I got a pair of Steve Maddens and some Soho Lab kicks for $60! They are both normally $100 a pair. How bad ass is that. I was happy. Maybe a little too happy. Sorry about that little "accident" I had in those sketchers Mr. Stock Boy!

Other than that I am BUSY BUSY with work. It's nice and the fact I get to work from home means I can do my work while watching the Browns game tonight. Neat, eh? Go Brady! Hopefully he doesn't suck. He looks fragile. I hope he's not as weak as that pretty boy exterior says he is. I think that's about it for today my pets!

11/05/2008 - Is there something more than what I've been handed?

So we have a new president. Congrats to all the ObamaMama supporters. I hope you made the right decision. Somehow I doubt it. But I guess we'll see.

I'm re-learning Crystal Reports at work. It's pretty fun. Nice to get back into at least "pseudo" programming. Though I do get to play with javascript and java more in the next few months. SHIBBY!

11/04/2008 - I want you to show me

This is genius:


Hmmm, so I had an interesting weekend. Halloween was fun and High Ball was awesome! Very cool concept. I hoep they do it again next year. Then the rest of the weekend I spent hanging out with ex-girlfriends. Ha ha. Maybe that means I have too many. Or that I am so awesome that they still want to be my friend. Either way.

I went to a gay bar for the first time Saturday night. I was a blasty blast. Cross dressers every where and stuff. It was just fun to be out of my element. This week, work is keeping me extra busy. Fun fun fun! Oh and I am going to Washington D.C. Nov. 14th, so that should be fun. And then when I get back I am going to go see Citizen Cope! How cool is that!

10/31/2008 - Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here

My friend and I went for a hike last night and totally got lost. It was such a beautiful night though. I love this time of year; the smell of nature’s decay in the air and the breezes that pop out of nowhere, cold against your face as the red hue fills your cheeks and the sniffles your nose. And while horrid any other time of the year, it’s almost acceptable now, in this month of October. The glamorous golden spectrum of the leaves as they fall around you is mesmerizing, blowing this way and that in your path, moving as if they had a mind of their own, reminding you that the world is not always what you think it is or could be. It’s that magical touch that makes me love October and Fall in general. With death all around you, it really makes you feel alive, the end becoming the beginning.

We decided to go to this area called the Outer Banks in northern Columbus. Its a little more “rugged” than the other parks as the paths are not concrete. And we all know how I like to let my wild side free. As we started down the first path it was about 6:30. Plenty of time we thought. As we walked we nearly had the bejesus scared out of us when a biker came flying down the path without so much as a whisper of a warning. Jack ASS!!! Of course at that point I had the bright idea to venture into the wild. It’s just Columbus though, how wild could it be. And less annoying bikers at the very least! Anyhow, we made our own path through some trees and to our surprise it just kept going. And so we followed. And followed. It was obvious this USED to be a path, but who knows how long ago it had been when someone had last traveled this trail. The ancient and rusted PBR cans, however, told a story of teenage parties and secret trysts only Jason Voorhees could admire more. As the sun went down we ventured further, assuming the trail would lead us back to the parking lot. Stubbornness running through our veins.

As we stumbled into a clearing we fell upon a worn down shack, long since deserted. Hoping for a new discovery we headed inside! A couple abandoned blankets and burnt out candles were strewn across the floor of this otherwise deserted, ghostly house. A light rain began to fall from the sky and so we stayed, a brief retreat from the elements. The wind through the boards whistled to us as if it was trying to say something. Run, stay, play with me, the voice was not clear. The rain soon left and so did we, leaving our shanty behind, thankful for its temporary safety.

The path lead us deeper and as we went, silence followed. The call of crickets faded into our memories. Squirrels scampering through the leaves preparing for a long winter simply disappeared. The only sound was the amazement in our voices until suddenly we heard a crash. Something was coming towards us, emerging through the trees as a shadow in the night. We stood our ground until suddenly the dark shape showed its true self. A young deer scampered into the path just ahead of us. Our worries were for naught until the youngling collapsed at our feet, blood slowly oozing from a wound on the back of its neck. Or where its neck had once been. It had been ripped away, bitten off in jagged fashion. Our faces were shocked and ghastly. We looked at each other without words, unable to utter a sound, until a rumbling brought us out of our confusion. Thunder we figured as we gazed out at the sky, a lone shooting star giving us one final wish for the night. But then something caught our attention. Movement. An undulation in the woods. It was as if the night was coming alive.

We contemplated what was happening and what we needed to do. Turnaround was the only answer. It was now 9:00 PM and darkness shrouded us. As we headed toward the shack, shock was the only emotion we could fathom. Until fear sunk in. Safety was fleeting as we approached our former safe house. The shadows crept at us, living beings now instead of just illusions. We were surrounded; by what we did not know. We ran for the shelter of our one time friend and closed the door behind us. Through the cracks we could see them approach. A dozen or so black shapes with fantastically glowing eyes. Large and sunken, alarming stop lights in the night. Gaping mouths were barely visible but for the sheen of the moonlight on their teeth. Razor sharp weapons destined to tear us apart. The blood dripping from their jaws showed a former feast that only left them wanting more. As they closed in, the rain began to come down again. As it hastened, so did they. I held fast to the door, the only entrance to our now prison.

It felt like we were in there an eternity when the wood started to give way. You could hear the snap of boards with slim, quick hands moving into the holes that now replaced them. We stomped and clawed and hit them as soon as they appeared, enraging them even more. Though they uttered no sounds, the anger in their eyes could not be mistaken. What did we have left? Minutes? Seconds? As these thoughts danced in our heads, the beings became more vicious. Scratches filled our arms as they tore at us with everything they had. We would die here; a wooden tomb had sealed our fate. But then it came. A shallow rumble in the distance. The storm came closer and with it our savior for as the growl of nature continued the scratching and tearing subsided. We could see the fear in their eyes as it intensified. Why, we did not know. As they sulked away they turned to look back upon their lost prey one final time. With eager curiosity we peered through the boards, straining to catch a glimpse of our terror. As the lightning streaked across the sky we saw them for what they really were. We became speechless once again.

10/30/2008 - Don't Think I Don't Think About It

So House and Heroes have been phenomenal this yea. Especially Heroes. Best season ever I think. And house got SO good this week. SO I've been happy with the 2 shows I care about.

So I have Goo on my Wii. Ha ha. Seriously folks, Gotta mention that the World of Goo for the Wii is BAD ASS. It's on Virtual Console and one of the best games available for the system. Get it if you have a Wii!

Halloween is tomorrow! YAY! I know you're all excited. My costume is pretty sweet for the Masquerade Ball. I'm excited to see it all together. pictures next week!

10/28/2008 - Every waking moment I'm alive

Day 4 of having no heat in my apartment continues. It's freezing in here today. The funny part is I didn't even notice untiol like Saturday afternoon. HA HA. Here's the story. Thrusday night a drunk driver was driving down my street one way. A Taxi the other. The drunk driver ran the taxi off the road and it crashed into my building. Right where there is an external gas line. Luckily I wasn't around but they evacuated the entire building until the gas was off. They fixed everything Saturday except for 3 apartments. Mine is one of them. Supposed to be fixed today. Lets hope!!!!

10/27/2008 - Nobody wants to be the last one there

So this was an interesting weekend! Friday was the first Halloween party and Duffman made a re-appearance. friend went as a sweet gypsy. It was fun. Then we watched the happening, which was a lot better than most people said, but still worse than any other M. Night movie.

Saturday I watched the buckeyes lose. I left at half time and watched the rest of the game from my apartment. I was glad I did so as I did not want to deal with the insane fans who couldn't deal with us losing. It happens.

Sunday was a very random day. I watched the Browns game and headed up to Garage Bar to hang out with some friends. Then we found out GWAR was playing and not sold out. So we went. WOW. I'm glad I went, but it really wasn't a good show. Just loud noises and fake blood. You see, they SPEW fake blood over the entire croud. I had on Affliction and Sevens though, so I stayed in the back. I had flip flops on too. These people who go to these shows. Hmmm. They seem pretty retarded. In a bad way though. That "Hey I get easily brain washed and I can't wait to live in a trailer with my girlfriend and our 3 kids only 1 of which is mine" kinda way. Then we went to hound dogg's for pizza. It was my first time. This place is treated like the holy grail of late night food in Columbus. It was OK.

I'm a banana:

10/22/2008 - Where was the magic when you need it the most

So I added comments up there. Pretty neat, eh? Now I get to play God with your thoughts. MUAHAHAHAHA. It still does not allow blank names, blank messages, or HTML. So don't try. There were 3 random comments from people I don't know on there even when the page was gone from the site. Guessing they are from trolling spam bots. Ah well. They like my site, and if spam bots like my site, I'm happy. I mean, Fuck you spam bots! I hope you burn in hell!

Me and the friend are going to see some band called Frightened Rabbit tonight. What a cool name. Frightened Rabbit. I just picture this sweet little innocent white bunny cowering. Shaking. So scared. It's OK Mr. Bunny. It's OK.

10/20/2008 - Who can say when the road ends

I had an really good weekend this past weekend! Me and my friend went to see the Dracula Ballet Friday. It was really fun! And my first ballet. She's going to introduce me to one that's a little more flashy with the dancing. Then we went to cheesecake factory and got some delicious Strawberry Martinis. They are to die for! Damn that sounds gay.

Saturday I went home to see my Aunt and cousin. Then I met up with some friends at the Winking Lizard in Macedonia. Good times. Sunday I raked the leaves in my lawn and had lunch with my friend Jen at Macaroni Grill. Hoping my house sells soon. I left it good vibes. I think. Maybe? Lets hope!

This week should be fun. We have Frightened Rabbit on Wednesday and then Friday is a costume parTAY. Heroes is on soon! This season is sooooo good! So interesting story. I got a facebook message from a guy that used to make fun of me and friendk on me in high school. He apologized. I've never had that happen. It was interesting, and appreciated. Sometimes growing up wasn't easy, but it was always worth it in the end. Now I feel like I can handle anything. I forgave him.

10/16/2008 - And...I'm...SPENT

So the site is done for halloween. And the story is coming along nicely. So it will be ready for all hallow's eve. I never really realized how much I missed Photoshop until I got it back again. But I think you can tell the difference. This is my best site design...probably ever. I am really digging it. Let me talk about that for a second.

So basically my site has 4 regions as you can see. This part, the blog part, consists of a text file and 2 images. The right side consists of sa twitter feed, a text file, and 2 images. And the top is an image file and an image map. The two text files I import into a form field that I can get to anywhere in the world and edit my blog on the fly. When I change the design, I change 5 image files. It's as simple as that. It's taken me years to perfect but now that it's done, it's just nice and easy!

10/14/2008 - I am the one hiding under your bed

OH OH OH. OK, so new ammo for everyone to make fun of me for but it's exciting stuff. My friend told me about This studio so I tried it out for back waxing and I also got a facial there. Yes. I said facial. Shut your pie hole. Anyhow. This lady is awesome. My face has cleared up so much in just 4 days. If you live in Columbus and need services like this, do not hesitate. It's truely amazing the work she does and the prices are not bad at all. GO NOW!

We're getting closer! Soon the site shall be complete and the TRUE power of Dreddonline will be revealed.

So me and my friend are gonna try and finish our halloween costumes this week. FUN! I'm so getting in the mood the closer we get. I miss scaring the children though. Tee Hee.

I think I am going to try and dig out my old Huffy bike from my Mom's shed this weekend. I'm sure it needs work. If it sucks I may just run up to Target and friendk something up instead. It would be nice to have one!

10/13/2008 - Through the River So Deep

I'm workin on the design. Patience my pets. Patience. I have photoshop again. It's been about a year since I've had it, so it's taking me some time to get back into it! We'll get there.

10/08/2008 - Or am I only dreaming?

One more day here in Madison Wisconsin. Then I'll be back in C-bus!! YAY! That's good because Ohio is absolutely beautiful in October AND it's my favorite month AND I have lots of halloween plans with my new friend. That's partner in crime for all you noobies out there. Work was kinda dumb this week. The next few weeks will be busy in a good way though. I need to create a better work space at my apartment. I need to figure that one out. If I could put my personal computer monitor on the wall, that would help. Hmmmm. Davey Likey. Break out the tools!!!!

The site will get re-done very soon with this year's halloween theme. Excited Aren't You? That's a line from Nightmare Before Christmas BTW. I also got tickets to the Trans Siberian Orchestra for December. EXCITING. So my street in Columbus is closing down on halloween for a Masquerade! I got my mask. It's pretty sweet, just needs to be Dave-ified. Which means skulls or something of that nature. And then I need to finish the costume, which should be fun too. I'll be in Cleveland Saturday the 18th to see my Aunt from Rochester, NY. Haven't seen her in ages. So to all my Cleveland peeps, if you want to hang out, drop me a line.

06/27/2008 - Buck Futter

This article about PBR is funny. I wonder how soon Schlitz will be the new beer in Columbus? Or Stroh's. Or Blatz. I am sure it will happen. Sooner than later.

I'm so glad it's Friday. I need to unpack all my shit! All my electronics are done though. Obviously that was most important. My TV is all set up and so is my computer. My fridge is completely bear. It's comfest this weekend so I am going to check that out tomorrow. Most likely be in and out all day.


Muhammad "The Cat" Ali - Watch more free videos

06/26/2008 - If I was going through HELL, I'd only want one person in the whole world by my side.

My new word is douchebaggery. Please try and incorporate it every day. For instance, when someone is doing something obnoxious or uncouth, you can say that is some real douchebaggery.

Kid rock is a good person.

I love this song. You should too.

06/25/2008 - It's about NOT giving up

This sucks. There goes my please for the death penalty for rapists. Maybe we should have someone rape these people who make these policies and then see if they want to change their minds. Or perhaps have one of their family members go through the ordeal. Or SOMETHING. It seems pretty obvious to me. It should be an option.

Hey everybody! I'm back! You missed me didn't you?

I went four wheelin, fishing, swimming at this secluded area where people hunt deer, but it's in the off season so we had it pretty much to ourselves. We hung out with her Dad and step mom there. I had never been four wheeling, it was so much fun. I want one! It's like getting to ride crack, instead of sniffing it. You can go FAST and you're FREE from laws and speed limits and cars with babies. I just want to go fast, oh precious little baby Jesus. Oh and I saw an Armadillo. How cool is that. Sunday night we went and played pool and darts. She kicked my ass at pool. Then I kicked her ass at darts. SWEET REVENGE!

Monday we went to Galveston and did some sight seeing and walked on the beach. Except it was hot as balls, so by sight seeing and walking on the beach, I mean I was sweating profusely. Like a human sprinkler. And then I had to leave, which sucked. Good times though! I will get the pictures uploaded but I have to re-size them son bitches.

Then yesterday I started moving to the Short North! The apartment looks pretty sweet already. I'm about half way done with the moving. Not too shabby!

06/20/2008 - The place that I was tryin to reach, was you right here in front of me

Thank you to everyone that helped celebrate my birthday last night! It was a blast! YAHOO! Pictures next week! Until then, everyone have a safe weekend.

Pokemon go in. You know what goes out the other side? Motherfuckers! That is classic.

Buy me this!!!

06/19/2008 - And he lived happily ever after... to the end of his days

So I'm 30. Dammit. It's been a long road so far, but everything is finally starting to fall together. My life is just getting started! The next 30 years are going to blow the previous 30 away!

I got to pitch last night! We lost, but I did good. The starting pitcher gave up 7 runs and no outs, so I came in as relief. My first game in 12 years. I struck out 4 but I walked 5 or 6. And I'm sore as hell. All of those walks scored too. If I can cut those out, I would have done awesome. But I'm quite happy because I'm just sore. In High school, my arm wouldn't have been moveable I threw it out so much. But I got to pitch one last time in my twenties. It felt good. Damn good.

06/18/2008 - So Hot, I want to get you alone



This is genius

Geauga Lake is no more. For those that don't know, Geauga Lake was a theme park towards the far East side of Cleveland. It could never quite compete with Cedar Point, but it was always a nice change of pace and the water park was always fun. There used to be a Sea World next door. Geauga Lake was bought by Six Flags a few years ago. Sea world closed and Six Flags bought the property, connected the two, and it became one huge theme park. Until it started it's downward spiral and was changed back to Geauga Lake. The spiral never reversed. I will always remember the trips there in the summer. The Wave pool and the Rotor were always my favorite. When Sea World left, you knew it was just never going to be the same. Sea World made that area unique. I remember those crazy ass otters and silly sea lions and the show they would put on. OH the laughs we had. And our very own Shamu, too. The light shows were phenomenal and never mind your age, you had fun. When the lights went out there, the lights faded every where else.

This is all just another sign of the decay that is Cleveland Ohio. A city on a lake, that doesn't even recognize there is a lake. A city with 3 major league teams, that doesn't know how to win a championship. And a city with 2 major financial institutions that over the last 5 years have been rocked with scandal because of a dirty executive (Key) or virtually went bankrupt because they don't understand the business of mortgages (National City). Cleveland is like the lottery winner who wins the jack pot and spends it all in a year or two, only to go right back to being poor. They have everything they need to be successful, but they just can't seem to figure out how. It's sad and it's frustrating and you just want to smack it upside it's head, scolding it like your dumb little brother. But you can't because it needs to learn on it's own or else it never will.

06/17/2008 - Just relax, and take the red one first

So i started packing last night. I killed it, but I hate packing. It's annoying and takes a lot of time and is just depressing! I wish I was a wizard or some magical being that could just make all the boxes come alive and pack themselves. Like Mickey in Fantasia with the brooms. Yeah. How do I make that happen?

Last night I ate a triple burger from Wendy's with lettuce, ketchup and mustard only. That was it. No cheese or fries or anything. It was REALLY good. And cutting out the mayo and cheese, while I love it, cuts out hundreds of calories and so much fat. And it filled me up. YUM. I also bought a Chicken BLT salad for tonight! Basically I can eat dinner for $5! You can't beat that at the grocery store. No F-ing way.

I love this damn commercial. The world would be a better place if we all just let go of our inhibitions and swore all the time. They're just words people. I've never understood the concept of swearing. Fuck = sex. But Fuck is not OK. Shit = Poop, damn = dang, ass = butt, and so forth and so on. It's ridiculous. The definition of the word is OK, but the word is not? Retarded. I mean, handicapped. That poop's handicapped.

06/16/2008 - I'm lucky I know, but I wanna go home

So this weekend was cool. Friday I just kind of chilled. Saturday I went to Cleveland for my cousin's wedding. I hadn't seen this side of the family in awhile and it was great seeing them. My cousin's are all having babies and they are growing up SO fast. It's insane. They come up to me now and say Hi. I didn't even know they could TALK. Apparently I'm a human jungle gym or something. But I really enjoyed playing with them. Probably because I've always been a big kid at heart. And it's kind of fun to toss children up in the air and catch them. It should become a sport.

This week is a busy one. I am going to be packing Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday I have a game. Thursday is my 30th birthday. Exciting stuff. Then Tuesday I will be doing most of my moving. Busy busy busy.

06/12/2008 - It can't rain all the time

So I went and hung out at the short north last night, which is where my new apartment is. I totally just felt like I was getting the once over from everyone. I just don't fit in. This is the gay/indie/hippy/goth part of town. So you have a bunch of eccentric people, who personality wise, I get along with great. But everyone judges, and when I walk in I feel like I immediately get judged as a meathead. And i understand that I suppose. And once people get to know me it's all good. But don't hate!!! Though the irony of it all can't be beat!!! I like going out here because it's so laid back. Not a bunch of people trying to hump each other. It's definitely more my scene. And I have pictures!!!!

So we started at Bodega, my favorite bar in C-bus. Tons of lesbians walking by too. Really, people watching on this street CANNOT be beat and Bodega is the king of them all if you can get on the patio. Then we went up the street to Surly Girl. On the way we passed the new Liquid bar, which caters to the lesbian crowd. The sign makes it pretty obvious:


We did not go in. I did not want to get stabbed with a high heel. This was my first time at Surly Girl. I loved the decor. Very burlesque. On the beer menu they point out beers brewed by women, which I thought, hey, who fuckin cares? They have this drink called the Dr. Feelgood, which is Vanilla Vodka and Diet Dr. Pepper. It was delish. Nice place to hang out, but they need to crank the A/C. It was hot as balls. Check out this chandelier!



Then I ended my night at Skully's, which is always a fun time. Though last night it was dead. But who cares?

06/11/2008 - Do I try too hard to make you smile?

I bought some new sunglasses last night. Oakley Straight Jackets. I like them. Plus I'm crazy, so I needed a straight jacket anyhow.

I haven't really done anything this week so I don't have anything to talk about. That kinda sucks. I don't think I'll be able to play kickball. The games are at 5:30 downtown. Who schedules games at 5:30 on a weekday? So I guess I will focus on baseball and getting back into golf some more. Baseball is going pretty well. I just want to pitch SO BAD. It's killing me.

What a complete moron. The new iPhone will also have GPS and 2x the speed of the current EDGE network. And in 2 years your contract will be up and you can get the even NEWER one. Whoever wrote this should be fired because they are obviously an idiot. I want the new iPhone!

06/09/2008 - In the mornin I'm leavin makin my way back to Cleveland

I started reading this David Sedaris book Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. And it's good. It's real funny and going well. Until like Chapter 5. When he suddenly had a strip poker game when he was like 11 with a bunch of other 11 year old boys. And he liked it. And he made one of them sit on his lap. Naked. 11 year old naked boys. I threw up a little in my mouth. So yeah, David Sedaris is gay and this book, I think, is going to be about growing up gay. Which is actually really interesting. I'm thinking maybe this book should be mandatory reading when in high school or something, just to show what homosexuals go through growing up. But yeah, so far, so good. Great writer, interesting subject matter. Certainly something I know nothing about. And I hate being ignorant.


So, this weekend was hot as FUCK so I spent most of it at the pool. Well the pool has some new inhabitants. This cute pair of duckies. And while usually I loath birds, especially geece and ducks, these two were cute. I think they were a couple. And they would just sit on the top step together. And if you got close, they would swim to the other side and quack softly at you. I need to get a video. But here's a picture! Look at these cute lil bastards!!!


I love this song:

06/06/2008 - Don't need no credit card to ride this train

I was listening to Glory Days by Bruce Springstein and realized what a depressing ass song that is. I mean, I personally think the best years of my life are still ahead of me. I would hate to have been one of those people who's best years were in High School. And not just because those people were generally deuche bags. But that would just suck ass to know the best years of your life were when you were 16 and you have nothing left to look forward to. Sucks to be you, losers.

So my friends at work are always talking about going to see bands. All the TIME! So today I sent them an e-mail response, which you can see below. I love making myself laugh.

Hey everybody! There's this new band called Ogey Pogey Jogey coming to town! They are so good! I mean, I have never heard them, but I heard they sound like every other band that comes to the Basement. Which is AWESOME!!!!! They are playing at RondoMondoUbaruFESTLooza this summer!!!! Who's IN???? It's being held in Antartica this year and there are 692 bands playing in 1 day on 50 stages!

Good video on the new Tata Nano car. I mean, it's genius. A disposable car. $2500. You can get a new one every couple years. It's brilliant. Indian people are just money when it comes to intelligence.

06/05/2008 - If you could only see the way she loves me

SEE, I'm not the ONLY one


Holy bullshit a go go. if ou click on that there link, you will get taken to kmart.com and it's product page for "abstinence pants". What the fuck. I love how the design is on the ASS. Or right next to the va jay-jay. Nothing says you don't want to have sex like drawing attention to your bits and pieces. Fuck it, lets just bring chastity belts back. And arranged marriages. And the plague.

So Obama says knock you out, huh? I'll give the man credit, he's a great motivational speaker. And I mean, what better to have for a puppet position like the presidency than someone you don't mind hearing talk, right? Or you can elect a 71 year old white dude. So many choices! All 2 of them. Democracy is retarded.

OH! And I saw Prince Caspian last night. GREAT! Love Narnia! But they can't go back. THEY CAN'T GO BACK. That part always make me sad. Why do we have to grow up! The next movie is not due until 2010 now because of delays. And then 4 more? I'm Going to be president by the time the last movie comes out!

06/03/2008 - Wait for the tone, You know what to do

I'm back to work. BOO. And slow drivers. UGH. And waking up in the morning. SUCKS. And a million other things I'd rather be doing. What can you do though.

I'm pretty pumped about the new apartment. There are a few festivals coming up I can just walk to. How awesome is that. And I want to start collecting some real art. It will all be darker in nature I'm sure. That's just my thing. I need to spray paint my end tables and coffee table black as well. Oh and I want some plants too. I think that's it.

Tonight is my first time kicking balls in decades! But it will probably get rained out. Boo. It should be fun to kick some ballz tho. I'm sure I will look like a complete idiot doing it, but still. Fun times.

05/27/2008 - If you could see me now

Hiya. Hey there. Sup. How you doing? Good. Good. It's been nice talking to you. Oh how I love awkward conversatioons. Don't you? Like when you see someone you haven't seen in awhile and you don't really like them but they see you and feel the need to come over and talk to you even though you've never said more than 3 words to them and you just want to be like, "Hey, buddy, we were never friends. I don't care what you've been up to." And then you run into them like 3 weekends in a row. And the odds of that happening are like a zillion to one and now they want to be your best friend. And you just want them to go away. PLEASE. PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. This didn't even happen to me lately. I'm just saying. I would hate it if it did.

So I had a pretty good Mem day weekend. You know, it's kind of sad. I'd say Memorial Day Weekend would be one of our most improtant holidays, and yet, I think the majority of people just see it as a day off. I think the problem is we have similar holidays. Presidents Day (kinda lame if you ask me), Veterans Day and Memorial Day. I dunno, I say combine those 3 and then add a 9/11 day and dedicate it to Police/Firemen/EMT people. Presidents Day is just dumb. We've had like 5 good presidents and a bunch of lame ones. Screw that.

SO I want to turn you all onto a band I discovered about 2 years ago. The Poodles. I told you about them before, but then I discovered them on you tube, so I'm bringing it up again. And you will listen. Oh yes, you will listen. If you like 80's rock with a current twist, check them out. I think they're big in Europe, which seems to be a theme with me since I love Savatage as well. Here's one of my fave songs by them, but also check out Crying, that one rocks:

05/23/2008 - Bumper to Bumper the Avenue was packed

You know what chaps my ass? stalled WHITE cars on the side of the road. Fake ass looking cop cars just sitting there. Then you pass them and se they are a broken down piece of shit Ford Tempo. And then you just mutter to yourself. Fucker.

So I played baseball last night! I started. In left field. Odd, I know, but I did good. My first at bat of the night and I.....get hit by the pitcher. Bastard. Next two at bats I reach base on an error and then I strike out because the umprie was a 70 year old blind man. Idiot. But everything I swung at I made contact with. I struck out on a pitch about a foot aside. Then I got home and watch the Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Metallic Penis. It sucked. Note to movie writers. We are tired of seeing the conflicted super hero movie. We get it. They were once human and sometimes they miss it. Get the fuck over it and come up with an original story line.

My friend sent me this. Remind me to kick him in the nuts. That aside, this is god-awful. I like how the audience is all a bunch of 35 year old people trying to re-live their past. PEOPLE, there is so much better music out today. Like Miley Cyrus.

05/22/2008 - Left Side, STRONG side

This may be the coolest thing I have ever seen:

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

05/21/2008 - If you don't dream big, what's the point in dreaming

Had some fun on the Spice Patio last night! It was great seeing everyone! Had a couple groups of friends there, so it was a BIT hard to manage! That $10 steak was pretty damn good, even if they don't know what medium rare means. I have a feeling they just put a bunch on there and forget which one is which, because they don't cut into them to see. Bastards. I got yelled at again for liking Miley Cyrus. I stand by my girl though! Oh and I did not have a single beer! That's two days in a row! Tonight I'm gettin me hair cut, tanning, yes I said tanning. Gotta look good for my texas trip!!! And then Mi Mexico in Gahanna. Oh and I need to find some batting cages around work...

So American Idol. David Archuletta is a little bastard. I hope you didn't vote for him. I would actually buy a David Cook album. I might buy something from Arch to help me go to sleep. The kid just isn't there yet. He needs 5 years. Too young. Either way, they will both be fine, wealthy, bastard musicians. Adored by millions of mindless fans. And the circle of life continues.

05/19/2008 - Frustrated Incorporated.

I'm a friggin GENIUS!!!
A study published by psychiatrist Dr. Aikarakudy Alias concluded that men with extraordinarily high IQ's generally had thicker, more abundant body hair than their less intelligent counterparts. He also found that the smartest members of Mensa (a high-IQ society) tended to have thick hair on their backs, as well as their chests.

...

So This week starts my no drinking for a week, week. Weak, I know. But yeah, I want to see what happens. How much weight I can lose. I figure I drink about, oh, lets say 24 beers a week. With a minimum of 120 calories a beer. That's a minimum 2880 calories a week I can remove. Which is over 400 a day. That's a shit ton really. And I know I drink Guiness and other crap, which is around 300 calories a beer. So really, I'm probably over 4,000 calories a week that I will be eliminating this week. So lets see what happens! I'll keep you all posted my friends! And enemies. I know you read this you evil bastards!!!!!


So the Cavs lost. To be honest, they did a lot better than I thought they would. Hopefully in the off season they can figure out a way to bring some good talent in. We'll see. Just one consistent oustide shooter and we'll be good. If Boobie was in that game, I hesitate to say we would have won. Ah well, life goes on.

This weekend I was back In Clevetown and it was nice to be home. Happy 30th Birthday P-dizzle! He doesn't read this but still. It was just like old times! We even did a beer run and got P a Twenty-FO of Camo malt liquor. It fucked him up something FIERCE. Then 4 of us shot gunned a beer. Including this 40 year old neighbor of his. Good times. Sunday I had to mow my lawn as it looked like a Jungle outside my window. I don't miss my shitty ass broken lawn mower, that's for damn sure!

This is an interesting article. Here's a snippet I found astonishing:
Certainly there are plenty of stable, wealthy, well-educated places in Europe, at least, where homeownership is far rarer than it is in the U.S. Nearly 70% of all Americans own their own homes; only 34% of the Swiss do. Thriving cities like Hamburg, Amsterdam and Berlin have rates of ownership of just 20%, 16% and 11% respectively, according to the United Nations.

05/16/2008 - It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life. For me.

So I found an apartment last night. It's pretty sweet and smack dab in the middle of downtown Columbus for under $700. How incredible is that. The kicthen is HUGE and totally remodeled. The bedroom is GIGANTIC. The bathroom was totally remodeled too and will suit me just fine. The only problem is the living room. It's nice, just oddly set up. I'm not worried, I'll figure it out no problem, it's just odd! But I'm excited because I can walk to everything in columbus now. I'll just need to drive to work. Which I would have to do anyhow, you know? And it's only 20 minutes to work. It's pretty exciting stuff!

05/13/2008 - I like it, I love it, I want some more of it!

So does everyone else hear these God awful car commercials? I don't get it. There are some really creative commercials out there. Some of them are hysterical. But car commercials are abysmal. They make want to drive my car off the road. Maybe that's why they suck so bad. They want people to total their cars and have to get new ones. If I hear another lame car commercial with a fake Simon Cowell, I am going to go absolutely insane!!!!! And the political ones are even worse! Who the hell writes these damn things? And the TV ads are just as bad. It's like thecar advertisers are run by monkeys. Retarded monkeys. Retarded monkeys wearing diapers and watching American Idol and State of the Union addresses all damn day.

05/12/2008 - A Dingo ate my baby!

What a great example of dumbassness. I mean, seriously. I love beer. But who in the blue hell puts a seat belt on beer? And then doesn't seat belt in their child? What's going to happen to that beer anyhow? I guess EVERY country has rednecks. I wonder what a French redneck is like? Hmmm

So what's Lebron doing in this picture? Is he:
A.) Being held back from an unruly fan
B.) Celebrating with the fan his bad ass dunk on KG
C.) Yelling at his mother
D.) Asking a beer vendor in the upper deck for a Bud



The answer is C. And while it sure SEEMS like he wants to just bite her in the face, I am sure it was a beautiful moment.

05/11/2008 - Come sail away with me!

So I had a nice weekend. Friday I went to the opening party for meatheadmania.com and helped promote and pass out supplement samples. My buddy here in c-bus is starting it up. The party was at Ohio University and it was my first time there. It was fun, not really my scene, but fun.

Saturday I saw Rascal Flatts in concert again. It was good, but not phenomenal. First, Kelly Pickler did not open, so it was just them. And they only played for 2 hours. The drive to and from Dayton lasted longer than the show. a couple songs in the lead singer pulls up a 7 year old girl and escorts her around the stage by the hand. It was cute until he started serenating her. A bit pretentious if you ask me. But then he got her to sing and it went back to cute. I still think Metallica just destroys everyone live. I've seen a few concerts in my day, GnR, Tool, Korn, Anthrax, Bare Naked Ladies, Live, Kid Rock, and a bunch of others. But Metallica just knows how to do it.

Sunday was Mother's day and I took my mom and sis to Beni Hana for some YUM YUM. Damn that shits good! Happy Moms day Mom! She does read this. I swear.

05/09/2008 - I'm walking on sunshine. Whoa OH!

Good morning everyone! Hope you're all doing well. I'm doing fan-diddily-tastic. I saw Iron Man a couple nights. Pretty good. They're doing a great job with these super hero franchises. I also stayed after the credits. And then talked to some people. Bottom line is they are going to make a bunch of movies for all the different members of the Avengers. And then make a movie called the Avengers. Pretty sweet! I was never a HUGE comic book nerd growing up, just a small one. The fun one will be Thor. Not only is Norse mythology cool, but I was almost named Thor when I was born. That's the rumor at least. Do I look like a Thor?

I'm tired of the rain. I want to enjoy the outdoors dammit! I just bought a new set of golf clubs a bit ago and I need to use them. It's been almost 2 years I think since I've golfed. WAY too long! Unless you count Wii golf. Which I do. This set is really nice though!

I've realized I don't lose my temper. Ever. UNLESS I'm driving! I hate bad drivers!!!! Grrr!

05/05/2008 - Change Everything, for Happy Ever After

Can someone please explain the point of this to me? I don't get it at all. WHY? Famous people just think they are WAY too important I think. LAME.

So Mamma Mia is getting turned into a film, ala Grease. Looks interesting. I loved the broadway version. Yes, I just said that. I'm very cultured. Fuckers.

I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall yesterday and I thought it was AWESOME. Loved every minute of it. To some, the 10 seconds of cock you see in the entire film may seem excessive, but really it was the right amount of cock. This movie needed cock.

God, this is awesome:

05/02/2008 - Startin' to come together Ricky, startin to come together

I want this

My new realtor is WAY better than the old one, so lets hope! Come on people I need some well wishes or something. Cross your fingers! HBO! Help a brother out!

I'm hungry. I think I'm gonna run by Timmy Horton's and get some chili and a sammich! YUM. So Columbus has a new radio station that is sweeping the city, 106.7. I thought it worth mentioning because it is the best radio station I have ever heard. It plays totally random shit, but good shit. Not crappy shit. But the point is, it's like a streaming internet style radio in your car. And it's SPECTACULAR.

04/30/2008 - Give me that, that, that nut

Last day of April! Yowzers, this year is going by fast. I'm still in love with Mario Kart. We'll be BFFs forever. My cold is finally getting better! YAY. I found a new realtor for my house who I think will kick a little ass, take a few names. So I think MAYBE things might be looking up. We shall see. Oh and then I found out I may get to go on training in exotic places like San Diego or Chicago for 5 days! Shibby!

Does everyone understand the pressure of having an unsold house? I get to suffer because of these idiots in the mortgage lending business giving out loans to complete morons. I hear comments about how it's the people's own fault, or the banks fault, and people who aren't experiencing it are so smug. But what about ME? I didn't do anything wrong. I have never missed a payment. I take CARE of MY kids. But do I get any sympathy? Nooooooo. Jerks.

Did you see that dude from CSI got arrested for drugs? Oh Irony, I love you to bits when you're not about me.

04/29/2008 - I'll be there for you, these 5 words I swear to you

So I got Mario Kart yesterday and it's awesome. My favorite one I think, simply for the multiplayer. The online is incredibly smooth. You don't even know you are online. It's BRILLIANT. I also picked up the Firefly complete TV series. I had $75 if gift cards. Well, not anymore. But yeah, Mario Kart on the Wii is incredibly awesome and is just FUN to play. Can't wait to try it with 4 people.

I'm still sick. And it sucks. I still haven't sold my house and that also sucks.

Oh, and thank God House is back with new episodes. This show is so damn good and last night's was no exception. It's some of the best writing on TV. Last night's was very creative and really got into some interesting topics. If you enjoy this blog, you will enjoy this show.

04/28/2008 - I've seen love come, seen it shot down

So I'm sick. Sinusitis. Hopefully I get rid of it before it turns into Bronchitis. I can pretty much see all the signs at this point so I just head in to Urgent Care and take care of it. I don't go to regular doctors, only Urgent Care. It works.

Have you heard about the creepy father who held his own daughter captive for 24 years? And had kids with her? And held them captive too? here's the story. I just don't understand this world. You hear all these horrible stories of how men treat women. It's heinous. 99% of the shit doesn't make the news. I'd be willing to venture a guess and say that at LEAST 60% of all women are abused, raped or molested in some way or another. The problem is these bastards get away with it and they don't fear the consequences. This guy should have his balls cut off and fed to him. I can only hope that the hell he is subjected to when he dies is 10 times worse than the life these poor kids had to lead. And what the fuck is wrong with the mother who doesn't notice this? She was probably molested/raped/abused, that's what. Can't we find the "fucked up dude" gene and eradicate it? Jesus. I could keep going but I should stop. Maybe I'll just become a vigilante super hero.

Friday night I went to Park Street Tavern (nice place) and then Callahan's. I think Callahan's could be pretty sweet, but I just don't get the name. The place is like a hipster bar downstairs and a dance club up. It's really like a smaller NYC club to me. But it has an Irish Pub name. That's retarded. And there is too much carpeting in it. But whatever, they have to clean that shit! The dance floor is cool because they have a DJ booth up ABOVE the floor. If done properly, it could be a cool place.

Saturday I went to the Tribe game. They've been playing really well lately. Sunday I took it easy and watched the Myst, which had a very creative and interesting social commentary, just executed horribly. I wonder if the book is any good. Sunday morning I played baseball and got to hit off live pitching and pitch to live hitters. It all went really well. My command was good and I still have a good curveball. I need to add a pitch or two. I'm thinking about trying a knuckler as my off speed. We'll see.

04/24/2008 - Careful what you wish, you just may get it

I think I'm getting a fucking cold. Son of a bitch. I need to do something about that. Grrr. So last night I went to Bar Louie at Easton after work. Which means I had to stop at the Buckle. Which means I had to spend WAY too much on a T-shirt and a new necklace. However, I have a new brand I love, Manchester Limited. Great stuff.

I then went to play Rock Band at Erik's. Then to the Patio. And then to Brother's to play darts. It was a good night, a little bit of everything. But now I feel like stuffed pig. I had a footlong from subway. That $5 deal is going to be the death of me. Jared never would have lost weight if they had this promotion going on. I was good last night and only drank rum and diet cokes. I only had one beer. And instead of fries I got coleslaw. YAY!

04/22/2008 - It's like an orgasm in your mouth

So I am now the master of smoothies. I found this cool cup thing that you attach to your blender, so that you make your smoothie right into this cup. It's awesome. Last night I had a banana pineapple concoction. This morning was banana, mixed berries, and OJ. I use a lite yogurt that has 100 calroies a CUP. And six ice cubes. No more, no less. You need SIX. I thought I should start being nicer to my body since I am a bit tough on it. So we're starting there.

04/21/2008 - Never Retreat, Never Surrender

SO this weekend was a nice one and then I had to go and get a speeding ticket this morning! Son of a BISCUIT! Stupid speed traps. And in morning rush hour no less. RIDICULOUS!!!!

So this weekend went like this:
Friday night I went to Bodega's, which is one of my favorite bars in Columbus. They have 50, FIFTY, beers on tap another shit ton in bottles. Everything you could imagine. The atmosphere is nice, the patio is fun, albeit a little small, and the service is decent. Not great, but decent. The food is pretty good too and I guess there is some sort of special grilled cheese thing on Mondays there. Columbus has 3 things that you see at the majority of bars and restaurants that you don't see anywhere else. Grilled cheese, fried pickles, and PBR. PBR is like water here. Odd.

So then Saturday I watched LOTR: Return of the King, extended edition of course. I noticed Faramir is also the dude who loses his eye in 300, so then Sunday I had to watch 300. Good Times. Saturday night went Marshalls, the Rossi, and then Bristol. Marshalls is just your typical bar that gets WAY too packed. I like it, but it's nothing special except for this incredible koi pond they have inside. the Rossi is billed as NYC style pizza. It's good pizza. It's not Giordano's pizza in Chicago, but it's good. I'd certainly eat it again and the atmosphere there is very nice. I was there with a bunch of friends, but I imagine this would be a good date spot. The Sauvignon Blanc there is delish. Last was Bristol, which is a cool dance clubbish type place. It's a good place to wind your night up at I suppose. Plus 16oz. PBR for $2 on Saturdays is a great deal. I think you have to be more into beat music, i.e. techno/house/turntable type stuff. My lack of ability in dancing prohibits me from truly taking advantage of this. Then Sunday I went to a beer tasting at Tip Top. Apparently here in c-bus they take everything literally, because this bar is on Gay St. and I'm pretty sure there were a lot of Gay people around. I obviously don't mind. As I always say, it's a win win, Lesbians are awesome and gay dudes offer no competition. So yeah, it works out. Anyhow, this was a neat bar. The appetizers were MEH. Nothing that blew me away, though their potato chip nachos are quite YUM. They have a good beer selection though and the decor is pretty neat, very old school. I felt like I was back in 1920. Unfortunately I forgot my tommy gun.

04/18/2008 - It's time to PARTAY, Lets PARTAY

YAY! It's Friday! so I'm outside working on my laptop wirelessly. It's divine. You should all be very jealous of me. If only I had a Corona or Maragrita or something. Ah well. I suppose I can settle for a nice cool breeze and looking out onto this pond over here. Yes, I'm serious. There is a pond right here. I could jump in it. I'm not going to. But I could.

04/17/2008 - I'm just sittin out here watchin airplanes

Well, it was a beautiful sunny day in Columbus, OH yesterday and Dredd decided to go get some fruity drinks and foodstuff. Living close to the CIP (Cheeseburger in Paradise), I figured why not give it a go. The patio is very nicely situated and fairly large. Large garage doors open to screens, allowing one to stay inside but still get a nice summer breeze flowing through your hair. Or in my case, lack there of. I chose the inside bar seats right next to the screen, just to avoid any wild Canadian geese I previously saw in the area. To my dismay I missed happy hour, which lasts a paltry 2 hours from 4 - 6. Lame.

I started off with a First Class Flight. This was three small glasses of their house margarita topped with Patron Silver, Grand Marnier, and somethig else I forgot. They basically sucked. The Margaritas are WAY too sweet and the minimal amount of alcohol in them is barely noticeable. Suckage.

For an appetizer I had the Crab and spinach dip with chips. You know this is on it's way to your table because you can smell the fishyness a mile away. Yikes. I felt like I was at Lake Erie. It tasted average and the 10 chips they give you to dip in it is almost an insult. OK, not almost, it is in fact an insult.

Next I went with their signature Pina Colada, picture below. This was DELISH. It was exactly what I needed. They may have confused it with a virgin Pina though because this thing was huge and I wasn't feeling a thing except sadness for consuming all this "alcohol". At least it tasted good.


Finally to the main entry, the BBQ Cheddar burger and fries. I added Bacon to the burger. Apparently they don't ask you how you want your burgers cooked at this place because my dining partner also got a burger and we both received them well done. I could also not tell what kind of meat was used. Perhaps someone has found a use for all the Canadian geese flying around, because it was unrecognizeable in taste and look. I'd venture to say frozen patties are the main ingredient.

$30 later for just myself and I would say this trip was a complete disaster. At the very least, you feel on vacation when you're in the place. But once you leave, all you feel is remorse and regret. Jimmy Buffett is probably rolling in his grave. He's dead, right?

04/16/2008 - HEY YOU GUUUUYYYYSSSSS!!!!

Man am I tired. I hung with some new peeps from Columbus at the MoJoe lounge in German Village. Good People for sure. This city is interesting. Everyone is super nice and just overall different than other cities. People here take a genuine interest in their surroundings. A pride in the city. You don't see that a lot of places. I mean, you hear people brag about where they live and crap like that, but people here actually have an interest in making the city BETTER. It's definitely a new perspective I haven't seen before.

Then I went to the basement to see this band called LUDO. They were cool, kinda like Jimmy Eat World and Plain White T's, but then they did a cover of Faith No More. Unexpected to say the least. Good times though.

Great Baseball article. It's about Frank Thomas and Griffey. The Big Hurt and the Kid. These were two of my favorite players growing up in the 90's. They are what's right with baseball. Especially Griffey. I remember seeing the look on that guys face when he was with the Mariner's. Pure happiness to get to play baseball for a living. He embodies what a professional athlete SHOULD be. I hope he plays another 5 years. If it wasn't for injuries, I think he would have owned every record in baseball. Truely one of the greatest hitters ever, and certainly of our generation.

04/15/2008 - Do wolfmen have nards?

So, as you all can see, I have re-designed my site a bit. Some of you like it, some don't. I'm going to keep it like this for a bit and see if it grows on me. We shall see. I definitely like the squared boxes more than the rounded ones. It just adds a neater look to the layout.

This weekend was cool. As you see below, I am now involved in the special olympics. I'm pretty excited. The age ranges vary, but I think they are all in 16 - 25 range. These kids are just awesome. Just very caring and free. I'm glad I am doing it. Baseball practice was all but rained out, but I got to throw the ball around, so that was cool. I also tried a TON of new bars this weekend, and they were all awesome. And cheap. Skully's has a happy hour on Saturdays. I have never heard of such of thing. But Bottles of Bud Light were $1. Wow. And then came Bristol. Which was an experience all on it's own. I had a blast! My buddy Terry and I headed to a few more places. He got us into clubs and VIP sections for FREE, I don't know how he does it. Normally, I'd punch him in the face for having a LDY KLLR licnse plate. But I guess I'll let it slide. For now.

04/13/2008 - Oh you didn't know? Your ass better call somebody!

Some things you may not have known about me:

• I am now a trainer for the special olympics, weight lifting!
  
• I love Blue Raspberry Mister Misty Freezes from DQ
  
• I will occassionally take bowers. I coined the term. It's when you fill your bath tub half way, then turn on the shower. It's like taking a bath in a rainstorm! And I have a rain shower head thingy. Gay? Maybe. Awesome? Yes.
  
• I don't really want kids. My goal is to start doing more and more volunteer stuff. I figure there are enough people in this world, I'd rather spend my time helping those that already exist than adding another one to the mix. Some have told me I was selfish for not wanting children, but selfish for who? My imaginary kids? I think HAVING kids is more selfish because people tend to do it for the wrong reasons. Because they think they are supposed to, because their religion says they should, or because they want to see what they'll look like, etc. etc. etc.
  
• There is nothing wrong with a 29 year old man enjoying Miley Cyrus' musical talents. Nothing at all.
  

04/11/2008 - Nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Have you all read about this crazy polygamist stuff? If not, there was this polygamist compound in Texas, where a 16 year old girl called the po po about being abused. In Texas, you can't be married until after 16, and she was at 15. That's a jailin. Plus there's the abuse and other stuff. Well, they evacuated 200 women and children from this compound and found a SEX bed, where all these creepy old men take their new, adolescent wives to impregnate them. It's all very fucked up. What does it take to become a polygamist anyhow? Are there requirements?

• Must be an old, creepy man, check


• Must like rape, check


• Must enjoy not knowing your own children's name, check


• Must be a pedophile, check


• Must not be able to get women, check


• Must treat women as lesser beings, check


• Must like burning in hell, check


• Must enjoy long walks on the beach, not so much

It's much easier to get into scientology:

• Must be creepy, check


• Must like aliens, check


• Must have money, check


• Must treat women as lesser beings, check


• Must enjoy pushing your ideals on everyone else, check

Although, Treating women as lesser beings seems to be a quality found in MOST religions. Except a few varieties of christianity and Wicca, where the woman is celebrated, which is probably the main reason witches were burned at the stake by Catholics back in the day.

04/10/2008 - I like big butts and I cannot lie

Tribe signs Carmona through 2014!!!

So now I am in the process of looking into renting my house hard core. Before it was just casual. But now I am giving it my all. I have a few people interested already. I can't wait to become a slumlord.

Miley Cyrus rocked on The Idol Gives Back show BTW. She really impresses me. I don't knwo what it is, but she ROCKS! And then Fergie blew me away with her Heart singing. WOW. She should totally make a rock album. I usually am not into female singers, but those two plus Rihanna and Kelly Clarkson have been giving girls a new found reputation in my book.

04/09/2008 - I'm a terminator determined

I have a bone to pick with you, facebook. You suck. You used to be cool. You used to be user friendly and loaded quickly and I could talk to my friends with ease. You were my buddy, there for me, you made my life easier, but you've changed. You've lost your identity. You're always late because you take so long to load. You're all over the place. You have so many interests now. So many variations. I don't even know who you are even more. Why can't you restrict yourself? Hold yourself back a little bit. But no, it's all about excess now. What's next? Glitter? Videos? Pictures? Are you going to start looking like a rainbow puked all over you? I had a friend like that once. She ate herself to death. Now she's reduced to posting awful stories about herself. And pedophiles and cheerleader fights. I'm not 16 anymore, facebook. I've already lost my other friend. Please don't let me lose you too.

04/07/2008 - This is not a Black & White world

So it looks like I am moving really close to work. I just couldn't pass up the deal I got. I get about 300 more square feet than anything closer to downtown C-bus for the same price. It's just a no brainer. I'm pretty excited as this place is really nice and driving 5 minutes to work? Who can beat that? Next? A scooter to drive to work. OK. Maybe not. But MAYBE if I'm feeling cheeky. Plus there is a lot of green space, so cornhole and wii nights galore. Cornhole and Wii. Wow.

04/04/2008 - Here I Go Again, Burning Up the Night

I got my tax refund today! YIPPEE! No, you can't have any money and NO I'm not going to buy you anything. So don't even ask. I have already planned out what the money is for. That's what I do. That's how I roll.

I hate this fucking rain. It's non stop. When the hell is Noah gonna get here with his big wonderful Arc? My sports are supposed to be startin soon and this rain is gonna RUIN IT ALL. I went to Planet Smoothie again last night. I'm addicted. I try a new one every time. Last night was PBJ, which was peanut butter, bananas (love you Elvis!), strawberries, non-fat milk and yogurt. Man was it good. I could live off of smoothies.

04/03/2008 - Open your eyes and see that life is Beautiful

Key to merge with National City? That article is great for 3 reasons. 1, I worked at both companies so that would be an interesting merger to me. 2, It would be good, in the end, for Cleveland if this happened. 3, Raj Aggarwal was my finance teacher when I was getting my MBA at Case. I guess he's at Akron now. I never finsihed my MBA. It was too easy. I skipped half my classes and had a 4.0 when I left. Either I am getting smarter, or the MBA is pointless.

So, I am addicted to Sixx A.M. They are probably one of favorite new bands to come out since Disturbed. But I think I like them more than that even. Their Heroin Diaries album may be favorite album released in the last decade, at least. I can't say enough about these guys. Plus they were formed by Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue. How could they be bad?

So last night, before I headed to Erik's to play Rock Band, I was at Bar Louie. There were a bunch of old people in town for a conference. One of the ladies, about 50, got WASTED and had to be CARRIED like a baby out of the bar. She puked in the foyer on her way out. It was fucked up. But hilarious. I then went to Erik's and rocked my arse off, singing like a mad man.

04/01/2008 - You're the best, Around

And the Indians win it, the Indians win. Oh my GOD the Indians win it. Ok it's one game a V-mart got hurt. But still. GREAT SUCCESS!

So last night Eamon gets into C-bus so we head over to Las Margaritas and get some of the best margaritas and mexican in Columbus. Then we head over to Dub Pub to se some of the hottest bartenders in Columbus. Then we went to my apartment and played Wii. What other system can you play Guitar Hero, move on to some authentic BOWLING, and end with Mario Kart 64. With a few clicks, this entire cornicopia of options opens up to you. It's heavenly.

03/31/2008 - Heroes Get Remembered, Legends Never Die

It's opening day! GO TRIBE!!!! I am trying to decide if I should skip work early and watch the game or not. If I can get it off the internet, I suppose I can just do that. This is going to be a great year! Plus I'll be playing again for the first time since freshman year of college. Excited? To say the LEAST.

So I watched Spider Man 2 and 3 yesterday. I had already seen 2, and forgot. It was good though. Decent. I though 3 sucked a big one though. It just had too many slow moments. And too much schtick. Why did they have to have 3 villains It jumped the shark like Batman did. Ah well. It was only an ok trilogy anyway. X-men is probably the best in terms of comic book movies. No loss. And what's up with Kirsten Dunst? I suppose she's the only one believable enough to date Toby MacGuire. Those two were blessed with the ugly gene.

03/28/2008 - You Stupid Boy

How can you make the Hobbit without ian McKellen? To me, you either have him or you don't make the movies. PERIOD.

Look at this! How cool. I want one. JETSON, GET IN HERE!

03/27/2008 - That's the sounds of the man, workin on the chain

I've been busy, sorry! I was working with IBM on their ITCAMS and TEP products. Good stuff.

So it's official, I am now on a baseball and kickball team. Plus basketball outdoors. I am pumped. I missed that shit last year. I need my competition. I am trying to get on a volleyball team too. But no one likes me enough to get me on a team. *sniff* The kickball should be fun! And well baseball is baseball. The sport of Gods. I hope I get to pitch and don't ruin my arm again. It's still in pretty bad shape, but I think if I take it slow I should be good. At least good for a couple innings. I can still throw pretty damn good. Either way, I can hit. I have no idea what to expect from the kicking of balls. Usually I just get threatened by the girls at the bar. This is a whole new ball game. I am sure I will look like a big clumsy oaf. But alcohol will make it all better.

03/25/2008 - Cuz you're lovely. Never ever change.

This is a cute story. Reminds me of Big Fish.

Here's a link to my pandora stuff. What is pandora you ask? Are you new here? Pandora is the coolest thing ever. Personalized radio. Great to listen to at work. you can listen to my stations. As you can see, I have lots of stuff. Swinger music is Buble/Rat Pack stuff. I wasn't sure what else to call it. Guys with Tuxes? Hmm. I like that.

My music is really all over the place, but I can't help it. If it's got touching lyrics, I like it. If I can sing to it, I like it. You all can stop your "you can't sing to anything Dave" comments right now. And if it's straight out ghetto, I like it. I need to keep up with the kids. It's all about the kids.

Look, an honest politician. I don't care what he did, he's not lying about it. Hell, I like him more for it. Cocaine? Pot? An affair? As long as he has come to terms with it, who am I to judge. That was years ago. Decades in some cases. Plus, he fits right in to New York City's demographic. Wait, he needs to murder someone, then he'll be set. Or at least slap a hooker.

03/24/2008 - It's like Jordans on Saturdays

So this morning I'm getting out of my car and it starts going off with the honking and the lights flashing and the annoyingness. And I'm just sitting there like, how in the blue hell is my car doing this. And why. It's Monday morning, I can't think. So I'm sitting there a good 30 seconds trying to figure out what the F is going on, when I realize I have that little alarm button on my key chain. I must have pressed it by accident. Why I tell you people these stories is beyond me. But there you go. I'm an idiot.

03/21/2008 - Crazy, but that's how it goes

So, it's March Madness and I am really paying attention for the first time ever. It's really fun stuff. I love the excitement. These kids leave it all on the court when they go out there.

Anybody else listening to Dragonforce at all? It's great stuff. Made famous by guitar hero, but the band is really good. I like it. If you like 80's rock and rock ballads, check these guys out. I added them to my Pandora and I found another band like them called Gamma Ray. And then of course you have a band I discovered a while back, The Poodles. You gotta love the band names.

I can't believe Easter is here. The oddest Holiday man has ever created. Bunnies? Colored eggs? Baskets? I mean, a jolly fat man in a red suit playing with midgets is one thing, but a giant, overgrown bunny? Donnie Darko ruined that for me. It's sad when Halloween is the one Holiday that actually makes sense for it's tradition. Of course we have raped that ideology, but still, it makes sense. How we turned Christ's birth and death into false idols, the very thing that Christianity was formed to destroy, blows my mind.

03/20/2008 - Even the very wise cannot see all ends

Hey party people. So yesterday was 5 years of the Iraq war. Insane. It's really helped a lot. I mean gas prices, no wait, the economy, hold on, ummm, we killed Osama, dammit, at the very least Iraqi society has come together and prospered in Deomocracy. SON OF BITCH. So what we have here is a complete and utter failure. Sure, 50 years from now Iraq may be a great country and we can look back and say SOMETHING was accomplished. But right now we have nothing. I'm not a stand back and watch kind of person. I personally think removing Saddam from power was needed and a good move. He ws a maniacal tyrant. But what did we expect would happen? The entire culture over there is fucked. How can you possibly expect them to assimilate to our ideals when they don't even understand them. It's like taking someone living in a pitch black cave and thrusting them into sun light. You'll blind them. And that's exactly what we did.

And that's where I am confused about these elections. The Democrats want to end the war. OK, fine. How? I haven't seen a detailed plan. I'd like one. We got ourselves into this mess. We elected Bush (kind of), we didn't stop the war, and our troops fought the war. To just leave is socially irresponsible. So what's the plan Obama? Hillary? Snoop Dogg? Anyone? I don't want to hear your rhetoric and your adoring audience's cheers. I want details.

Last night I had delicious margaritas. You know, I love beer. and I love alcohol. And I do shots and mixed drinks. And I love me some wine. But there is a special place in my heart for frozen fu-fu drinks. Give me a Bahama Mama, Frozen Margarita, Strawberry Daiquiri and I am in heaven. I feel like I'm on vacation on a beach as soon as it hits my lips and freezes the back of my throat. And don't skip the whipped cream and cherry on top. I love that shit too. I don't care how gay I look, it's delicious.

03/19/2008 - I've got a heart that can never be tamed

So. St. Patty's day. I went to this Irish Pub called Fado's at Easton. It was cool, they had bands and beers and a gigantic white tent. I chugged a couple beers when I got there after work as I was obviously behind. within about 10 minutes I had spen $31 since it was a $15 cover and 20 oz. beers were $8 each. But whatever. I was hanging with a bunch of people from work and I was talking to this one girl who my buddy introduced me to. He was WASTED. So he disappears and I get a text from him saying that she's his and that if I am his Bro, I'm cool with that. I was just dumbfounded. I mean, we were literally just having a conversation after HE introduced us! HA! So I pull him aside and I was like, WTF dude. You know you don't gotta go getting all crazy and shit. And he apologized and said his other friends made him paranoid. So yeah, whatever. Man I hate drama. It may have only lasted 5 minutes but still. But none of my beers were green : ( That made me sad. I suppose chugging guiness made up for it.

Is it sad I like the Miley Cyrrus song? Does that make me gay or something? Or tone deaf? Is she good to other people? Do I even care? Nah, not really. Rock on Hanna Montana. Rock on. That is Hanna Montana right? Someone told me that and I wasn't sure if I believed them or not.

03/18/2008 - The sun, it sets for you

Journey Below
Jonah was special. They say he has a sixth sense. A gift. If it weren't for his parents, it would have been a curse when the government found out. A boy who could feel events shaping. A barometer for the future they would say. It was almost as if he could slow down time, but in reality, he just knew what was going to happen moments before they did. It wasn't clockwork. It wasn't predictable. But he was always right when it happened. The more danger, the more likely it was to happen. A death seer.

By the time Jonah had turned 18, he had been on several operations and already credited with saving hundreds of lives for the U.S. government. Special forces units would take him on covert ops, lead him through deadly territory, and use him to sense the surroundings. Seeing the events that would take place killing their team, their brothers, and turning them into victory. And he did, every time. His parents would be tucked away a few miles from him, safely awaiting his return. Hoping the gift would never fail.

But today was different. Today Jonah was strapped to 10,000 tons of jet fuel. A member of the first group of scientists, military, and politicians to travel to the Red Planet. And of course Jonah's parents. It was mankinds only hope. After civiliation turned Earth into a failing ecosystem, they didn't have many places to turn. The Red Planet the only solution to a problem we created. And it was still mostly unkown. That's where Jonah came in.

03/17/2008 - They're always trying to get me lucky charms

So on friday I went to this dive bar called Ruby Tuesday to catch a friend's buddy's band called Heroes of History. It was a good time. But not what I expected! I walk in and it's all these nerds, people I would have hung with in high school and such. OK they looked like I did when I was in high school. Lets be honest. Anyhow, the band gets on stage and they are this punk rock band. Totally unexpected but a good time!

I have a busy week this week. St. Patty's day today. Wing night tomorrow and then Maragarita night on Wednesday. Then Friday is Friday. Sheesh. Ah well, sleep is overrated anyhow. So are brain cells.

I watched American Gangster yesterday and it was really interesting. I watched the extended version, which was like 3 hours long, but I really enjoyed it. I don't know a whole lot about the history of drug running in America, but between this and blow, I figure I have a pretty good understanding. And it's not the life I'd want to live. Sure, you can be rich for life, but at what cost? Freedom, well being, feeling safe? I'm a computer nerd, the only people that are going to want to fuck with me are meatheads. And since I workout, I got that covered. Silly meatheads. Thinking is for nerds.

and that reminds me. My buddy is coming out with a site called meatheadmania.com. I'm going to right funny stories on it. Tongue in cheek workout articles if you will. Should be fun.

03/14/2008 - In the end, there can be only one

So I live band karaoked last night. I stole from Billy's playbook and did Fuck her Gently by Tenacious D. It brought the house DOWN. I also did Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy. Which was just MEH. I need to learn how to pick fun songs. But I do so love to sing.

And so now I am tired. I hate that. If I don't get at least 7 hours of sleep now, I'm a worthless pile of dung. I'd like to note that Rob and Big is still the funniest show on TV. I laugh out loud every time that shit is on. I'll write more later when I wake up.

03/13/2008 - The devil himself could be pulled out of me

So I lead the all IT meeting this morning. I did about 15 minutes worth of face time with the entire department. Good stuff. I killed. Hopefully a sense of humor is appreciated. Oh and I got a raise! Not bad for 6 months of work. It was along the same lines previous companies would have given me for an entire year. The problem with all of this is that in 2 years or less I will have achieved my salary goal for my career. I need to start setting harder to attain goals I guess. And I need to write my first book/movie already. Whichever one comes first. Why I am delaying that is unknown to me. Maybe I could just use some speech software and puke everything out of my head into a microphone.

So I love that Santana/Chad Kroeger song, Into the Night. It's awesome. I know many of you hate Nickelback, but I have always been a fan. And combine that with Santana and you have a winner. Of course I love Matchbox Twenty too, so what do I know. Sexiness. I know sexiness.

03/11/2008 - I'm pretty fly for a white guy

Check your bank statements

So this Spitzer guy. $5500 for a hooker? I understand that there are some money laundering concerns at all, but still. Who would ever really pay that much for a dirty hooker? At least make it reasonable. The guy is ruined now and it makes me laugh. Idiot. I don't understand people, especially politicians and celebrities. It makes no sense to take the risks they do. But I suppose when everything else in life comes easy, you have to get the adrenaline pumping some how. Of course, there are better ways, like bungie jumping, rock climbing, banging your wife in a Target dressing room, stuff like that. Use your imagination people.

There is a report out that Lebron James has gained an inch in height and 20 pounds. I am not sure the time span for that, but it's certainly since joining the NBA. Crazy stuff. This year would have been his rookie year had he attended college, BTW.

Holy Crap. Peaches by POT USA just came on Pandora. Oh classics.

03/10/2008 - Keep on rockin to it

Man, this weekend was FUCKED UP. I spent like 59 hours in my apartment. STRAIGHT. Thank god for computers and DVDs and TV and Books and Wii and Laundry. Yeah, I really wasn't bored at all. I have too much crap to play with. And I had plenty of alcohol to keep me company. I am caught up on Lost, what a great season so far! I watched this movie called Shattered last night. It was pretty neat. It had a great pay off in the end, one of the few movies that do nowadays. I had a suspicion of the ending, but I didn't figure it all out. It's worth a rental IMO.

For those that don't know, Ohio got 12 - 18 inches of snow dumped on the entire friggin state. From Cincy to Cleveland, we all got fucked up the ass by Frosty's big white icicle. It started Friday afternoon and did not stop untik Saturday night. Cars were buried. Driving was damn near impossible. I'm going to make a prediction and say that 9 months from now, Ohio will have a huge population boom. Hopefully our country living brethren stayed away from their relatives. We don't need babies with 2 heads running around.

According to my polls, we know 2 things. One, Democrats and Republicans are split on this site pretty evenly. And two, you all hate my website. Oh and three, you can all go to hell. OK. Sorry. I didn't mean that. Don't go away angry. Please. Just go away.

03/05/2008 - Dont know how to live but I've got a lot of toys

Work has been kicking my butt lately. Just lots going on right now. Good stuff though. I am learning a TON and next week I get to start on Oracle Application Server. It's all pretty neat. And I get to pick out a monitoring tool, which is fun. I'm like a kid in a candy store!

There's a new poll over there about St. Patty's day. I have no idea what I am doing currently. I know I don't want to get plastered. That's goal Numero 1. But I need to find something to do. I mean it's St. Patty's day. I've seen the river in Chicago died GREEN! I can't do NOTHING. I needs me green beer and lucky charms.

Yesterday I got my hair cut and my hair dresser thought I was 21. 21. I think she just wanted a good tip. But whatever, I'll take it. She didn't believe me when I told her 29. So, yeah, I'm going to be 25 for the next few years I think. Or until I'm 40. Just tell everyone I'm 25. It could work.

I love this song:

03/04/2008 - Pack it up Pack it in

So McDonald's has Shamrock shakes. And I went and got one last night. And it was DELICIOUS!!!!

As you can see, I put a poll over there, further expanding my interactive weblog. And it's in PHP! I figured I should at least know a little bit about it. Looks pretty straight forward. All of that is canned code, I just modded it up a bit. We'll see what new polls I put out there. It can keep history, but I doubt I will. Not sure exactly where I want to put it, but that's a start.

03/03/2008 - Death is but a doorway. I'll be back.

This is a great article. Really highlights what is wrong with Ohio today. And personally, I totally agree with Unions being the downfall. Unions are the work of the Devil and are no longer needed in today's society. It's absolutely ridiculous they still even exist. They protect poor workers, degrade profit, and in general are a pox on society.

So I went to C-land this weekend and saw my Great Aunt, who's 95. And not doing so well. I don't ever want to get that way. It's here in writing, if I ever lose my mental capacity, kill me. Hire someone to kill me. Give me a gun. I don't care. I don't want to live like that. Diminished. A shell. Is it the will that keeps people alive? Fear of dying? I don't know. But when my time comes I will be ready. And I will accept it. And I will live on. Or something. I don't really know what happens but I believe in God and that SOMETHING does indeed happen. I'm not going to pretend I know what that is. Maybe I will become a light, fluffy cloud. Maybe I'll be over here, chilling. Brushed on the canvas of life by the hand of God. Or maybe I'll be a dung beetle.

So, my little titles by the date. They are usually from movies, TV, or songs. Quotes if you will. Random ones. The above may be tough to figure out, but I am sure Billy knows it. He has a tremendous knowledge of random factoids that don't matter.

02/28/2008 - Hopelessly Devoted to YOU

So work has been very busy lately as I am setting up our QA environment on some new AIX boxes. Test is running Solaris (left overs, meh) which is much more natural at running java apps. But everything is finally working now, perfectly!

So, my black mantle hoodie from Penny Arcade I asked you all to buy me was in stock so I bought it. Because I know none of you listened or cared. Or at least remembered. This is why I buy my own gifts. I'm particular, but still. I need a new leather jacket now because my sweet ass CK one has a rip in it. I really want the Affliction one, but $700? CRIKEY!!!

American Idol has been fun, mainly because I am in a competition at work and can win money. You get points by predicting who gets voted off. Last week I got second place. YAY! I think that young David kid will win it all. Kady Malloy needs a nose job. She is already pretty smokin, but if she gets some rhinoplasty, she will be HAWT. I liked that someone did a Grease song last night. One of my faves. I swear to GOD I am not gay.

02/26/2008 - Waffles

Hey Everybody! So, you need to go watch:
THIS
And then go watch
THIS

Repeat.

02/25/2008 - Son of a Biscuit.

So yesterday was our last basketball game of the season. We lost. Again. I scored again though. So of course the season ends when I start to get average. I think I could be respectable with some practice. At least I don't feel dead after playing and I can run up and down the court without passing out. And my defense in the middle is superb because I am like an imoveable object in the paint. A juggernaut. A large boulder even. So now my focus becomes getting on a hardball team. I hit the ball almost like I used to this weekend. It was nice to see some progress.

Here's your daily dose of cute:

02/22/2008 - Life's like a box of chocolates. Eat Yourself.

So how about that Cavs trade?!?!? Exciting, isn't it. I think it will be a good one in the long and short term. We get rid of some bad contracts earlier, and really just open up the team to address our weaknesses. Ben Wallace is going to need to play well on defense in the 4th quarter to fulfill this trade, but I think he will. I don't think Lebron will let him NOT do that. Who would have done that on the Bulls? No one. In Cleveland, he's gonna have someone to answer to and I think that will push him. And now Lebron has some outside shooters to pass to out of double and triple teams. AWESOME.

The weather sucks. Damn Ohio. I really need to move. Grrr. Have you read My presidential platform yet? There's some good stuff in there. REAL changes. Not just proclamations of change without any substance. I just have a hard time letting people who offer no real value of this world to be millionaires. The problem is, they would STILL be millionaires. Just not multi-millionaires. Are you really going to feel bad about people who play sports for a living not being super rich? Sure, some actors may have to gve up their third home in Maui. Poor things. But maybe a police officer in Toledo could afford a $200,000 house. Isn't that worth it? It's time the real workers of this country took it back.

02/19/2008 - Would you like to try my doggie style?

Don't think I am going to let my newest catch phrase die. NO WAY! So I am going to try renting my house and give up on selling for the time being. It's just too much a PIA to sell in this market. Ridiculous. I live in a great area for renting for Christ's sake, so why not. So if you would like to rent a great house in great shape with no work needed, let me know. Let me know quick as I already have people coming to see it.

I am officially addicted to COD 4. Love it. I am almost done with Christopher Moore's A Dirty Job. It was really good. Not as good as Lamb, but good! Next is Practical Demon Keeping. Oooooh. Aaaaahhhh.

I want to join this pastor's church. Sex for 30 straight days? Fun. Now 30 days without stopping? There in would lie the challenge.

02/18/2008 - I'm Back. And Better than Ever.

So St. augustine was the shit. Beautiful area, TONS of bars. Friendly people, lots of ghost stories. A great place to hit up, especially with Skybus flying right there. You can walk to everything and the cab ride from airport to the city is like $8. If you go, stay at St. George's Inn or the Hilton. We were at St. George Inn. It was really a great place to stay and the location was fantastic. The problem was that on Friday I fell asleep in the sun with my shades on and now I looks like I have perpetual glasses on surrounding my bright red face. White framed glasses. FAIL!!!!!

And then when I got back Call of Duty 4 had come in and It's friggin awesome. I am addicted. I love this game. If you have it and want to play online, hit me up!!

Someone named Harvey (Harvey Dent? Harvey....I don't know any other Harvey's) asked about the weight loss challenge. Well, things were going great until the damn vacation. And now it's back to sucking. So I need to step it up the next 4 weeks. And you know I will. I played 38 out of 40 minutes of Basketball yesterday, which was impressive to me. I'm not exactly...sleek. So I must be starting to get in decent shape. Now I just need to shed the pounds. We'll get there!

02/14/2008 - Holding my heart like a hand grenade

What math nerds do on V-day

So, I am going to be gone tomorrow in beautiful St. Augustine Florida! Which means I am going to miss St. Valentine's day with all you adoring fans. Sorry about that. But on the bright side, you get my Valentine's Day Blog early! You luck-out bastards.

The new Post Secret V-day movie is below. Lots of good stuff in there. Makes me think. Which I am generally doing every second of every day. It makes me sad to read some of those. People who give up, some who get lost, some who don't even know what love is. You know, I was alone for so long. I didn't even go on my first date until I was 18. Everyone around me was going on dates, growing up, and for me, life stood still. It was just kind of there. I only had a couple friends at most times. I got so used to being alone. And I loved it. When I started dating seriously, there were times I actually missed that feeling of loneliness. Because it's so much simpler and it taught me so much about myself.

I really believe you cannot truly love someone else until you love yourself, and those times really allowed me to learn to do that. People say I'm cocky, and I am. But it's hard to explain that I don't think I am better than anyone, that's not what it's about. I just love the person I am and I love life. That's it. And I think it really allows me to give all that I am when I am in a relationship. I once read something that said it's not good to think "I'can't live without you" because then you become dependent. You lose your identity. It's much better to think "I don't WANT to live without you." There's a big difference between wanting and needing. When you want something, you work for it, you don't give up, you fight, you spend every day trying to obtain it and keep it. When you need something, you can take it for granted, you lose yourself in it, it becomes part of you and you never really think about why.

02/11/2008 - I wish I was a Baller

My basketball team sucks. And I suck. And that as a whole sucks. But it's fun, so who really cares. Great work out too. I sweat like a pig on a spit. Good Times.

I started training for baseball yesterday at the cages, as I am trying to play baseball again. I started out at 40 and that was too easy. I ended up doing 9 rounds in the 65 MPH cage (it's the highest they have). I did decent. My timing was fine, if just a bit off as I am not pulling yet. My mechanics, however, were way off. My buddy JP came and was giving me some good advice and eventually we got the kinks figured out. By the 9th round, I was exhausted, but hitting good shots. Softball really F-ed up my swing. Can't wait to go again now that I have an actual swing back.

02/08/2008 - I'm Second to None

This makes me sad. If anything reminds me of youth and innocence and loving life because everything you have lived so far has yet to be touched by anything bad, it's Puff the Magic Dragon.


50% of brits would give up sex for 6 months for a 50" TV. What is wrong with men in Britain?

I karaoked last night. A stirring rendition of Hit Me Baby One More Time by Britney Spears. It was wonderfully awful. But fun.

So you tube has ads on their videos now. Brilliant. They really aren't so bad and it makes sense. So stop your bitching. They have to make money somehow. You knew google would figure it out. I found this new sing by Jon McLaughlin on it called Beautiful Disaster. It's a great song. You can see it here. Most of you will probably hate it because you have a cold, black heart beating in your chest. But me, I'm in touch with my feelings. I touch my feelings all the time.

Here is an interesting version of A Tout le monde (Set me Free) by Megadeath. I know what you are thinking. How can I like both of these songs at the same time. What can I say, I'm a conundrum.

02/07/2008 - Mama Say Mama Saw MaMa Moo Saw

This is a fun read. You have to read closely and the comments at the end are very good as well. It's about why men don't marry anymore and there are a lot of good points in it. There just isn't that much in it for men anymore because we are expected to give up too much and, should something go wrong, expected by society to lose too much in the end. There is no doubt I would get married again under ideal circumstances, but we as men are becoming pickier and, for once, have high expectations. In the past, I think it was so much of an expectation that you needed to get married, you did so without taking so many things into consideration. Now, we do. And it's really time for women to adapt to that, like men have for so many years. The days of "Yes, Dear" are over. There is a common ground here, and everyone can be happy. You just need to be open and honest about your expectations. We all deserve to be happy, that's the point. If your husband wants to go out with his friends, play video games until 3 AM, go to a strip club, buy some golf clubs, for God's sake let him. As long as it's not hurting you or your family, what's the problem. Men have long been accused of being hurt by their pride, but I think the shoe is on the other foot in many ways in today's society.

There is this great Article about Kellen Winslow Jr. from the Browns. Good reading if you are into that sort of thing.

If you are into ghosts, This is a good one too. As you all know, I am very much into ghosts. I think they are real, but I am not 100% sure what they are. Imprints in time? Trapped souls? Hmm. Anyhow, the ghost from that pic looks mysteriously like a human ear. Not sure what THAT means...

02/06/2008 - I heard your suitcase say goodbye

I went out to dinner with my sister yesterday and she said her and my mom can get me a pair of tickets to Bon Jovi when they come to Cleveland. And I said HELLZ yeah. They would be sweet seats too. And Daughtry is opening for them. Which was really what sealed the deal.

so I bought Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles yesterday because my light gun controllers for the Wii came in. It's fuckin FUN! Kinda like being in an arcade. I love it. The game is sweet too and the graphics are not too shabby. I'd say a 7.5 is a fair, solid score for the game. Maybe an 8.0. Come over and play with my wii! Wanna try my doggie style? I need new jokes.

BTW, I am addicted to Charlie the Unicorn below. That shit just makes me laugh.

02/05/2008 - Baggy Sweat Pants and Reeboks With Straps

UPDATE! This is incredibly awesomely horrible:


It's FAT Tuesday! Is anyone going to get krunked? It's been raining Lions and Wolves here for like the last 3 hours. It's insane. And it's 60 today. I feel like it's April. Hopefully it stays this warm for awhile. I love it!

Lets take a minute to talk about politics. They are broken. So I was thinking, how can we fix it. I think the major problem is the two party system. It really destroys the process and limits your options. Frankly, I like options. Competition breeds excellence. And really, there isn't enough in American Democracy. But how do we fix that. How do we add another facet to the democratic process. And the answer to that, my friends, is the internet. And planning in advance. So with that, I give you, www.daveforpresident.com. It's going to be an entirely open platform designed with the voter in mind and by the voter. We have 12 more years to complete the platform. At some point I am going to create a non-profit type of organization and do this right. But I wanted you all to know, change is coming. Be afraid. Or excited! Either way, I just wanted your attention. I'll have an outline of my platform out there shortly, but I have to keep some of it hidden as well, it's pretty revolutionary. No really. It is.

02/04/2008 - Wanna try my doggie style? Suck One

So Saturday was Jeff's Bday party for the big 3-0 (Happy birthday JEFFY!) and I got this beer there called Doggie Style IPA. And then proceeded to ask everyone if they would like to try my doggie style. I found it hilarious. And now I have a new catch phrase. YAY!

The super Bowl was yesterday as many of you know. It was a great game, I must admit. The commercials were fantastic too. I loved the e*trade baby ones and the Will Farrell Bud Light commercial. Bravo. The big pigeon one was good too. Those would be my top 3. Oh and the Dorito Rat Guy one as well. And the heart coming out of the woman's chest was good too. And the Charles Barkley/Dwayne Wade one. OK. So I have a top 6 now.

My basketball team got destroyed yesterday. And I suck ball sacks. I can't shoot to save my life. Practice would probably help. But this isn't really my sport. I'm not "coordinated". I can't "do 2 things at the same time". It's impossible for me to "control my anger". Ok, I haven't had a problem with that last one. Yet.

02/01/2008 - I want it all and I don't care how

ROCK BAND IS COMING TO THE WII!!!! YAY!

So my TV stand is up! Here's a pic!



Not the best quality. The Pearl camera sucks donkey nuts. Which are not a delicasy(sp?) oustide of the Sudan. That's not true, but it sounds good. My TV has a VGA port on it, so yeah, media center PC here I come. Some day. Maybe I will build one myself. That's always a fun waste of time. I still have a shit ton of parts from the last one I built.

There are some other new pics in the PLOG for you to check out as well. Stuff from Florida mainly.

Did anyone else think Lost was a complete waste of time last night? It didn't tell us shit. We got nowhere. I didn't learn a damn thing, other than 6 people got back from the island and that there were two groups, ones that wanted to stay and ones that wanted to leave. But the 6 people who left the island were from BOTH groups. So what the fuck happened. Jerks. Always gotta drag shit on. Here's 5 seconds of useful information, enjoy!

01/31/2008 - Sir Sleeps A Lot

So, I am tired and I want a nap. For some reason the last few days I have woken up at 6:30 AM. The exact same time every day. I don't know why. I certainly don't want to. I want to to get my 7 - 8 hours of sleep.

I bought a new TV stand from Costco.com and I got it and built it yesterday. This thing is sick. It's made out of tempered glass. Black glass. Pretty cool. I have to take down my current set up tonight after work and put it all together on the new stand, but that kinda shit excites me. I still need a Media Center PC, but let me break down my wares for you:
42" Plasma TV (1080i) with 10000:1 contrast ratio
Harman Kardan 5.1 surround sound with Athena Center Speaker, Advent surround speakers, Sony Powered Sub Woofer
Toshiba HD-DVD player with upconverter (HDMI hook-up)
Squeezebox Music and Internet Radio Streamer
HD Cable Box from Time Warner (Component Cables)
Nintendo Wii (Component Cables)

I'm pretty happy with all that.

01/29/2008 - All You Zombies Hide Your Faces.

So, I think I am haunted. Every picture I have seen of myself over the last month has an orb in it. It's really weird. I'm sure it's a nice spirit though. I always feel like I have someone watching over me by my side. Checking me out. Watching me shower. I mean. Protecting me. Story Time!

So when I first bought my house in Cleveland, I lived there by myself. And I slept there by myself. And I always felt the creeps on the back of my neck. Especially when I was in the spare bedroom. It always seemed to revolve around that bedroom. So, since I was so scared, my fiance at the time and I picked out a puppy. It was a cute little white lab that we named, appropriately, Ghost. It made me feel better, but the creepiness never left.

Anyhow, other than the usual light bulbs burning out way too quickly and some odds bumps in the night, nothing ever really happened. I got married and the wife moved in and still the creepiness never left. One night I woke up in the middle of a deep sleep and couldn't move. I was paralyzed for the most part and in fear. I don't even know how to describe it. I just couldn't move and I was scared to death. It lasted for maybe 30 seconds and went away. I never told anyone because, well, maybe it was just some weird dream thing.

So a few months pass and again, I wake up from dreamy land only to find a strange green figure looking over our bed. Just standing there, chilling. I blink, and he's gone. The next couple days I am a bit weirded out but I tell no one. I don't mention a single thing. And over the next couple weeks I feel the creeps but also a familiarity. This "thing" has a title or a reference or something. But in my head, he's the Colonel. He now has a name.

The months go by and nothing happens. PHEW! Until, one night, my wife wakes me up.
"What is it", I ask.
"There was someone at the end of the bed watching us", she shivers.
"What do you mean?"
"There, at the end of the bed, was a man, watching us."
"What did he look like?"
"I don't know, he was like, Green."
My face deadens. "Green? Like a green glow?"
"Kinda" she says.
"What was he wearing?" I stammer.
"Like, military type clothes." And at that moment I am a bit relieved. I calmly say, "yeah, that's the Colonel." She gets this look on her face like "What the fuck!?!?!" I explain to her how I had seen him and gotten his name. And that was how the Colonel came into full existence. It wasn't just me going crazy anymore.

Over time, more things happened. And the creepy feeling on the back of your neck never really left. One time, my ex-wife even caught him playing with the dogs. I was in the basement and she thought it was me. I came up and she asked what I was doing to get them so excited. I wasn't even on the same floor. She even heard a voice say "Good Dogs!" So maybe, just maybe, the Colonel is still with me. Or perhaps it's something entirely different. If it is, there is a house for sale in University Heights. It has a two car garage, a fenced in yard, and a ghost in the spare bedroom.

01/28/2008 - I don't like, I don't like Mon-day-ays.

Jesus. Tom Cruise is insane. And Scientology is, well, it's as screwed up as every other religion, but still. It sucks more because of the people that follow it. Idiots. So watch this video cuz it's slightly amusing. Wait. The more I watch it the funnier it gets. Kinda like Napoleon Dynamite.



You tube is slow as balls today. But I found this Brilliant. Puppy versus Robot! I love puppies! My mom gave me a framed picture of my doggie Ghost a couple weeks ago. I miss her!



So for some reason I had a couple old school songs stuck in my head today. I didn't realize they were so old. I mean, I was ONE when I don't like Mondays was released. Sheesh. I'm sure I still hated Mondays even then. I was a very cynical baby.
Does anyone else remember this:



Or perhaps this? Notice the mention of Spam in the song ;)

01/25/2008 - Brokeback Bitches

UPDATE! So, I have this Disney Credit Card (it has great rates, shut it) and I get rewards. Well I was just going to go buy the DVDs for Corpse Bride and Nightmare Before Christmas cuz I love them. But then I found THIS! How cool is that. I could make my own stop motion NBC movies! I am so buying it. I have an Oogey Boogey dude at my mom's house in a box somewhere I could use in the movies too! Somebody has a new hobby!



OK, so, Heath Ledger died and there is more uproar over Brokeback Mountain than anything. I didn't realize there was so much hostility towards this movie. I never heard about it when it was out. Why do people get so angry over these things? The poor guy is dead and all people can do is spout hate over homosexuality. I didn't see the movie. Something about dudes making out and stuff is just....ICKY. If it were chicks, I would have seen it about a dozen times by now, but I just don't find guys attractive and watching them make out, yeah, not my thing. ANYWHO, the movie was obviously critically acclaimed and everyone I know who did see it, loved it. But that's not the point. The point is, get off your big gay soap box you nazi fucks. When will people learn to let each other live their lives. Heath Ledger was a good human being. Enough said. Most gay people I know are awesome as well. As long as they aren't making out in front of me. Again, unless they have vaginas. OK, focus Dave. In summary, stop hating. In the immortals words of Patrick Duffy in the movie Loverboy, "He aint trying to hurt nobody". Maybe I am gay. Nah, I just grew up with 2 women. It's why I love Grease so much. Woo Hoo Hoo, Honey.

So I finished Lamb yesterday! It was phenomenal. Maybe my favorite book of all time. Next will be a Dirty Job, about this guy who becomes the Grim Reaper. Sounds interesting. I'll let you know how it is!

01/24/2008 - Will the Real American Idol Please Stand Up

So of course I have been watching Idol. You know I love that shit. It's the same old story. Same old song and dance, my friend. But it's still fun. Through good times and bad times, they'll be by your side. Yapping in your ear. Laughing at shitty contestants. Speaking with British accents. The hills are alive with the sounds of Simon, Paula, and Randy. OK, enough of that shit. But I do so love singing which brings me too...

I played Rock Band for the first time last night! And now I need an XBOX 360 or PS3. I mean, that game is sweet. I sang some songs. Namely, Epic by Faith no More, Cherub Rock by Smashing Pumpkins, Move Along by All American Rejects and Wanted Dead or Alive by the immortal Bon Jovi. It was da BOMB yo. I tried the drums on a Weezer song too. Good times were had by all. Sorry, no videos of that. But soon. Because, well, you know I love looking like a retard for you, my adoring fans. All 5 of you.

The big 700 MHZ auction begins today. This is exciting stuff, although only about 1% of Americans have any idea what it is. Basically it's going to be an open source nation wide network. Cell phones? Data? Internet? Sure. Whatever the imagination holds at this point. Cool stuff.

01/23/2008 - Hump Me Day

OK, so I just wrote the dumbest most random blog ever and deleted it all. It was horrible. I need to go find something to talk about. BRB! LOL! JK!

Well Heath Ledger died. I could talk about that. But why? I don't know either.

OK, I added Comments back. I think I fixed everything related to those damn spam bots. HA HA! Fuck you Spam Bots! I don't need your damn viagara. It's not like anyone uses comments anyhow. But you know, it's there.

I have like 72 stars or something for Super Mario Galaxy. I could beat it now but I want to get all the stars. Apparently there are 119. WTF. That's a lot more I need. And why pick 119? Why kind of random number is that? But I have everything opened up, the green stars, the red stars, I beat the trial levels, etc. I need to get the purple comet to come though. If you don't know what I am talking about and think I am complete loser that's fine. It's not my fault you couldn't find a damn Wii and therefore cannot indulge in the best Super Mario since Supe Mario World. You can shove your XBOX 360 up your ass. I have no doubts it will fit given everything else you stick up there. Pervert.

01/22/2008 - Throw Your Hands In The Air

So, Billy and Becky tied the knot on Saturday. It was about time. It was a great time and we all enjoyed drinking soda pops and tonic water. My ex-wife and I were even in the same ballroom the entire night without any problems what so ever. Though that didn't surprise me as we get along quite well. The food at the wedding was yum yum. Nice, soft, pink roast beef. Mmmmmmmm It was so juicy it melted in my mouth. Here's a picture. Not of the roast beef. Of me, at the wedding:


I saw cloverfield on Sunday. It was cool! Definitely a movie worth seeing. I just wish it was longer or something. I dunno. I guess it's good when a movie leaves you wanting more. Go see it. The monster was not what I expected at all. I am not going to spoil anything no matter how much I want to talk about it.

01/16/2008 - Squeeze Those Buns

So I'm starting a hard core diet plan this week. Why you ask? Because I can win $620 in this bet we have between 36 people. Whoever loses the most weight percentage, wins the money. Second place gets $100. So I am limiting my caloric intake during the day to under 500 calories, and then eating whatever for dinner. And that's it. No snacks or nothing. I wanted to lose some weight anyhow and this is the ultimate motivation.

So I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and bought 2 boxes of Fiber One Oats & Chocolate Bars (phenomenal tasting), 1 box of Kashi Protein and Fiber bars (Barf), and 1 box of Slim Fast Optima Blueberry Muffin Bars (not bad!). I can have 3 of these a day resulting in 460 calories. And I did today. And I'm still hungry. Very hungry. My stomach feels empty. It's pissed at me. I think it's frowning. But it needs to SHUTTY because I can win $600 cash money. That's like, an XBOX 360 or a Playstation 3 or a hooker!

Anyhow, I need to make sure these bars can sustain my workouts. I'm getting 79 carbs, which is decent, and 12g protein. I need to find low calorie bars that have more protein. I am getting 16 grams of fiber though. So I'll definitely be...regular. That means I'm gonna poop a lot.

01/15/2008 - Bachelor Party of HORROR

So this weekend was Billy's Bachelor party! It was fun! There was no horror. Just drinking. Good times were had by all.

I took yesterday off and I felt sick. Because I didn't have much to do except sit around watching TV, playing video games, and resting. So it made me feel like I was home sick. Apparently I need to keep really busy when I take a day off for work to do nothing, otherwise I just sit there wondering what is going on at work. Luckily I have my blackberry to help calm me down.

So I've been watching a lot of intervention lately and I have discovered two consistentcies. One, is that close to 100% of the people who have problems come from a divorced household. And B, 50% or so of the people were sexually abused. And if you combine the two, the people are REALLY fucked up. Which makes me reflect a bit on my life. I mean, my Dad left when I was 11 and I haven't seen him since I was 13. After seeing this TV show so many times, I fit right into the "should be fucked in the head" category. But I'm not. I didn't even have my first beer until I was like 18. My Mom is the bomb diggity YO!

But it is very insane the toll divorce has on a child. And unless you are like me and can just dismiss it because your father is a complete and utter douche bag, it's probably hard to deal with. So, all you parents out there, make sure if you get divorced you do it the right way. The worst part for a child, I think, is if they DON'T know there is a problem. If you hide it, and then one day are just like, WHAM, they are gonna be pretty confused and shit. Don't sugar coat it. I think a lot of what helped me, beyond my Mom being super duper awesome, was hearing a lot of the conversations that went on. When you're father sits you down and says he's not in love with your mother anymore, that's pretty honest and direct. So you're sad, and you cry, but you know, at least you know what's going on. And then, when a couple weeks later, it's a week before Christmas, the marriage counseling fails, and you hear your Mom on the phone calling him at his whore's lair saying "you screwed that bitch", well, you learn pretty quickly that this guy is not someone you generally care about anymore. And then, and ONLY then, when he tells you he can't see you anymore unless he can bring said whore with him, well, then you know he's going to hell. And I'm not saying that out of anger. It's more of a fact that he shall burn in hell than anything else. It's in the dictionary.

01/11/2008 - Progressive Field of Dreams

This is brilliant. A must see. I would have been pissed!

So I'm going to start doing titles up there. Everyone else's blog has them, so now mine will too. Anyhow, It's rumored Jacob's Field, home of YOUR Cleveland Indians, is being changed to Progressive Field. Hmmm. It's going to take some getting used to. But it could work. Progressive is a huge Cleveland based company (Progressive Insurance for you dimwits out there) and it was founded by the billionaire and genius Peter B. Lewis. Maybe by doing this Mr. Lewis will pour some Money into the stadium, which already rocks, or perhaps become the new George Steinbrenner of Cleveland. Although George Steinbrenner could have been the George Steinbrenner of Cleveland because he if from the area and got turned down from buying the Indians back in the day.



Anyhow, lets all get used to Progressive Field. At first I thought it was a description of some new upgrade plan. Like, the Jake would be updated progressively or get new technology or some jazz. Oh well. Hopefully the Indians got some extra money to pick up a power hitting left or right fielder.

Watched the movie Shoot 'em Up last night. Not what I expected but it was fun. If you like outlandish movies about people getting killed via a gun, lots of people, then this movie is for you. It's fun and bloody and totally unrealistic. It's like watching a video game made into a movie. entertaining at the very least. Although I think my IQ dropped 10 points while watching it.

I think this is bullshit. Tigers kill things. It's what they do. I don't think they should have killed this Tiger because it killed and injured some idiots. Poor Tiger.

01/10/2008

So I was out late Monday for the BCS game and then I was chillin with my Homey Erik Tuesday night and by Wednesday I realized I am old. I can't do 2 nights in a row I don't think. 1 night of 5 hours of sleep is all I can take. It wasn't the drinking because I still keep that on the down low. It's just the lack of sleep. My body hates it and it makes me pay like I'm a teacher banging my students and asking for bribary money so they don't say anything.

So Rob and Big is back on! YAY! I love that show. Best show on MTV. It's great because it combines all the nonsense into one show. They stay away from the serious crap and the drama. Now I like drama as it's own show, like Real World which had it's season finale, but I enjoy Rob & Big more. It's refreshing. I wish they were my friends. Oh how I wish.

New Ghost Hunters started last night. They were OK. Nothing special. I wonder if anyone will ever get 100% proof and if so what that would entail. I mean, is it even possible? It would be cool if they combined Paranormal State with Ghost Hunters. Get some mediums involved. Do any of you care about this? Then why are you still reading? Don't talk to me like that. GO TO YOUR ROOM!

01/09/2008

So, Monkeys pay for sex. So there you go, monkeys and humans are TOTALLY related. Do wife monkeys nag their husband monkeys to clean up the tree too? "Get those feces off the limb!" "Wipe that feces off your feet before you climb that vine!" "Take a shower, you smell like feces!" Because monkeys love feces.

01/08/2008

Part of me thinks we got hosed last night. The Buckeyes were penalized more in that game than any previous game I had seen. By a huge margin. LSU was one of the most penalized teams in football. They hardly got penalized at all. When I see a Buckeye bump into a guy on the sidelines when he just gets out of bounds and DOESN'T EVEN FALL, and gets hit with a late hit penalty, I tend to think we got a bit hosed. Would we have won without all that stuff? Not sure. But it just kinda sucked to watch. What I didn't understand is how we could not tackle this Hester character. The guys isn't huge. He didn't seem that fast. But we couldn't tackle him. I just don't get it. Frankly, OSU needs to find a good throwing QB. That's been our problem. We have a running game. We need someone who can make a decent throw and get out of the pocket when he needs to. Troy Smith was good, sure. But we need a real throwing QB.

I'm used to heart break though. Ohio sports is always just not good enough. The Indians have taught me that and when Lebron leaves the Cavs because he can't win here, it will be the final straw on our already broken backs. Don't start hoping TOO much, because some how, some way, we will find a way to lose. We beat ourselves everytime. If that guy hadn't got called for roughing the kicker, last night would have been drastically different. It's like athletes in Ohio don't have that killer edge. The fans are too nice. Too forgiving. We'll lose and say next year. We're optimists. Yippee. I'd rather be a winner.

01/07/2008

So I watched the movie Stardust this weekend and I really liked it. It was pretty much awesome. Check it out if you like Fantasy movies! I also saw the return of Amercian Gladiators, which was fun! But I can't imagine going to it live. I gotta think it just draaaggggssss out during the non-action. I know how professional wrestling is and this HAS to be worse. Way worse. I mean, they basically stretch a half hour of action into an hour show with the commercials. Which means they probably have a half hour of action and takes about 2 hours live. It would be fun to do though. I also saw the reunion to I Love New York. That girl is plain nasty and does not deserve to have a TV show. Trash is a good word. Nasty, stinky dingleberry are a few more. I finally figured out where I have seen her before. TA-DA:


I found this interesting. Depending on what state you live in, it varies if you have to give the engagement ring back if you call it off. I tend to think of it as a promise and not so much a gift. So that if it ends up not happening, the getter should give it back to the giver. It's pretty antiquated anyhow. I love how people will clutch onto things that benefit them even if it goes against everything else they are fighting for. Like how women love the idea of everything that is "traditional" marriage, even though it's a pretty sexist tradition. And how minorities want to be treated equal and yet love having things specialized for them. Like scholarships and television channels and fraternities. Like the immortal Million Dollar Man used to say, "Everybody's Got a Price!" There is nothing wrong with it, everybody does it. Just own up to it!

Just when you thought Britney was worthless, she redeems herself.

01/03/2008

Do you people ever go through and read my old blogs? Do you? Cuz there is some funny shit in there. I need to comment on the news some more. I mean talking about waxing my balls, my wii, and such are fun and all, but it lacks substance. Wait. That sounds bad. There is tons of substance there. Tons. It lacks...merit.

Hmm, so there seems to be a lot of interest in my waxing of the back. Let me tell you, it's not that bad. A few years ago my ex-wife tried doing it with NADS and that was much more worthy of the title "hell". It looked like somebody took a cheese grater to my back. This lady was good and she ripped real fast. It's not pleasant, but I have 3 tattoos, so I was prepared. She said I was the first person she's done who hasn't flinched, so that made me happy. I guess. As happy as one can be after having hair folicles torn from their body with a sugary honey like substance. Either way, I liked it enough to go back in a few more weeks. Maybe I should try a bikini wax. Or a nuts wax. Can you imagine that? Tearing it off and finding part of your scrotem left there on the paper? Yowzers!

So on Monday I think it was I awoke to find fog outside. FREEZING FOG. Have you ever heard of such a thing? That's what they were calling it.

Last but not least, I finished a check book writing my rent check for January. It took me 2 YEARS to complete this check book, I looked at the very first check. That is how much I use internet banking. What's in a checkbook, like 25 checks? I have no idea.

01/02/2008

I give you the new lingerie store from Abercrombie and Fitch. Guys, you will love that link. Girls, you will love that link. You are all welcome. Happy New Year!

12/31/2007

Well my friends, this is it. The last day of the year. 2007 has come to a close and with it a chapter ends and a new one begins. Life is funny like that. I don't make any resolutions or crap like that. I live each year with one goal, to be happy. It's simple. I like simple. This year was a big year for me. So much happened, it's just too hard to summarize. 2007 was most likely the most important year of my life with everything that happened to me. In 2007, the old me was put to rest and in 2008 a new me will rise from the ashes like the Phoenix, ready for the life that awaits me. That sounds pretty.

Really though, I feel like I finally know myself and what I want out of life. It's nice to have a path that isn't so linear. So predictable. I don't know what to expect, and that's exciting. Waking up everyday knowing what the next day, week, month, year is going to be like is not something I am, or was, ready for. Someday, sure. Just not right now. I need some freedom.

I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Year's Eve. Jamie and I will be at the Hyatt Regency in downtown Columbus, and we won't have to drive which is nice. Now, on to my Christmas!

So Christmas Eve I spent with the fam. We went to my Great Aunt Carole's nursing home. Which is like going to see the Ghost of Christmas future and hoping that it's not really ever going to happen to you. It's not this particular home or people or anything like that. Even if this was the club med of nursing homes I would feel the same. I don't want to get old. It's depressing. My cousin's baby and my great aunt carole played together. As if they were of the same age. Not 98 YEARS apart. But it was fun and good to see everyone. And my mom made rice krispy treats. Which are THE FUCKIN BOMB!!!!!!

So then Christmas morning I flew to Destin Florida (Which is the BOMB DIGGITY YO!) to meet Jamie and her family. It's beautiful there. I would definitely live there. One of the few places I have visited that I would actually want to live there. The beaches are white and sandy. The water crystal blue-green. Palm Trees and such. It's a growing city and has lots to do as well. AWESOME! Jamie's family is incredibly awesome as well and we had a great time! I went in the ocean every day, despite the fridged temperatures. I mean, you can't pass that shit up. I bought a crappy body board thing that kinda helped me ride some waves. I should have bought a bigger one. Oh well. Next time.

Oh and I got my back waxed before the trip. It was worth it. I am going to start going every 6 weeks!

12/22/2007

I got bored today and because of that, you get rewarded with my first youtube video. I'm hopefully gonna do more of these if you like them. Gay? Maybe. Retarded? Surely. Funny? I think so. Hope you enjoy it!

12/21/2007

bored? This will help!

I fucking HATE living by a mall. It's straight up WACK during Christmas time. And why the hell can't people drive? The Holidays is like releasing mental patients into the wild. People can't drive. They are up in each other's faces. It;s horrible. This is supposed to be a time of caring and shit. SO ACT LIKE IT YOU FUCK FACES BEFORE I WHOOP YOUR CANDY ASS!!! Oh Hypocracy. How I love thee.

So christmas time is almost here. Did you do all your shopping? Didja? Get a nice Wii? Maybe an iPod? Some candy? Some shiney jewelry? Maybe some socks and undies? Sounds DIVINE! I managed to do not step foot in a store. Everything done online. It was quite lovely. And by lovely I mean, I didn't have to go near those psychopaths at the stores trying to show their love of Christ by being the best gift giver. You think the wiseman that brought the Gold was loved more than Mr. Frankensense and Mr. Mur? I have no idea how to spell either of those words. Fuck it. And those wisemen's names were even crazier. I think they were named Keeshawn, Bobaflex and Lebron. Or something like that.

I got a Blackberry Pearl for work and I LOVE IT! Best phone ever, even better than my enV. I have downloaded 3 apps for it so far, ColorPearl, so I can change my trackball color. I have blue ball now. And then Google Maps Mobile, which is close to being like GPS, and OperaMini 4, which is a real nice web browser. SHIBBY!

12/20/2007

Today feels like a Friday. But it's a Thursday and that makes it SUCK!! I don't want tomorrow to come DAG NABBIT! Anybody got that nifty stop time power thingy majig?? anyone? buehller?

Holy Crap. The Rock And Roll Hall of Fame Induction ceremony will actually be AT the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame in 2009. Imagine that. Something that actually makes sense. And Bon Jovi could be elected. how cool would that be. Plus Stevie Ray Vaughn and Run DMC. Could make for an interesting concert.

12/19/2007

Today is dedicated to our troops and their families. Happy Holidays and come home safe.

12/18/2007

I got this crazy thing in the mail yesterday. I guess it's a secret? I dunno. But Congratulations! to whom it may concern. I can't wait!

So if you go to the current me section over to your right there, you'll see my wii code. Feel free to add me to your list and leave YOUR WII code in the comments section. How do you get your wii code? how do you add my wii code? On your Wii home screen, go to the lower right hand corner of the screen and click on the envelope. On that screen, click on the second icon on your right, the "notes" button or whatever it is called. That screen pops up 3 bigger icons. Click the one on the left, address book. That will give you YOUR wii code AND let you enter mine. Voila. Mmmm. Voila. I love that shit. It's like pre-made, home cooked meals. Yummy.

12/17/2007

I didn't have a whole to say today. I saw I AM LEGEND and it was awesome. Not a lot like the book, but good in it's own merits. They are similar, but the movie version is a bit more on the human psyche causing a catastrophy, while I feel the book has more to do with dealing with a catastrophy handed to you. I don't want to spoil anything for you, but I think, overall, the book would have been better to "see what happens". That being said, they both REQUIRE a sequel for that to happen.

OK, so I have a NEED to comment on NJ banning the death penalty. You punk ass bitches running that state are idiots. You'd rather sentence innocent people to life in prison than get their misery over with? THIS is your reasoning? Would you rather be killed instantly or buried alive? I know I'd rather die instantly given there is maybe a 1% chance of being dug up. Or in this case found innocent. I would MUCH rather die innocent then get butt raped, demeaned and whatever else every day for the rest of my life. Even if you are found innocent some day, how do you get your life back? Job? Wife? Kids? Everything is GONE! Fuck that. You pansies over NJ need to grow some balls. And while you're at, lets add things to what should get the death penalty. LIKE RAPE! For the love of God, why are we so caring about these monsters in this world. Sometimes, people deserve to die. We shouldn't have to pay taxes to hold their hands the rest of their lives.

12/14/2007

So last night was the Hinder & Three Days Grace Concert! It was awesome! Lovesick Radio opened and they were really good too. They were like a Green Day type band. A Simple Plan came out between 3DG and Hinder and they played an acoustic set. They're pretty gay, but that's OK. They sing that I'm a Dick, I'm addicted to you song. Meh. 3 Days Grace was awesome though, great set. They just moved up a few places on my top bands list! If you get a chance, see those guys live. Hinder was superb as well. The lead singer is a gay version of Mic Jagger, but he has one of the best voices I have ever heard live. He's so flaming though. But they are a true rock band, old school style. Very cool to see live. We left early which sucked, but whatcha gonna do. I got to hear one of their new songs and it was really good. This was their last show on this tour for the current album, so a new album should be out soon.

12/13/2007

Steroids, eh? Who knew. Oh wait. Everyone knew. Why the fuck is everyone so surprised? We all knew this shit was coming. what we need to do is hold the Player's Association responsible for making sure this shit doesn't happen again. They need to give in to a true drug enforcement policy with blood testing. Not this urine sample bull shit. Grow a pair MLBPA. You fucked up for decades. Accept it, remedy it, and lets move on. That's the point of the Mitchell report. Not to point fingers and GASP and AWE at what happened. You bastards need to fix this shit.

12/12/2007

Hmmm, it's getting close to Christmas and well, I don't have much else to talk about today, so I am going to tell you the first Christmas memory I think I have. I have no idea how old I was, maybe 5 or 7? We'll say 6.

OK so that year I was sick on Christmas Eve, right. But I think my bedroom must already have been moved upstairs. Anyhow, I think I fell asleep on my parents floor or bed (dear old Dad didn't ditch us until I was 11). I think I woke up or my parents went to bed so my mom walked me upstairs. It was pitch black, only the light pouring in from the front bay window illuminated the living room. I was groggy and as I was walking up the stairs destined for sleepy land I looked over at the glistening tree. There, in front of the tree, I saw a kneeling Santa complete with a helper elf. I could barely hide my elation and I whispered to my mom the details I had just summarized in my head. She said that was wonderful and I should get up to bed before Santa sees us. Somehow I managed to get to sleep that night, either due to being sick, the medicine I was taking, or simply because I wanted to see what Santa had left me that night. I was usually a good boy. I figured I was getting SOMETHING good.

Christmas morning comes and I slowly arise from my slumber, still sick, but excited none the less. I make my way down the stairs and glance over the railing. There, in front of the tree, were a large Cheetah stuffed animal and a smaller Rhinocerous (though still quite large). I wasn't a foolish child and I put two and two together pretty quickly. That damn Cheetah was Santy Clause and the Rhino was his silly little elf. The fact my sister and I had asked for large stuffed animals that year furthered the proof. I'm not entriely sure, but I do believe that was the nail in the coffin for me and Santa Clause quickly dissipated into the land of myths. It had to happen sometime and having your imagination dashed is generally a good first step.

The Rhino was for me and I loved that guy for YEARS. At first I was a littled pissed because my sister's Cheetah was so much bigger. But she couldn't hug and love it like I could my Rhino. Eventually Rhino (yes, that was his name) had a baby Rhino. Which I aptly named Baby Rhino. The three of us had years of fun together. Rhino was like my blankly and by far my most favorite stuffed animal ever. That guy got me through some tough times and I will never forget that night, seeing him and Santa Clause chillin by the Christmas tree. It may not have been real, but for a brief moment, it was to me.

12/11/2007

I've been enjoying a lot of the Hippity Hoppity lately. I don't know, maybe gangsta rap is finally on it's way out. It seems like dance/club music about sex and dating and crap is really the big things right now. And I attribute that all to one thing. Shawty. This word is in every damn new song out today. It's like baby's momma. Without the baby. Everything is about Shawty. Shawty Shawty Shawty. It's not even a fucking word. You kids just made it up, but whatever. Cyclone, Low by Flo Rida (worst name EVER), and you make me better are some of my faves right now. All contain this mystical shawty. Whoever you are my short in stature friend, I salute you. Not with my hand, no.

So Paranormal State is AWESOME! It's better than Ghost Hunters I think. Maybe. We'll see how much evidence collecting they start doing. It's definitely more captivating to watch, so it wins in entertainment. But I believe there is a place for both of them. So it's all good. It takes over my Heroes slot. Oh and the season finale of Heroes sucked monkey ass. And yes, I am talking about baboon monkey ass. How disappointing. I am going to the Hinder/Three Days Grace concert on Thursday! YAY!

12/10/2007

Hey Everybody! Everybody clap your hands! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. I hope that song is stuck in your head the rest of today. MUAHAHA!

So, Jeffrey asked this weekend to bring comments back, and I have. So now you can read and leave comments! There is a bunch of validation and no HTML allowed, so keep that in mind. Billy.

You know what I hate? Lots of things. But lately, jewelry commercials. They are horrible and women should be insulted by them. But they aren't, because most of what is perpetuated by the commercials is TRUE. Wife mad at you? buy her jewelry. Wife mad at you? It's because her friend's husband bought her jewelry. Now YOU go buy her jewelry. Want her to tell you she loves you? Buy her jewelry. Want to get a gift and get nothing in return? Apparently you simply need to buy her jewelry. But you may get a neck tie or a lawn mower or something lame in return, so there is always that to look forward to.

I love how men are expected to know exactly what KIND of jewelry to get women too. And we do. We know the cut you want, and the gold or platinum you would like, and how many carats would be best for YOU. Maybe we take a look at the clarity. The color. The four fucking C's rolled up nicely in a bow. But us? We're "too hard to shop for". We like electronics and gizmos and whatnots and sports and sex and it's just so hard. And this is what I think about every time I see a jewelry commercial. And I cry a little bit on the inside for men everywhere.

12/07/2007

Read this and know there are moments in this life worth living and dying for. And sometimes, both.

So, I already finished I AM LEGEND. It was more a long short story and the rest of the book is a collection of short stories. I was a bit disappointed. It's an intriguing idea though and I hope the movie keeps true to the ending of the book. The movie is set in 2012 and the book is 1976. But other than the differences one could expect resulting from THAT, I hope that it stays the same premise. If it does, you'll be in for a ride! Riiiiiiiiide.

I am quite glad it's Friday. I'm a little sleepy too. My car is BACK! YAY! I missed it. I might get a new version of it next time I get a car. Or maybe one of the new Hybrids Chevy is putting out. Depends on if my house is sold or not. People. I need you to spread the word. If someone wants to buy a house in the Cleveland area, I can give them a GREAT deal in a GREAT neighborhood. Help me out!!!!

12/06/2007

I want this. a lot.

Hey PEEPS! You cute little marshmallowy readers, you. With your yellow sugar encoated goodness. YUM!

So I had my enV stolen when my car got broken into. I ended up buying an old XV6600 off some guy on craigslist for el-cheapo. And at first I hated it. Then I started searching for apps for it and found out it's possible to turn a windows mobile device into an iPhone like device. so I have been busy doing that and it's done and incredibly impressive. There is a youtube video about it but I doubt you're interested in that. here it is just in case. Mine is actually nicer as it has an iPhone themed top bar, an SNES emulator, real time weather on the front screen, etc. But you get the idea. The phone is huge though, so that sucks donkey balls.

I bought superbad and watched it last night. Chica Chica YEAH! Love that movie. Probably in my top 5 of all time. CLASSIC.

12/03/2007

Well, I updated the past blog thingy so this site is all nice and up to date and this front page will be nice and fast without all the old blog stuff. Just some stuff to help you, the reader, enjoy me, the Dave. Watched a shit ton of movies this weekend, including the Big Lebowski, House of a 1000 corpses and The Devil's Rejects. Oh and Live Safe, Die Hard. All very great movies.

It was also a nice geeky weekend for me. I set up a new router with wireless G support, and I secured it a bit more, stopped my SSID from being broad casted, shit like that. It's nice and fast now and all my devices are talking to each other, etc. I have my main PC hooked up, my Tivo, my Wii and my Squeezebox. I have yet to get my spare PC working. There is something wrong with the network adapter I think, not sure. BUT I just set up my new HD-DVD player this weekend as well, complete with fiber optic digital audio and HDMI. The picture is insane and it upconverts regular DVDs as well. So now I have upconverting DVD players in the living and bed room, both with surround sound receivers, though I need 2 more speakers and a bass for the bedroom. Someday. I also changed my Squeezebox to use the fiber optic output as well. Anyhow, the HD-DVD player can be hooked up to the net for additional content, so that's next.

11/30/2007

quick, they are all in one place. can someone please bomb these idiots. I hate religious fanatics. Which seems to include 90% of Muslims.

Wow. This is the last day of November. Which means 31 days left of 2007. The Year in Review for me is going to be CRAZY. Look for it mid-December. I should have known this was going to be a roller coaster of a year for me by the way it started and the way last year ended. In California. Sitting in a hotel room in ghetto San Jose by myself. At least I still remember all of it like it was yesterday. So I still have my memory going for me. This was probably the biggest year of my life. So many things to think about. I learned more about myself this year than any year EVER. And possibly my entire life combined. This was a turning point my friends. This was my "Enlightentment" era. Sure, I didn't make any naked sculptures of dudes or anything, but whatever.

I'm looking forward to some chilling this weekend. I have had a grand total of 2 drinks in the last 2 weeks and it was on 2 separate days. That's pretty good. Watched Shrek 3 and I know who killed me last night. I know who killed me was OK. I wouldn't watch it again. Shrek 3 was cute and funny and and a Shrek movie. Everything you'd expect. Poop jokes and all.

I finished the Amber Room and it was good. If you need a Dan Brown-esque fix, it's a good option. The Amber Room is completely real and the story could be completely real. It's fast paced, has action, etc. Interesting stuff. But nothing will ever come close to the mysticism of the Nights Templar, or the Holy Grail, or shit like that. EXCEPT maybe aliens and area-51 type shit. That might be cool.

I started reading I Am Legend and will try and finish it over the next 2 weeks. I think I've already dissected what will happen in the entire book after Part I, but we'll see. The book is set 30 years ago and the movie is present day or the near future. I think that was smart. I'm pretty pumped about both.

Christmas ALE! YUM!

11/29/2007

Oh My GOD. This is both the best and worst thing EVER. But overall, I think the best thing ever. Because it's actually pretty flippin funny and really stays true to form. Anyhow, I introduce to you, Cherry Chocolate Rain:

11/28/2007

I forgot to tell everyone I fixed this site so it works in firefox now. Sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I know most of the people who read this site are geeks and nerds and internet junkies like myself, so it was really irresponsible for me to do that. I owe you one. And by owe you one I mean suck it. Jerky.

So I am addicted to the song Austin by Blake Shelton. I can't embed the youtube video because of permissions issues, but here it is. Now, I love me some country. I really do. They really know how to sing about "feelings" and "touching lyrics" and "heart felt moments" as well as "things I can relate to" and crap like that. But i really love this friggin song. I just listen to it and it's like "Fuck yeah, that's what I'm talking about". It cuts me man. Right to the heart.

Now, I also am diggin Killswitch Engage. They have a song on Guitar Hero 3 that is real good but they also remade Holy Diver and it's BADASS. You can find that one here. I know I am all over the place when it comes to music. But really I love music that I can:
a. sing to
b. can identify with
c. both (these are my favorite)
If a song fits in category c, you can bet they will be on a "Dave's Mix" CD or a "PARTY insert number here" CD. Anyhow, the video for Holy diver is pretty fun, so check it out. BTW, I should have a d. up there. Here it is:
d. sing and sound like a complete ass to
These are usually hip hop and rap songs that I like to butcher and act like a thug with. Hey BAYBAY. Now Superman! YOU!

11/23/2007

You should click on this and read. It's sad. It's moving. It's beautiful.

So I ate yesterday. And then at like 9:30 last night I ate my gobble-ty gook of leftovers (well, half of it). Thanksgiving is that one day when feeling like you are going to barf is a good thing. I wonder what people with Bulemia do? And how to anorexic's get through this day? I wish you two groups of people the best of luck in this conundrum. It really is OK to eat. A little bit of fat on you is OK, beneficial even. What happens if we have a nuclear winter??? Now, don't go getting a muffin top or anything. And if you do, certainly don't show it off. Strawberry Shortcake is a fictional character. We don't need a life-like representation. The Purple Pie Man doesn't want to see it.

The Smurfs were all a bit over weight too, but Smurfette wore a nice dress to cover that shit up. Hell, Gargamel wore a dress. Hmmm. That could explain a lot. I miss watching cartoons. Sure, Sponge Bob is cool and "hip". He understands the lingo these days. He's got "street cred". He "knows his roll". He can "drop things whilst hot". Patrick is his "shawty". It's Sponge Bob, bitch. But come on. The Snorks, Gummy Bears, G.I. Joe, Transformers, He-Man, She-Ra, the Smurfs, these were real cartoons. They oozed good triumphing over evil. They taught lessons and urged us to be good. What do we learn today? Lets see. The Bratz teach our children how to dress like whores, Sponge Bob teaches them how to be moronic dimwits, and Dora the Exlporer, Bob The Builder, and Blue's Clues teach them how to mindlessly find things. I look forward to a generation of zombies dressed like whores trying to talk to inanimate objects. It's Britney, Bitch.

11/21/2007

I'm sick. I'm not ignorning you. I'm just sick. Give me a few days. And scratch my belly.

OK, so tomorrow is thanksgiving and I will no doubt glutton myself on all things turkey like. I love Stove Top stuffing. You go take your freshly made stuffing and shove it up your own ass. I like my Stove Pot in the pot on the stove, not up some Turkey's ass. I love orange, creamy, thrown up like squash. I have never seen it anywhere else than my mother's table. It's like mashed potatoes, except orange squash. It's flipping delish. The day after, or sometimes even the night of, I take a tupperware container, throw every single item of food in that was made the day before, top it off with some gravy, throw it in the microwave, and I eat that shit. I eat like it's my last meal. And that's what thanksgiving is to me. Or something.

I had the worst weekend ever. I don't want to go into it much. But it sucked a lot. And because of it I have decided to never get drunk again in public. You can tell I'm serious because I'm not just saying I am never going to drink again, because I will. But as far as over drinking, no way. Not going to happen. It just aint worth it.

11/16/2007

So I found this new movie coming out by the director of Donnie Darko, which is a really weird, awesome movie. It's called Southland Tales. The cast of characters is huge, with lots of stars. But the movie looks insane, which is nice to see. It's got a whole Viral campaign starting too, and I found two subsites so far for the movie, Treer Products (where you can see one SUV have sex with another SUV) and Krysta Now which needs some more content. I think this is going to be some cultural end of the world type movie, with people possibly leaving their real lives and instead going with a virtual life route. But it's really hard to say. Check everything out, it's interesting stuff and since Donnie Darko was so out there, I am quite excited!

11/15/2007

I am so F-ing tired. I can barely even type this message for you all to read. So you're welcome. Wait. Now I have to type something witty or of substance to make sure you get your readership's worth. Lets see. I could tell some drunk stories. I'm sure my mom wouldn't appreciate that much though. EARMUFFS! Seriously Mom, you know you don't want to read about my drunkeness. My drunkeries. My sir drunks-a-lot. Drunkapalooza? Right.

Hmmm, lets tell the first ever drunk story. I was a freshman in college. And uh, I started college late so I as 21? Yeah, lets say that for legal reasons. I don't support underage drinking. More than 3 times a week. So anyhow, I was trying to figure out if I wanted to join a fraternity (I didn't that year, I found the right one a year later) and I went to a "Smoker" as they call them.

Well, I was still a light weight as I hadn't ever drank until college but somehow I got a hold of a pitcher and that was my cup. A pitcher. So a couple hours later I stumbled into a sober persons car and they drove me back to campus. I remember sitting on a rock for an hour, and I think I had that damn empty pitcher in my hand still. The story from my perspective stops there as I don't remember any of the rest.

So I get to my room and I try to get into bed and my roommate is just watching me stumble into pretty much every object in the room. I had a 7:45 AM advanced calculus class the next day after all. I get into bed and my roommate is watching me to make sure I don't die and just then, I lean over the bed and puke all over the floor. About a 4 foot drop. SPLAT! I managed to fall asleep and all through the night I kept spitting on the wall next to me.

Well, 7:30 AM rolls around and BEEP BEEP BEEP. My alarm goes off. I get out of bed and I stand in front of my alarm for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out what to do. So, I finally figure it out. I take my shirt off and put it on top of the alarm clock. I just drop a white T-shirt on top, and, happy with my work, go back to bed. But WAIT! It's soaking wet. I forgot to put my diaper on. My roommate had to turn the alarm off BTW. So I go get a bath towel and lay it on the bed and go back to sleep. I wake up at like noon and change the sheets, clean up the puke, shower and then I go back to sleep until 6 PM.

So, that's my first ever drunk story and it's one of the best. It's not THE best though. There are others. They are out there. Waiting to be told. Stumbling around my head like me in a drunken stupor. Drunky McDrunkstein?

11/14/2007

So I beat Guitar Hero 3 on Easy last night. YAY. But I don't know how I am going to play Medium right handed. My left hand doesn't even know my pinky finger exists. It just lays there like a 60 year old man's wiener before he pops viagra. Do they make viagra for pinky fingers? I guess I 'll just keep trying but I play pool left handed, so I guess it only makes sense. Maybe that's why I failed playing real guitar too. Hmmmmm.

House was great last night, but I realized how awful he looks in HD. I mean, he looks like a deteriorating corpse. I kinda felt bad. HD is awesome, but it really does reveal the true self. Which adds a sense of realism I suppose.

I'm still trying to lose some damn weight. My goal is to be a stable 200 by December 31st. It won't be too hard to get to it, the hard part is that there word "stable". Aint no thing though. I'm in the best shape of my life now. I work out 5 days a week, can do cardio for 45 minutes straight, and my bench is close to 330. I can even do 10 chin ups now. Startin to come together. Why do you care about any of that? Because you love me. That's why. Right? Don't you? Why aren't you answering? Hello? This message brought to you by AT&T.

11/13/2007

My site finally works properly in firefox. You're welcome.

OK so this is a picture of my sister's semi-retarded dog Rocky. And by semi-retarded I mean this is the dumbest dog I have ever met in my life. He's like George Bush in dog form. Just jibber jabbering along, making no sense, licking himself in inappropriate areas.


This is one of the funniest things I have seen in quite some time.

So for the first time in my life I really have too many books I want to read. The problem is I only read when I'm working out on the elliptical or stationary bike. It works pretty good, generally a book a month. But still. I have 2 books waiting for me at home, I Am Legend and Hell House, and then I want a shit ton of Christopher Moore books. Best author ever. Seriously. If you like my witty ramblings, you'll love this guy.

Heroes was the best episode all year last night. Which is fucked up because it was a flash back episode. I don't why they chose to do it like that, but whatever. It was awesome. I'm on the edge of my seat and knowing my clumsy, oafish, uncoordinated ass, I'm going to fall off. But I'll look damn sexy doing it.

11/12/2007

Worst weekend in Ohio football. Ugh.

Wow am I sore. But that's not bad. Does it mean I'm old? I don't think so. Let me drop it down for you what these football games entail. No pads. Mouth Pieces. Generally under 15 alumni show up (this year we had 16, nice!). And that's it. We go up against 20+ undergrads and in the past we used to win. They are now entrenched in a 3 year winning streak.

I think I can still keep up with guys 10 years younger than me pretty good. It's just sad to think I go see my fraternity brothers and I am 3 years older than the next youngest alumni that shows up. And the fact that I am 10 years older than some of the guys I am playing against is also a hard fact to deal with. But I enjoy it, so I guess I will stop when my body starts falling apart. When I can't take a 280 pound guy running at me like a rhinocerous, and meet him head on, I'll know I'm done. Literally taking his head directly into my face, sit out one play, and get back in there. I'm sore. But that's it. And I can handle that a lot better then when the day comes when I can't play. That was the only play I missed on both sides of the offense and defense and special teams. I loathe even thinking about being old. I don't think it's a MUST. That's not my mentality. And I'm going to try and avoid it every chance I get. Now if only I could be vampirized this would make things much easier. Which leads to...

I saw 30 Days of Night this weekend. It's a damn good vampire movie, go see it or at least rent it. It gets slow at times and I really would have liked more info on the vampires themselves. I don't care about the humans they are butchering, I want to know about these undead beings before me, but I liked it. And it makes me think, given the chance, would I become a vampire? Would I be able to live forever given the fact I would have to kill others? And I think the simple answer is yes, I probably would. Because nowadays I wouldn't have to kill anyone, I could just steal blood from hospitals. Though I don't believe vampires exist, so I guess it doesn't even matter. Most people wouldn't want to live forever I suppose. But I would.

11/9/2007

Well, it's Friday. YAY! This week went by really quickly. Work was busy because the vendor was in town. So I got to learn a lot from him. I have learned so much since I've gotten here, AIX, Solaris, Tomcat, J2EE, portals, portlets, IAM, OH MY! It's been really cool.

Tomorrow is the big Fraternity foorball game. I hope I don't die. If you remember last year, my ankle looked like the below after the game. The sad thing is that this happened towards the beginning and I still played on it. What is wrong with me? I hate losing. And the team this year will probably suck again. Dammit.

11/8/2007

Welcome back to Dave's online diary and writing shop a-go-go. So this week featured some good episodes of House, Heroes and Ghost Hunters. They were all above average I'd say. I'm really into Beauty and the Geek. Why? Basically I feel like my life is one big lifetime season of this show. I was those geeks. So it really is nice to see a show helping them grow, because I think I just got lucky in doing it myself. Though I will always be a geek at heart. And in mind. And spirit. And actions. Not sure I like the whole girl geek, guy beauty thing. It kind of ruins the dynamic but it is very true to form. The hot people go right for each other. What I would LOVE to see is some rich geeks on the show and see what that does. Have maybe 6 regular geeks and two really wealthy ones and then see how the beauties re-act. I mean, we all know how, but still. Oooh, or they could do 4 really wealthy geeks and 4 poor hot guys. I'd like to see what happens there too. They should change the format every once in a while in a meaningful way, not a "shocking" way. They could have a seperate girl geek one as well, but the problem with that is the guy "beauties" would all be douche bags and even if you put rich geeky chics on there, it wouldn't matter. Guys just don't care about money. I'd like to see a re-union special too for all prior seasons. See if anyone has truly changed. OK so I just spent 10 sentences talking about a TV show for chicks. Something is definitely wrong with me. Thank goodness I am a steaming pile of heterosexual man.

11/7/2007

The below story is now finished. Three seperate parts written over the last 3 days, so if you stopped, you'll want to find the bolded sections for all the latest installments. I wrote the idea for the below when I was in Third grade and I always wanted to finish it. This is just a quick take, but it almost does it justice. The original was very short and a lot less graphic obviously. But I always thought it deserved to be finished.

11/5/2007

As many of you know a few years ago I owned 3 dogs. Yes, I said three. I had always meant to build a dog house for them, but I could just never get around to it due to my busy work schedule. It was a cool October and I had just gotten my SUV when I was driving home from work. The leaves were a brilliant shade of red and orange, with just a hint of brown starting to set in. Perfect, to me at least.

I was just a few miles from home and I noticed a sign for a yard sale. I hadn't been to one in years, so I thought, hey, why the hell not. The house was set back in the woods, barely visible from the street. In fact, I had driven right by it the first time and needed to turn around. Nothing wrong with a U-turn on a desolate street, right?

When I managed to pull in the rocky driveway and work my way back to the house, I realized I was out of luck. The sale had apparently ended and not a soul or car was in sight. I started turning around and on my way out I noticed a pile of trash. The usual stuff, bookcase, old chairs, black bags of who knows what. But there, sitting right outside the pile, was a beautiful victorian-esque dog house. Sure, it needed some cleaning up, but overall, I couldn't believe the find.

I looked around to see if anyone was around, I didn't want anyone running up and expecting money from me. There wasn't a sound, so I figured I was in the clear. I put the house in the back of the truck and was on my way. Done and DONE!

When I got home I put the house in the back corner of the yard and closed the fence, excited to see how the dogs would react. I opened up the side door and at first they didn't even notice, too excited at my arrival. Eventually, Sparky was the first to make his way over to the new arrival. A couple of sniffs though, and he was done. Running back to where the rest of the crew was. I thought it was odd at the time, but Buster and Cecil didn't even make there way over there. When they noticed it they just sat and stared. As if I had told them to sit. Ah well, I thought, they'll get used to it eventually!

I headed inside to get a drink when after only a few minutes I heard barking outside. And lots of it. I could make out the usual but it sounded like a fourth dog was involved. Someone walking past the house, I thought. When I went to go let them in though, there wasn't anyone in sight. I called for the dogs and Cecil and Buster came running inside. Sparky shortly followed, an odd limp in his step. I ran out to help and saw a wound on his leg. Poor guy. He's the fiesty one of the bunch, but also the smallest. Dogs will be dogs though! I brought him inside and cleaned him up. He seemed a bit shaken, but overall, I knew he'd be fine.

The next few weeks Sparky recovered from his small injury, while Cecil and Buster would get knicks of their own. This had never happened before. I didn't understand why they were getting so aggresive with each other. And it kept escalating. One morning I found a dead squirrel in the yard. A few days later, a dead rabbit. It's head missing. I knew something had to be done when I found the neighborhood alley cat mauled into a bloody pile of fur and bones. I couldn't believe what was going on. I never noticed any blood on the fearsome threesome other than the superficial wounds they would sometimes appear with. I knew I had to figure out what was going on. Off to the vet I went, Sparky in hand as my evidence.

The vet did a full examination and could find noting wrong. She said the wounds were pretty normal of playful activity but that I may need to think about taking them outside seperately. When it came to the animals, she recommended me staying outside and reprimanding them should another occurrence reveal itself. I agreed and left, feeling a little better about the situation. Until I got home. When I arrived the smell of piss and shit lingered through the house as if, somehow, an airfreshener was made with that very scent. I went to the basement were Cecil and Buster were being kept and found them cowering in a corner. The basement practically destroyed. The odd part was that they were together. Almost cuddling. I almost got sick from the smell.

I cleaned everything up and made sure they were OK. I watched all 3 closely over the next few days and followed the vets advice. Things seemed great. In fact, the dogs seemed even closer and more unified than ever before. They would avoid the yard for the most part, but at that point I hardly noticed, just happy to seem them getting along.

When Halloween arrived everything as seemingly back to normal. I had a party planned and I was excited for it, a nice little distraction. I had to move the party outside since the basement still had a funky odor. And by funky I mean it still smelled like a port-o-potty. We had a great time though and the party was a success.

The next few days the pictures of the party came rolling in. And that's when things started to get a bit weird. Many of the pictures had a strange set of red eyes in them. Piercing eyes. Fiery eyes. My friends all made comments about them. The dogs, they blamed it on. But the dogs were inside the majority of the party. I didn't understand. Until I saw the eyes in the farthest corner of the yard. Staring almost through me. From the dog house.

I looked out my back window. It was dark out. Still. Silent. And there, in the dark recesses of the dog house, red eyes faded in and out of view. Pulsing. I closed the blinds and got a hold on my senses. I looked again. Nothing. My mind playing tricks on me I thought. I went upstairs to get ready for bet. The dogs by my side. Closely. I opened my closet door to put my close away and I almost lost my balance by my suprise. In the closet door mirror I saw them. The red eyes. When I gained my composure they were gone. I looked around. Nothing.

As I was heading for sleep I heard the dogs, led by Sparky. Barking incessantly. Violently, at the bedroom door. Their muzzles showed their teeth, pratically foaming at the mouth and I could not get them to stop. Guard dogs not about to budge. I opened the bedroom door and there, in front of us, stood something out of hell. It lunger towards us and I closed the door. It slammed into it and then began to try and break it down. I looked for anything to use against it, but I had no idea what I could use against this thing. It was the size of a Tiger, hairless, black, teeth the size of my fingers. The eyes glowing like fire. It was made for death. It jumped through the door, shattering into splinters. Sparky lead the charge to protect me, Cecil and Buster not far behind. They were being thrown all over the place. My bedroom truning into a war zone.

I knew then they would not be able to stop this thing. I had to think quickly. The dog house. I ran past the devil hound, through the house. I could sense it behind me, trying to catch up, with my fearless trio holding it at bay as much as they could. I made it to the backyard and grabbed the gasoline tank and my grill lighter from the garage. The dog house was drenched within seconds. As I ignited the lighter, devil's hound was upon me. Sitting on my chest, it's breath burning my face. The lighter made it to it's mark though and the house went up in flames. As it did, so did the hound, tied together in some dark magic. I pushed it off of me, burning my hands and watched them go up in flames.

The stink of death was the only thing lingering in the air. Silence prevailed expect for a slight breeze blowing past my ears. The burnt earth before me was void of any remnants of a doug house or Satan's spawn. I could barely move. The dogs were stuck inside, letting me know as loudly as possible they wanted to get out. I went to the side door and found Cecil and Buster battered but not broken. They would survive. But Sparky was nowhere to be found.

I found him upstairs laying on his side breathing heavily. I thought he might be down for the count, my eyes welling with tears. Just then I saw his tail begin to wag. His head lifted up. He stood, and I knew he would be OK.

The next few weeks were a relief. No disruptions. No problems. Everything was laid back and serene. The dogs healed nicely and were back to their normal selves. Except for Sparky. He kept to himself more than usual, a bit more jumpy. A bi-product of the aftermath I figured. Until one night I was laying in bed, looking out the window, when I saw a reflection of sparky. Everything was normal. Except his eyes. Those glowing, fire branded eyes I had seen once before. I looked directly at him. Nothing. My mind playing tricks. Wasn't it?

11/1/2007

Hmm, so it's november, eh? Booo. That means cold. I hate cold. Though I do get to wear a nice skully winter cap now because of my short hair! YAY! So my short story got some great reviews and really boosted traffic a shit ton. So I'll probably start doing those on an at least a monthly basis.

Here's a pic of my halloween costume. It was one of a kind and everyone loved it. I got a lot of "Hey, it's DUFFMAN! NICE!" comments!


So it WAS my mom's fault!!!

10/31/2007

Are you noticing yet how dark it gets when you leave work? How the sun is just peaking out from behind the horizon to say goodnight? Well I sure have. ESPECIALLY after last night. After work I stopped to go get some crap at the grocery store for a pot luck at work today. When I left the store it was pitch black out and it was only like 6:30.

Anyhow, I started driving home when I immediately came to a dead stop because of traffic. GRRRRR. I hate that. No reason, no accident, just complete morons. And we all know I have the patience of a crack whore at a rehab center. So I take the first right I see down this quaint country back road. OK, it wasn't very country, but it was quaint-ish. Anyhow, I'm about 2 miles down this road when I realize I haven't passed any major streets yet. I'm fucked. EXCEPT I have my handy dandy GPS now. SO I reach over and start setting it up. Well of course I took my eyes off the road for a good 5 seconds and when they peer back on the road I have to slam on my brakes. I missed by inches this small little boy just standing there in the middle of the road, pierced by my headlights only and not the grill of my SUV. What the fuck kid!!!!!

So I get out and make sure he's OK. The kid's not very talkative. OK, he's a damn mute. I couldn't get anything out of him. He's shivering up a storm, dressed in a T-shirt and shorts. Stupid parents. So I get him in the car and blast the heat so he can warm up. After a minute or two I ask him again if he's OK and he nods slowly Yes. I ask him again where he lives and he just stares at me blankly, his blue eyes piercing. I'm starting to get frustrated when he raises his right forearm. I stare in astonishment. There, branded, no...BURNED into this child's arm was 2424 Sixth Street. That was it. And it looked fresh.

Is that your address I ask, my tone a bit more urgent now. Again, he slowly nods his head Yes. I put the address into my GPS and we head "home", though I am unsure of what "home" truly means for him. I keep telling him everything will be OK, reassuring him every step of the way. As we arrive at the small cottage-like dwelling, I ask him to stay in the car while I knock on the door. He doesn't respond, staring ahead dismissively. I head to the door, fearing no one is home as the lights are out, save for a dull glow coming from a basement window. I knock.

I wait a few minutes, knocking intermittently. Eventually my persistence pays off. As the door opened I was immediately met with an odd smell. You know, that smell after a big party where beer and food and God knows what else has been spilled all over the floor and you haven't had a chance to clean it up yet. In front of me stood a middle aged white man in a dirty, stained wife beater. He looked like he hadn't showered in days and worse, he smelled it too. He's fat and slovenly, everything you fear to see in a father. As the door opened wider I see children everywhere. Walking lifeless, down a set of stairs into some abyss. Different ages, different appearences, but all similar. Each one had their right forearm raised, displaying there "brand". 2424 Sixth Street. A child concentration camp, I think to myself as they disappear into the dark.

The man looks at me, disgruntled. Unhappy. What, he says annoyed. I proceed to ask him if perhaps his son has gone missing. I don't have any damn kids, he chuckles to me. He begins to close the door. Before he gets it closed I hear a scream from the depths of the house and I stop the door. What the hell is going on here, I demand as I stare into this demon's eyes. He begins to try and force the door closed but fortunately I had the right amount of leverage and won the battle, knocking him to the floor. I hear the scream again. He grabs at my leg and I kick him across the jaw with my other. He's out.

I rush downstairs in a panic, my adrenaline at an all time high. As I reach the bottom of the steps the smell hits me like a semi, and I nearly lose it. Keeping me together in the middle of the room was a small girl strapped to a table. She was wriggling, scared, but overall she looked OK. I find a scalpal and instead of using it for torture I use it for her freedom. I ask her her name. Clarissa, she says. I tell her I'm gonna get her out of there. But first, I reach for my cell phone. 911. I rush the details to the respondent and hang up quickly. No time to stay on the phone. I head up the stairs, the girl in my arms. As I head for the front door, I stop dead in my tracks and put the girl down, holding her by the hand. The demon was gone. I turn around just in time to see the man charging at us. I push her out of the way and take the hit. He slams on top of me, a walrus that just protruded from the water in a Sea World show. Unfortunately what he didn't realize is that I came prepared. The scalpal I gripped in my hand was now inches into his gut. Blood from his mouth poured onto my chest, I push him off in disgust.

As the demon lay gurgling his own blood like mouthwash, the police arrive, red and blue lights dancing on the walls. I explain what happened to them and they take Clarissa to the the squad car. She looks back at me as if to get my OK and I haunch onto my knees to tell her everything will be just fine now. She hugs me. The head officer and I head out to the front yard as they tape off the yard. I ask them if they have gotten the boy out of my SUV yet and the officer looked at me puzzled. What boy, he asks. I explain to him the entire story now and how I got to this house in the first place. As he writes down the details, another office rushes over. Sarge, you have to see this, he stammers. We rush back into the house, down into the torture chamber, where an officer had found a hidden wall. Carved into the dirt and clay beneath the earth was a separate room. A burial ground it seemed. Graves. Dozens of tiny child-like graves. And there, next to a freshly dug grave, lay still the body of the boy who had just been in my car.

Thats him I force out. The officer looked at me, then went down to the boy. Sir, it looks as if he's been dead for days. I stare back. That's impossible. He was there. I ask about his arm. About his brand. Nothing, the officer says. No signs of any burns on either of his arms.

Days later as more details of the story broke, I receive a call from the officer who ran the investigation. He tells me 25 bodies were found in all, one dating back 15 years. The boy, the latest kill, was Derrick Hammond. Missing three weeks. They confirmed he had died about 2 days before the incident. No burn marks were found. I asked about the other children I had seen. No other children besides Clarissa were found alive. And no burns had been reported on any of the bodies.

Three weeks have gone by and still I see Derrick's eyes staring at me. Blazing and yet lifeless. His forearm raised. The numbers vivid in my mind. 2424 Sixth Street.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

10/30/2007

For those who care, homstarrunner.com's halloween special is out. As usual, it's very good. Not their best, but very good.

I went to see SAW IV last night. It was good. But not as good as the others. I'd say it's the weakest one yet. I thought the other 3 were all very strong but this one's story just wasn't as good. It was more predictable and then the ending was just odd. It didn't all come together like the other ones.

I have been listening a lot to Corrosion of Conformity lately. I forgot how much I loved that band. Good stuff. They are good in concert too.

10/29/2007

First, if you're gonna be in Columbus Wednesday (or could somehow convince where you work that you need to be in Columbus on Thursday) give me a call or shoot me an e-mail and come party for Halloween.

Next, Guitar Hero 3 is awesome. The songs are sweet. They even have a Killswitch Engage song you can unlock which was kinda hard, but WAY worth it cuz the song R0X0Rs. I definitely am glad I got it, even if it was like $90. I need a second guitar now for multiplayer! I enjoy the Wii version because of the fact the Wii version is the only one where your guitar actually makes noises. It doesn't come from the TV since the wii-mote has a speaker built in. It just adds to the experience. Zack and Wiki is still amusing and well worth your hard earned cash too. Then Manhunt 2 comes out Wednesday, which begs the question, when does the madness stop? It doesn't cuz then Mario Galaxy is due out in a couple weeks. But I suppose Christmas is coming.

Watched a shit ton of horror movies this weekend too. And watched OSU whoop on some ass. I watched a grand total of two innings of the world series as well. And Cleveland can take SOME solace in the fact that we were the only team to beat Boston in the post season. And we did it three times. We did it with a third the payroll as well. And as we march into 2008, we know that we'll be faced with the same obstacles of being in a small market city and that this new Red Sox Dynasty is what it is because of a payroll second only to the Yankees. But maybe, just maybe, our ownership will budge a little and spend a few more dollars. Sign C.C., bring in a big bat, and we're set for a few years at a payroll still under $100 million. We could have a dynasty of our own. We were one game away. We deserve it. You know what I don't understand? Why don't teams post some projections. Just outwardly have a drive for ticket sales to be able to be competitive, you know? Just say, if we sell X season tickets, and Y total tickets, that we could boost our payroll to $95 million or something. And then keep posting where they are at with it. Do a friggin sales drive for Christ's sake. Why not? Too much to hide?

10/26/2007

And you thought you could throw a party

I saw this quote on CNN today:
So far, DNA evidence has directly exonerated 208 wrongly convicted people in the United States, according to the Innocence Project.
That is fucked up. 208? Wow. That's way more then I expected. They are introducing some new witness ID standards to help with this, but thank goodness for DNA testing nowadays. It's kinda scary that there could be 208 criminals on the loose as well. Time to start carrying around a samurai sword. How much better would it be if people carried around swords instead of guns. At least you'd have a fighting chance. And you'd know who's "packing".

"Hey John, watcha got there."
"A Stick"
"Oh a stick really. You keep a stick in a leather sheath?"
"Sometimes"
"A 4 foot long stick? What are you going to do with that?"
"Poke stuff"
"Alright, let me see this sti--" *STAB*
"It was a SWORD! TEE HEE"

Saw 28 weeks later last night. Good movie. Can't wait for 28 months later. 28 years later? 28 lunar eclipses later? 28 seconds later? Why the hell not.

10/25/2007

So I played basketball last night. Probably last time we play outside. Unless they want to kill me. And then, maybe a few more. I'm definitely not horrendous. I wouldn't call myself good. How does mediocre sound to you guys? Cool? Ok then.

Zack and Wiki is fun and I was pleasantly surprised it was only $40. It's getting SWEET reviews. 9's and stuff. And I can see why. And that Golden Flying Monkey is just the cutest lil bastard you will ever see.

Fuck Boston by the way. The Red Sox, not the city. I have yet to go there. I am sure the city is awesome. It's on my to do list. So is Britney Spears though, so as you can see my to do list is hardly realistic. And out of date. Lets cross out Britney Spears and put....Carmen Electra. I guess. I really don't know. I'm so out of the loop. Lets uncross out Britney and leave them both on there. Yeah. I feel better now.

10/24/2007



I HATE the new rain gear craze. The rain boots and rain jackets on 25 year old girls is just a bit too scary for me. Is that the new thing? Try to act like you are 20 years younger than you really are? Bleh. Ugly.

So I bought a GPS last night. It's SWEET! I will never get lost again! YAY! It even gives me alternate routes when it sense I am stopped on the freeway. How cool is that?

I am getting Zack and Wiki for the Wii tonight and Guitar Hero 3 comes out Sunday, perfect timing for the winter months.

I had some crazy Lat Viet food for lunch which was actually pretty darn good. It was this weird salad thingy. I am on a diet again because I gained a few pounds. And you know that only pisses me off. So it's a salad for lunch, and no breakfast. I have lost 3 pounds since Monday, so it's working. Dinner is pretty much anything goes, which is nice. SHIBBY!

10/23/2007

Heroes and House. I can't decide which one is better. I can tell you Heroes is even better than last year. It is very compelling this year. GREAT storyline. I am highly enjoying it. House has been great this year as well, without straying much from what it created last year. I am just worried they run out of off the wall illnesses. What's next, a disease that turns you blue and makes you blow up into a blueberry?

I went to Wal-Mart last night and got the majority of my costume. It's CLASSIC. It's going to be awesome. Unfortunately, I had to go to Wal-Mart. Which is like being in a nursing home, where every one is a red neck, and it smells like tobacco flavored halloween make up. I think this is the new hang out spot for the elderly. Either that, or someone dropped them off there and never came back. Which is fine, because there is nothing I hate more than 90 year old people coasting there cars around the streets. Sometimes I think they are in neutral and just hoping they make it that one last mile.

10/22/2007

J.K. Rowling is a GENIUS!!! So she sells billions of books right. Makes millions of dollars. Completes the entire series of books. And THEN tells the world that one of the main characters, Dumbledore, is GAY! Brilliant! How many religious zealots who were in love with this book are pissed off now? I love it. Nice job Rowling. Kudos.

Today is all about being a Clevelander. About knowing loss and destroyed hopes. Having everything fall apart even though you worked so hard. It's the cities theme. Potential. Everything about Cleveland is potential. We could be this some day or that another day. The Indians might win next year or Lebron could finally save the day. Our city could re-invent itself. It could be Chicago. And yet, none of that ever happens. Instead we're stuck with the tag potential. We have a lot of it. Maybe we get too satisfied with that. Maybe we get too happy to just have potential. Maybe we should start booing our players and our city and don't settle with "next year". Maybe we should take a stand. Do it for ourselves. We DO have lots of potential, after all.

So i saw the Reaping this weekend. It was interesting. Definitely worth a rent. Played lots of Resident Evil 4 and Super Mario World. That's right, I said Super Mario World. I downloaded it to the Wii. That game never gets old. Can't wait for Super Mario Bros. 3. Best game EVER!

Wow, take a listen to THIS. It's the final track for Guitar Hero 3. Man, that's gonna be tough. Sounds awesome though. I used to follow a local band called Coin Monster that did a version similar to this.

10/19/2007

I feel like BUTT. I aint gonna lie. I hate that the Indians lost last night. I hate Boston. I hate Manny Ramirez. I hate their fans. They are not deserving of winning anything. They are the Yankees, version 2. They are cocky and they win with money. They are the Anakin Skywalkers of baseball. They went to the dark side and should be ashamed. A once respected franchise has turned it's back on tradition and is now a business. Plain and simple. You're a joke, Boston Red Sox. You and your Fenway company that owns race cars and bull shit. I long for the day when baseball was just that. Baseball. When the crack of the bat was enough. When the crowd cheering was all a player ever needed. When honor and respect and being a legend were what mattered. Now? Now there's just Manny. Darth Manny. Personification of everything that's wrong with professional sports. No heart. Just talent and greed.

10/17/2007

What else is there to say. CC will get it done tomorrow. 'Nuff said.

Hmmm. What else? I have my costume for all Hallow's Eve all designed and I have started piecing it together, but I have no where to go. I don't know of a single party or event to go to. And it sucks. This may be my best costume in years too. It's depressing. Maybe I'll have to throw my own party? Hmmmm. We shall see.

There's too many fucking Wii games coming out and not enough time to play them. Guitar Hero 3, Zack and Wiki, Mario Galaxy, and some others. Those 3 top my list. It used to be I would buy every game I wanted, play it twice, and then never again. I still have them even. But I won't do it anymore. I am trying to hold back. Mainly because I still own a FUCKING HOUSE and have no money. But it's just dumb to buy every video game you could ever want. You know, when you have a job and several other hobbies. Like drinking.

10/16/2007

Well, congrats to the Colorado Rockies. What a great story. I'm sorry, but I have to stop rooting for you now as the Indians, I have faith, will be in the World Series to face you soon. Last night was awesome. Tonight is even more important. A win tonight would be huge. A knife through the heart. Or Sock. Either way, lets bring the Red Sox down. Keep it rolling Tribe fans!

Here's a picture of what I look like with no hair:

10/15/2007

If I have to read or hear "Cleveland Rocks" one more mother fuckin time I'm going to punch someone. No one in Cleveland says that. EVER. Go Indians! Go Browns! Go Cavs! Cleveland Rocks! Fuck.

OK, so the Tribe won one, which is what we needed to do. Tonight is going to be a blast! I can't even imagine what the Jake is going to be like. Maybe like sex starved 18 year old boys in a room of hookers. Yeah, maybe like that.

This weekend was fun. Friday night watched the game, did some drinking, played some Guitar Hero. It was chill. Saturday went to the Boneyard on Mayfield which is probably the best bar no one in Cleveland knows about. Go to the bar area and enjoy. It's one huge screen surrounded by smaller huge screens. This place was a movie theater. Upstairs you can enjoy Dinner. The place is just awesome. Especially for watching the Bucs destroy Kent read, Kent write, Kent State.

Saturday night I got to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in awhile including the birthday boy, Justin. Everybody is turning 30. Crazy. Since I buzzed my head, I think I look WAY younger and other people do too. So, yeah, suck it Death. Anyhow, the birthday party was awesome and Justin's wife did an awesome job. It's nice to see everyone is moderately successful as well and yet we still love free alcohol. Cheap asses. It was funny cuz at one point all the fraternity bro's were sitting on the couches drinking, trying to play quarters, and being perverts. *tear* The more things change the more they stay the same. Tell me why.

10/12/2007

Grrr. It took me almost 2 hours to get to work today. They shut down the free way. Yes, you heard me right. 4 lanes shut down. I had to take an alternate route. I guess someone died? A pedestrian? On a 4 lane highway? I don't get it.

Big day today! Go Tribe! We got this shit! Oh, and the Ghost Hunting too. I hope I catch some EVPs to put up on here.

10/11/2007

Oh I almost forgot. I buzzed all my hair off. I look like...I have no idea. Me. Without hair.

So last night I did some Karaoke with my old friend from NCC Terry. He rocked out to some Mr. Brightside and I did a rendition of Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi. I wanted to do something different, but it was live band, so you have to know the song REALLY well. And it was one of the few songs on their list I did know. All of the people last night were SO good. I think I did OK though. The bar had $1 Natty Light and Busch Light 16 oz. cans. Memories, Misty water golden memories. Of the way we were. I also had a fish bowl, though I don't think there was much alcohol in it.

I played basketball again last night too. In shorts and a T-shirt. Outside. It was 48 degrees. I didn't play as well as I had last time, but whatever. It was fun. Tonight Jamie and I are watching the Amityville horror movies 1 & 2. And I will probably wash it down with a bottle of Nosferatu. MUAHAHAHAHA.


Oh and take a look at this picture I took this morning at work (yes this is what where I work looks like). How cool, huh?

10/10/2007

I keep getting hits from Microsoft. Is that you Ashish? If so....Hi. If that's you again Bill Gates, NO, I will not give you a sponge bath. It's not you. It's me.

Nintendo just released a shit load of details on the Wii. There is a shit ton of brand new games that you can just download straight from the internet coming. For like $15 or less. Including a new Dr. Mario! Sweet! And Karaoke! The big announcement is that Sonic will be playable in Super Smash Bros. SCHWING!

One of my readers has to be filthy rich, right? I mean, one of you has to have like a billion dollars just sitting around, waiting for a use. Well now you have one. Buy this and hire me to turn it into something incredible. Oh the things we could do.

House was good again last night. Actually, I have never seen a bad episode. But when that puppy died, I wanted to cry. I had some delicious Crab and Shrimp Ravioli for dinner last night (they were from Costco). They were friggin delicious!

I read the following this morning and nearly puked all over myself:
Boras said he will argue that Alex Rodriguez will be worth somewhere between a half-billion and a billion dollars over a decade to a team's regional sports network.

Scott Boras is the devil. But he is also a genius. He plays by the rules that MLB has developed. So while he may be the devil, the people who run MLB have allowed him to become that way. As much as I WANT to hate him, I have read stories about how he got to where he is and I have to say, you can't help but respect him. They say knowledge is power and Boras really capitalized on that.

10/09/2007

Vote for the Tribe. They are currentlylosing in EVERY SINGLE CATEGORY. What a bunch of bullshit. America is dumb.

Lots to talk about today, and you're gonna listen to every word I have to say! The Indians did it. It's been 9 years since they have been to the ALCS. I'll be in Cleveland to watch the games this weekend and I am PUMPED. I feel good about Joe Torre getting fired. He needed to leave NY so it shows that he did have a lot to do with the Yankees winning and that Steinbrenner is an ASS. This Boston series will be interesting. Trot Nixon is on the Indians and Manny and Coco on the Sox. Adds some flair to the series. I was drinking these during the game:


I love House. It's friggin hilarious. Probably the best show on TV.

Saw some movies this weekend. The Condemned with Stone Cold Steve Austin was good. It's like Rambo. Sort of. But what is it with throwing Rape into movies for the shock factor nowadays? I could barely watch either of the Hills Have Eyes because of it. Do we have to do this shit?

Also saw The Brave One which is pretty good as well. Though, I did feel the ending was some bullshit. I saw a review that said it was a cop out and I tend to agree. If I thought that would ever happen in real life, cool, but I don't. I really don't. But it is a movie, so I guess that makes it OK. Go see it. It's good. And the best line of the year is in it "I want my dog back".

I also finally saw Superman Returns which I kinda liked. They also mentioned the city of Gotham in it. Which maybe could lead to a crossover movie? They put both cities in the same universe, so it could happen.

In a couple weeks a couple of new halloween movies are coming out. Saw IV, which should be interesting. They always are. And a new Vampire movie I have a lot of hope for, 30 Days of Night. I hope it doesn't....SUCK. AH HA HA HA. Shutty.

10/08/2007



Well, yesterday sucked for Cleveland Sports. The Indians and the Browns should have and could have won if not for bone headed plays and such. Ah well. Tonight the Indians go for win 3. I actually agree with going with Byrd. If it doesn't work you put C.C. in for game 5 with Carmona available as well. It's doable. Byrd had a good end of the year. He's a veteran who knows how to dig down. I think he's going to surprise some people.

Umm, this weekend we went to this cool bar called Botega, or something. I don't remember what it was called. But they had a huge beer list. The most depressing thing was that I haven't found my seasonal Great Lakes beers here in C-bus. No Nosferatu or Oktoberfest yet. It's depressing. I'm determined to find them though. It's tradition. Meanwhile Billy's probably downtown every damn day getting drunk on it off TAP. Stupid Billy.

10/05/2007

So I track all the IP addresses of you, my faithful readers. HA HA. It's neat because I get some really odd places. Like, I just found one from Amsterdam. And it's like COOL! Because I'd love to go to Amsterdam and now, maybe, I have some place to stay? I have no idea who any of my fans are, but I love you all. Like how a puppy loves to eat his own poo.

Possibly my new tat

Who's your fuckin Daddy? Kenny Lofton is your mother fuckin Daddy! Hellz yeah. I have never been so proud in my life. That was a hell of a showing by our boyz. Now they just need to stay focused. They just rattled the cage and those dirty, filthy, disease ridden Yankees will be pissed off. Thankfully we have ANOTHER 19 game winner to throw 95 MPH fastballs at them. And then Clemens is going down in game 3. The old man's got NOTHING. This is our year. Our house. Get off our damn lawn.

I am now officially rooting for Colorado in the NL to get to the World Series (and lose to the Indians) after reading this:
The widow of Colorado Rockies minor league coach Mike Coolbaugh, who died after getting hit by a line drive this season, will be granted a full share of the team's playoff winnings after a team vote. Rockies manager Clint Hurdle said the gesture spoke volumes about the quality of the character in their locker room. Coolbaugh, who is 32 and pregnant, won't attend Saturday's Game 3 of the NLDS between the Phillies and Rockies at Coors Field. But her two sons, Joseph, 5, and Jacob, 3, will be in attendance and will throw out the first pitch. "When I heard about what the players did, I almost cried," Rockies general manager Dan O'Dowd said. "This was the players' idea. I think it's remarkable." Mike Coolbaugh was a first base coach for the Tulsa Drillers. The former major leaguer was killed July 22.

10/04/2007

I am so pumped for the Tribe game tonight. I will be going to BW-3, enjoying some boneless wings for .35 a piece, and watching C.C. dominate those bitches fom NYC. I have a really good feeling. They've got the touch. They've got the power. YEAH!

Last night was a shit ton of Ghost Hunters and there was one on the Winchester house in San Fran which I went to. It was cool seeing it on TV and being like "yeah, I remember that." I don't think that place is haunted though. I am preparing to do some Ghost work at my house in a couple weekends though. I bought an EVP recorder! So if I get anythying cool I will post it on here.

10/02/2007

So Heroes is back on and I didn't even realize it. What the fuck is wrong with me. Well, I watched last night and caught up last weeks episode at nbc.com. Which is nice. The season is starting out well. I won't say GRAND, but it's good. I am REALLY digging the old people story line with this secret assasin and a secret vendetta. I love secret vendetta's. Especially when they're against me and I'm all like "I don't remember doing that." But Hiro's storyline blows. It's horrible and even predictable. The Petrelli stuff is good though. Claire's is meh and the crazy Mexicans is OK. So overall, there is some good stuff, some average stuff, and some dumb stuff. But I have a feeling it will all come together in the end.

I am really enjoying Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. You should listen to them as well. Cuz I said so.

Matchbox Twenty's new album comes out today. I've heard a few songs and they are good. I am sure everyone on the planet thinks I am a big flaming pile of poo for enjoying MB20, but I do and I don't care what you think. They've got style. And baby, they're so real.

10/01/2007

October 1st! YAY! Ohio is so beautiful in October. Wish it could be this month all year.

OK so Friday I went to this place called Largo's Tavern to see my buddies band play. This place was hilarious as it has a pirates theme. Here's some pics of the decore. It would be perfect for a halloween party or talk like a pirate day! Or Dave makes an ass out of himself day! Which is everyday, so... I guess I'm becoming a regular.



Then Jamie and I went to D.C. to visit my BFF Mike for his birfday. Numero 30. It was a good time and I had a blast beating everyone's ass at Beer Pong. Jamie and I have played a combined like 20 games of Beer Pong together and we've lost twice. Everyone voted for us to go head to head, mono y mono. So we did and I won. It came down to one single cup for each of us too. We're that damn good. On the way down we stopped at a SHEETZ so I could take a SHITZ and there, in front of me, was the following. Now why I would want my baby securely in front of me watching me do my business is beyond me. Maybe to get a high five when I'm done? Hiiiiiya Fiiiive.

09/28/2007

And now I did the same with music. This is fun!

So I e-mailed blockbuster and asked if they had any RSS feeds and it turns out they DO! How cool is that. So I integrated them into This handy dandy movies page. Also now available in the top menu. So now you always know what I've seen and what is coming along!

For those that don't know me, I love Halloween. Well, I'm not gonna be able to work on this site this weekend, and since Oct. 1st is Monday, here you go. I hope you enjoy the look for the next month. Or for awhile. Who knows when I will change it. If you want to know where that quote is from, You can go to hell.

Lebron James is a son of a bitch. Why you ask? Cuz he's a Yank-Me fan. He probably started liking them when they were doing so good in the mid-90's cuz he's a band wagon mother fucker. Grrrr

Watched Secret Window and Knocked Up last night. Good stuff. Here's the Queue for Jamie and I's blockbuster movies. Can you see a pattern here? That's right, the pattern is no porn. I mean. What?

09/27/2007

Why for the love of Boobies do grown men need to walk around the locker room at gyms naked? I just don't get it. I don't want to see your twig and berries. Your wanker & wankets. Your bat and balls. Your mushroom and funguys. Your Larry, Mo, Shemp and Curlies. Ugh. The male body is meant to be covered from the waist to the knees. It's how god wanted it.

This is the funniest commercial I have ever seen. EVER:


So I forgot to tell everyone (and I know you've been dieing to find out. Don't roll your eyes. Ass.) I finally got my squeezebox working AND it's working with Pandora and it's AWESOME. I really love this damn thing. I think it destroys XM/Sirius. Yeah, I don't get Stern or O&A, but I'm kinda over the talk radio thing. I don't really miss it.

09/26/2007

This is sad

I spent WAY too much money yesterday. I picked up the new Rascal Flatts album (awesome so far), 300 and Knocked Up on DVD, a new classic controller for the Wii (we needed it for Mario Kart 64!), and then groceries. Jamie and I then went to BW-3 for 25 cent wing night. It was a special for their 25th anniversary. And then I realized I like boneless wings 100 times more than regular ones. But oh well. Beer and wings is always fun. Here are some pics of Jamie with her new blonder hair. HAWT!

09/25/2007

So I started playing basketball now. It's fun. I'm officially a 3 sport player. Basketball is by far the most exhausting. Football is the most painful. Baseball is definitely the hardest to be good at though. I don't care what anyone says.

I've got a pennant fever. And the only prescription is more Indians. I am very excited about the Indians chances in the playoffs. 2 front line starters. C.C. has that gleam in his eye. I don't think he can lose. The hitters are HOT! Grady going 4-4 is a great sign. Sure, they are 2-11 against the Yank-Me's and Red Sox, but they were strugglin at the time they met those teams. We're back. The team I'm worried about is the Angels. They use speed to try and fool your defense and our team is so young, it could work. FOCUS!

That Browns game was crazy but I was WAAYYY to drunk to remember the end. If you ever meet an Australian named Ricko at a bar, run away. That sum' bitch can DRINK.

So I think I figured out my final tattoo. I want to get "Never Surrender" across my shoulder blades. I think that would look sweet.

09/20/2007

I totally support this. and not just because I love boobs. But because it just doesn't make any damn sense. Why can men walk around with their shirts off but women can't? I have boob, they have boobs. I have nipples, they have nipples. I like feeling up myself, and I hope they do too. I just don't get it. It kinda goes in line with my thoughts on why women support catholicism. A religion that deems women as less important. Where they cannot hold a position of power. And MILLIONS of women support it. Blindly. Blows my mind.

Man, even the greeks were a bunch of sexists:
In Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman, Zeus ordered her creation as a punishment for mankind.

I miss the good ole days:

09/19/2007

So, what's eveyrone thinking about this uh here uh OJ Simpson stuff? Yeah, I think he's a used tampon too.

Did you ever have that feeling you were just going to puke but that you didn't really know why and you certainly don't want to cuz you're at work and that would be weird, and well, you hate puking because it makes you feel like crap and you get all teary eyed and feel like raw sewage just came up from the depths of your stomach to burn your esophagus and make you feel like someone just cleaned your mouth and throat with a toilet brush covered in bleach that had just been used on a public rest room toilet, but not one of those nice, clean restroom toilets, more like a rest room at a seedy dive bar where it's one dollar for a pint glass full of Miller High Life that you can tell the keg hasn't been changed in a long time and that's it's just been sitting there getting cold, then warm, cold, then warm, cold then warm?

Yeah, me neither. I think I just need to burp.

09/18/2007

These people are dumb. They had a blessing right there. They were able to get past any barriers they had, were completely honest in anonymity, and as it turns out, made for each other. But noooo, they had to be little bitches. Fools.

Proof that older men SHOULD date younger women. See, I told you so. It's for the fate of our world.

This gives me a boner.

09/17/2007

So it's Monday. And this one sucks. I got stuck in traffic for like an extra 30 minutes. I just don't get it. They get the accident to the side of the road. Everythings cleaned up and there, right smack dab in the middle of two lanes is 2 police cars and a fire truck. Just sitting there. WTF. Get your asses out of the way. Do your paperwork somewhere else, eat your donuts whilst driving, talk about what you're doing somewhere else. I need to get to work.

Nice job by the Browns AND Indians this weekend. Next up for the Browns is the Raiders. We should feel pretty damn good about that. It will be like taking candy from a baby. Wait, we're playing Oakland. It will be like giving a 9mm to a gang banger. Wait. Crack to a crackwhore? No wait. It will be like hiring migrant workers to clean my house for Tree Fitty.

09/14/2007

So I saw Halloween this week. It was awesome. I would definitely recommend it. It was kind of a combination of Halloween and Friday the 13th part 3. Not a bad thing. Apparently Rob Zombie has said he won't make a sequel, which stinks a bit because I kinda miss the Friday the 13th brand of horror movies. They have some good cheap scares in them. I mean, what's stopping Michael Myers from being resurrected from the dead by placing a steel rod in his body and having him being struck by lightning? Nothing. TOTALLY plausible.

I'm trying to figure out what I want to be for halloween this year. Maybe I could go as Britney's Vagina. I could shave my entire body and draw a pink line down myself. HA HA. But seriously folks.

So yesterday was REAL shitty. I had to put my couch together (that you see below) because of the fact that it's a bed too. Well I put it together wrong. So I had to take the fucker apart last night and put it back together. Thank god I charged my drill/screwdriver while I was working. It went lickity split. Hmmm. Lickity split, I have a feeling that's supposed to mean something way beyond what we use it for in general context. ANYHOW, I also got my squeezebox and it came with a defective remote. So I couldn't use the damn thing. It's all set up. Ready to go. And I can't do shit. I'm like an 18 year old boy going to prom, with a hotel room, condoms in my pocket, and my weiner stops working. Stupid weiner.

This guy reviews halloween. And boy is he a little bitch. The end of the article, he jibber jabbers about some family, which is totally justifiable. But the begining of it he is crying about the gore and naked chicks and swearing. You need a punch in the face buddy. He says that a normal person wouldn't have a boner for a week. Riiiiight. If I didn't get a boner for a week I would shoot myself. With a gun. Not, ummm, that other thing. stupid weiner.

09/13/2007

I can has Pijon?

My squeezebox got in today! Can't wait to set it up and be able to stream Pandora and my entire MP3 collection to my living room. It will be great for sitting around and playing the wii and listening to music. I got the white to match my wii. I could be retarded, but this says differently.

OK, pictures. My TV looks so small. It's 42 friggin inches. Dammit. Oh well, it's fun watching TV and playing video games on. But seriously, after looking at that picture I want a bigger TV now. Does that mean I have a problem? And remember, that couch transforms into a bed. How cool is that.




This next one is from a bathroom at Adobe Gilas, downtown C-bus. They have weird shit like this painted everywhere. Damn hippies. Love that bar though.

09/12/2007

My Mother Fuckin couch finally gets here tomorrow. Sons a bitches. Who wants to come over and take a nap now? Too damn bad! Get off my lawn.

Don't Hate Me Cuz You Aint Me

09/11/2007

So, it's 9/11. And a Tuesday, just like it was 6 years ago. And you know, deep down, I can't help but think the terrorists got exactly what they wanted. We've sent off our soldiers, our husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, lovers, et al. to confront terrorism. And we have lost too many of them, in addition to those lives we lost not so long ago. Our country is in a depression, both financially and emotionally. We get scared when we hear of "oranges" and "reds". Our housing industry is teetering upon a precipe from which it certainly must fall. Our country's debt is growing like a fat man at an all you can eat buffet. And all of our heroes have fallen from the likes of steroids, drugs, alcohol, sex and plain old stupidity. I don't understand how going off to other countries and trying to save them helps our country? How does flying off into space solve the issues we currently face? It's like letting your house go to shit, but always going over to your neighbors to see what they are up to. To offer them help or to make sure they are folloiwng the rules or doing anything illegal or a whole bunch of other shit. Well lets work on our own damn house first and THEN try and change the world. A wise man once said If unhappy man tries to change world, he will remain unhappy. If happy man tries to change world, he will succeed. Do something for yourselves tonight. Invite along a friend. Be happy.

Oh, and that wise man you ask? Dave Bischof.

09/10/2007

Hmmm. Where do I start. The VMAs sucked donkey testicles last night. Britney Spears looked good for having 2 kids. And drunk. I mean, her act was simply horrific. I thought I was watching one of her shows in slo-mo. Maybe she needs some crack or something. I mean, that would explain a lot.

The Browns are horrible, sadly enough. But the Indians are insanely hot right now. Nice job this weekend boys! Keep the train rolling along. I drank a lot Friday night. It was a good time. There's bars down here in C-bus that have $1 shots. That's just dangerous. That's like selling crack to Britney Spears for pictures of her who nanner nanner. It's practically free.

09/07/2007



This makes me giddy and giggly

Happy Birthday Mom!

09/06/2007

So I was listening to a classic rock station on my way to work today and I heard that song "Take a look at my girlfriend", except it wasn't by the Lunchbox Heroes. It was the original and I didn't even know there WAS an original. It still sucked, but at least it didn't have that "La Da Da Da" part. That part sucks doggie balls.

So this could be the greatest website ever. It makes satellite radio obsolete. It makes every music medium obsolete. It's pure genius. And I hope it lasts a long, long time. I'd even pay for it probably. You can get it on sprint phones, which is awesome except for the fact I have Verizon. Every phone company has something I want. Why can't one of them be perfect. Sprint sucks for actually making calls. AT&T has the iPhone, the LG Prada and uses SIM cards, but their prices suck and not many of my friends have them. Verizon has an awesome network but no fancy phones really and their VCast OS is kinda lame. The new enV looks like it could be pretty sweet though and it will be out by the time I get to get a new phone. It has a touch screen on the front and a bigger screen on the inside AND it's skinnier.

09/05/2007

I am not impressed by the new iPod lineup. The Touch is the best of the bunch and it's WAY overpriced. 8GB for $300? That's ridiculous. The new Creative Zens are way better. And my Shuffle stills does the job, perfect for working out. If the Touch was $200, I would have been happy. But instead I'm not. And that's sad. Cuz I should be happy.

Whoopi Goldberg is a complete moron and should be shot. If Vick was 15, she would have an argument. If he had never set foot on a college campus, maybe a bit more. If he hadn't been making millions of dollars, something could be there. But Vick is a multi millionaire, who went to college, who is an adult. He should know right from wrong. I hope he gets sodomized in jail. With a spatula. And maybe a ladle. And by a horse.

The Tribe is on FIRE! YES! And Pronk is heating up, just like I said he needed to. But AC is the real spark plug. And Kenny really. It's amazing the impact Kenny Lofton has on a team. Have you seen that DHL commercial with him? NICED! I can't find it online but it's great!

09/04/2007

This made me chuckle

In case anyone was wondering, men like attractive women. Shocking.

Well, it's september. So I need tp update this column and stuff. I'll get to it. Eventually. This weekend was cool. Fairly relaxing, got to see some Bro's in the land of Cleve. Made my house nice and pretty so it'll HOPEFULLY sell soon. You know the drill. I did NOT wanna wake up this morning. I wanted my sleepy time. HOURS AND HOURS of it.

So this weekend we went to McNulties and saw 2 drunk asses fall on their FACES at the bar and one NEAR MISS. I felt bad for the one guy cuz he was like 80 years old and still thought it was 1977. Man, I do not wanna get old. I realize some people like to wear diapers, get spoon fed by nurses, and tied to beds, but I am not one of them. Most of the time.

08/31/2007

Wow. This is almost dead on. That's probably the best prediction I have ever seen in terms of accuracy.

Is it me or did Bernie Kosar sound semi-retarded last night commentating the Browns game? He sounded like Muhammad Ali with marbles in his mouth. The Browns AND the Tribe won last night. SHIBBY!

I don't know what the fuck the Sony Rolly is supposed to be, and now you don't either. It's kinda cute though:

08/30/2007

Well the Tribe has been lookin good. They still need to hit better, but 4 runs against Santana is awesome. Even if it was only 1 inning. I definitely think they make the playoffs. And with CC, Carmona, and Westbrook HOT, they could do quite well. Especially if Pronk starts heting up. Not pressure or anything but this season is on his shoulders.

I really wish I could go to the Tribe game today in Cleveland so I could boo the shit out of Ichiro. What an asshole. Here's a quote from that little bitch:
To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying.

I'd love to punch him in the face myself.

08/29/2007

So August is almost over. That's pretty nutso. As you can see I'm playing with the design a bit again. It's in preparation for....something. You'll see in about a month.

More coming soon. Stay tuned.

I don't know if this is a ringing endorsement to become a mom. It's kinda saying it's hell for 20 years and then eventually it's OK. Yeah. right. Sounds like fun. This quote, however, shows that this article was totally written by a mom:
"Once you realize you have no control, you're in total control," Saber says. "Then you can say, 'OK, I'll just go with the flow.'"

I mean, it makes no sense AND it rhymes.

08/28/2007

I saw the movie Perfect Stranger last night. It was damn good. Kept me guessing that's for sure. Plus it's got Halley Berry in it, which is always nice. And Bruce Willis, who is like the Brett Favre of acting. That sum' bitch is always good.

OH! I finally got Bioshock working propely and the game is TIGHT. Yes, I said tight. The atmosphere is just insane. The ambience gets set real well, the sounds are perfect, and the voice overs are incredible. AND you get these sweet "powers", like lighting shit on fire and telekinesis. I feel like an X-man when I play. Though, that might be a problem. I remember when I was a little kid and I had this thing called an imagination. I mean, I could play with myself for hours. Stop giggling. I would get out my G.I. Joe's and take over the ENTIRE basement. Sometimes Luke Skywalker would even join the universe and fuck shit up. But anyhow, I would make my dudes talk, fight, it was like a living movie inside my head. Do kids even do this nowadays? Do they have attention spans long enough to have fierce battles that would last MONTHS? I mean, Flint and Cobra Commander would fight for so long, I would forget where people were imprisoned. I shed a tear for today's youth just thinking about the fun I had. *tear* Oh the fun a young boy could have with himself. Stop it you Perv.

This is on the front page of cleveland.com:
About 65 people took part in a peaceful protest Sunday night on Public Square to challenge the city’s new curfew. During the campout, they witnessed one homeless man stab another homeless man.

Ummmm, that doesn't sound very PEACEFUL to me. Douche Bags. Cleveland writers are half retarded. And the other half is just dumb.

OK, one more thing. I just took this quiz on live science about sexual taboo and the following was one of them, with answer:
Proportionally and compared to other primates, human males have...
The answer is: Massive genitalia

08/27/2007

Dog is God spelled backwards. Michael Vick pleads guilty and says he found jesus. Coincidence? I think not!

Do you have a Frenemy? I think it's a chick thing. Actually, I'm pretty sure it is. Wait, my old roommate in college may fall under this term. He would always be a douche bag if my girlfriend was around. I think he was jealous. I also think he was gay, so that would explain a lot. He acted the same way with hiw next roommate too. And his entire fraternity. And he was a complete ass.

So it's Monday again. At least next Monday I won't have to work. Stupid Mondays. So I have some pictures for you today. Excited? Good. Here's one of the apartment complex before the big storm Friday. It's a beauty:

This next one speaks for itself. The guy in the upper right looks like a vampire and the girl in the lower left a zombie. So apparently pot turns you into a classic TV monster. Which explains a lot of what you see in NYC I suppose. And here I thought it just made you hungry.

08/24/2007

What's the point of these jail sentences people are getting? It's like telling celebrities to stand in the corner. Or to give them quiet time. Or a timeout. That doesn't work with kids and it won't work with these bitches. What WILL work is taking away their toys. No He-Man for YOU!

This week was kinda long so I'm glad it's Friday. Works picking up though so I finally gots shit to do. SWEETness. There's a big work shin-dig starting at 2 today. Free drinks. That's all about all I know and all that really matters. Going to Zanesville to see Jamie's Dad's band play this Saturday, so I'm pretty excited about that. I haven't seen him play yet, so it should be awesome! I may have a beverage or 12 there as well. So it looks like another weekend of drinking. And then the following weekend is opening weekend for OSU. I'm sure I'll be sober for that. Until 11:00 AM. Hope all you Dreddheads have a great weekend. Don't let your Meat loaf!

08/23/2007

Went to my new favorite bar last night again, Adobe Gilas. Yep. I like it there. Very laid back. Which reminds me. I'm wearing this shirt today:


Yes, it's from Hollister. My new favorite store. And not because of my discount. Though that helps. But I mean, it's a seagull. LOUNGING. I like to lounge. And so does he. And that's nice.

The Indians finally won a fucking big game. They better have clicked. Or popped. Or whatever the fuck happens when a team starts playing well. I need them to win. I need 1997 all over again. That was a fabulous year, and the tribe had a lot to do with that. Nothing better than baseball in October. The smell of stale leaves. Freshly oiled leather. Newly cut outfield grass. That pounding of your heart as they run out on the field, set to win the world series. And then, when the stars are aligned, and everything you dreamed of is about to happen, some fucker named Joe Table blows it. Ass.

08/22/2007

Looks like my site was down for a while. Hope you all made it through that OK. PHEW.

So I got BioShock last night. The second highest rated video game of all time. The biggest revolution to the medium since Mario 64. And it doesn't FUCKING work. No sound. I mean, I get some sound at the very begining, then the plane crashes, and nothing. Lots of people are having this problem. And lots of other ones. Bastards.

08/21/2007

Oh man, I saw SuperBAD last night. It's Fuckin hilarious. A nice, raunchy, Sexually Explicit coming of age movie. Brilliant. Seeing movies like that just wants me to get my ass in gear in writing my own movies finally. They're started, some of them. I just don't know how to go about getting them out there. And the whole process. But I should probably just write one and see what goes from there.

So I think I am going to have to build an ARK it's been raining so much here. But instead of animals it's just going to be me and a bunch of hot chicks, so, you know, I can save the world in case everyone else drowns. I mean, that's pretty humanitarian of me, I'm not going to lie. But I'm all about the people. You should know that by now.

08/20/2007

Man, I think I was drunk all weekend. It was a good time though. We started at the Elevator Friday for dinner. It was good. Their homebrews were not bad at all. Then we went to Bar Louie met like 30 people there. It was a big 'ol birthday bash. Then we went to Frog Bear and watched some live music which was really good. I think I had like 3 shots and like 14 beers. But that's over like 9 hours. So, that makes it OK. No. It does. Really. Stop worrying I'm not an alcoholic.

Then Saturday started out at B. Hamptons and then moved to Adobe Gilas, which I really liked. I might start hanging out there regularly. It's sweet and way cheaper then the Louie. I did Live Karaoke, which is damn near impossible to do. I butchered Paradise City. Sorry Axl. My bad.

08/17/2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMIE!

08/16/2007

Man, I fucking hate command line shit. GUI is so much better and faster. I miss Windows.

Well I guess I feel slightly better as I figured some stuff out today. You see, there are 2 version of tar that you can use. Tar and Gtar, and, well, I was using tar and I needed gtar. There is no way to tell that, but hey, whatever. Fuckers. Anyhow, I figured it out and I'm good but it was a huge PIA as tar LOOKED like it worked. But it sure as hell didn't. I had to find this little checksum error to figure it out.

Now you people that ask what I do all day know why I don't tell you. Because this is the kind of shit I do and 99% of you have no idea what the hell any of that means. So when my answer for how my day is is "good" or "it went well" or I answer "what do you do all day" with "computers", now you know why. So BACK OFF. I work with computers. Deal with it.

08/15/2007

OK so I feel compelled to talk about the suicide bombings that killed like 200 people. Screw Iraq. Evacuate our troops, evacuate people that we know are good, and nuke the damn country. And then abolish religion in the world. Seriously. Religious beliefs are the bane of humanity. They will be our downfall. Believe what you want, but let everyone else believe what they want too. You have no idea what God is or wants, you don't know what comes after death, and you never will. Deal with it and move on you scared little pawns.

Just in case you're blind, the site has been a bit re-designed. I think it looks pretty cool. Not sure if I like the color on the left yet or not. We'll see. But overall, I definitely like the look of things. It's all about style baby!

What the fuck is wrong with the Indians? Get your act in gear or you're OUT of here.

Two new video games for the Wii, Madden '08 and Mario Strikers. Haven't played Madden yet, but Mario is DA BOMB yo.

08/14/2007

Is it a new madlib? Why yes. Yes it is. More of a story though. Maybe I'll write more of it later.

Maybe this has some truth to it

Know what I hate? I love my wife bumper stickers. Listen, if you're married, that's gonna be assumed buddy. If you have to display that shit, I'm thinking it's a load of BS. It's like Chris Rock says about "I takes care of my kids". You're supposed to. Hey Retodd. HA HA. That's funny right there, for a multitude of reasons.

The plain white T's album reminds me a lot of Jimmy Eat World, which is not a bad thing. I like the "Hey there Delilah" song. Don't hate. Anybody that can write a song to a girl named Delilah is pretty friggin gifted. Me, I'm trying to piece together a song about Helga. Good old Helga. The wench down the street.

08/13/2007

So I had a nice relaxing weekend this weekend. Went out to the bars each night, but just took it easy. Went to the pool Saturday & Sunday, which was nice. I definitely enjoy the non-homeowner life. I don't have to fix something or mow the lawn or clean every damn weekend. I can actually enjoy life. It's made a huge difference for me. I spend enough time at work. I don't want MORE work when I get home. To me life is about enjoying it, and avoiding as many things as you can that hinder that.

I cannot wait to sell my house. It will be such a burden off my shoulders. It's like I'm a pirate with a big ole fat parrot sitting on my shoulder. OK, it's nothing like that, but somtimes I like to pretend I'm a pirate. ARGGHHHHH.

The Last Templar is a great read even though the reviews are mixed. It's exciting and fast paced and keeps me reading. Some books I just get real bored, but not this one. It's real interesting stuff. You know, if I ever had one wish, I think I'd wish for the ability to answer any question that was ever asked of me. That way I would know EVERYTHING. How cool would that be. I would know who Jesus really was. Why the dinosaurs died. Who killed JFK. And why, oh why, do men have nipples. And this weird rash on my....Oh. Wait. Nevermind. I know why I have THAT.

08/10/2007

BUY MY HOUSE. If you know of someone interested, we can cut a REAL sweet deal without any realtors involved. Come on people, HBO.

Man, I'm friggin tired. I need a nappy. I don't even know if I have enough energy to post anything. I'm not a machine you know.

08/09/2007

This is about one of the funniest things I have ever seen:


Oh Friday, where art though? Please come and rescue me. And bring some beer. Or wine. I've been into wine a lot lately. Partially because of my diet, but also because it's fun. There are so many out there and everywhere you go, there are different ones. PLUS it's almost healthy for you. I have found this one vineyard I find especially brilliant, Brancott, in New Zealand. Really it's called Montana but they brand it Brancott in the U.S. so we don't get confused. As if somebody in the U.S. Montana could make wine. Come on now.

Now, I have BEEN to NZ, But only to the North Island. This vineyard is on the South Island. Boo. BUT NZ is an incredible wine country. Both islands have a shit ton of vineyards. Good ones too. It's paradise in a bottle. A bottle half full of alcohol. You can read about it all here.

I thought this was funny. I hope you do to.

08/08/2007

I have an issue with these so called "skinny jeans". That issue? Guys wear them. Nobody wants to see that. I barely like these on women. I mean, you have to have a pretty nice lower half to get away with it. And when I see them on guys, I want to kick them in their skinny necks. I mean, there cannot possibly be any room in there for cock and balls. So maybe they aren't men after all????

So Metallica was announced for Guitar Hero 3, "One" specifically. Thank God. October can't come soon enough so I can play some guitar with my Wii. What can I say, I'm talented.


Congratulations Barry Bonds! And yes, I do mean that. Sure, the guy probably did something for a bit, but with the detrimental affects steroids can have over the long term, and the fact he has been doing this for so long, I highly doubt he was doing anything for more than a year or two. And anyone that has ever tried to hit a 95 MPH fastball with curveballs and sliders and changeups thrown in knows that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing in all of sports. He may have had more power, but that would not change his swing, his timing, his knowledge. Barry Bonds is one of the best hitters, if not the best, in history. Deal with it.

So....... what else? Ummm my diet is sucking. For some reason I am not losing any more weight. It might be because of the weight room as I have been stepping it up a notch. Not sure. Or it could be beause I am stuffing my fat mouth with lots of food every day. Nah, that's probably not it.

08/07/2007

Go Tribe! If they can just start hitting, they can do this. Hopefully Pronk's HR last night gets him going. I was at the bar watching the game, good times. Didn't get drunkers though. Booo. I did get a good workout in though. But it was fucking PACKED! What the hell. Don't they know it's MY weight room? Bastards. And what's up with gtting old? I hit 29 and my bench dropped like a hooker given $20.

OK, so now I'm going to talk about sex a little bit here. So if you don't want to hear my thoughts on it, go read Oprah.com or something. But ladis, you really should read this.

Anyhow, had a conversation the other day with someone who will remain nameless. Well, this person, and their friends said they don't think women should initiate sex. Men should do it. My reply to that was how would the guy know that his girl finds him attractive? Apparently they think that by the girl agreeing to sex, it shows that. Then I asked why do they make lingerie? I guess I missed the boat on this one as well. Because apparently it's to make the woman feel sexy and has nothing to do with sex. Which is fine, but can't it be both? I guess my point to the ladies out there is, unless you give in to your dude's advances the vast majority of the time (which we all know won't happen I'm, i mean we, are horn dogs) you need to take an active interest in sex. You need to show that you want us. Otherwise, we are going to start getting interested in the women who DO show us that they want us. Be a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. And yes, even if you have kids. They'll get over it.

08/06/2007

For everyone NOT living in Ohio, be happy. When you go outside it's like entering a YMCA indoor pool. Without the butt and foot smell. Kind of.

Look me up on LinkedIn

So I drank a lot this weekend. Some good times for sure. Except for the puking incident. Not mine, just a certain person who will remain nameless, puking on my apartment floor. The smell is gone thank god. But for a while there, I thought I would have to fill my nostrils with cement. YUCK.

I saw "I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry" this weekend as well. I give it 4 stars. You know, out of 5. It was good. Similair to most Adam Sandler movis, mainly Big Daddy. But with some Grandma's Boy mixed in, thus making it better. The cast is chocked full of people you'll recognize from the Sandler universe PLUS some guys from King of Queens. Add in a gay Ving Rhames, and well it's pretty damn gigglicious. I'm tired of the retards in movie audiences though. Go stab yourselves in the throats you disorderly bastards. And stop bringing naked crying babies you white trash douche bags.

08/03/2007

So, you're looking at someone that now ways 198 pounds. 12 pounds in 11 days! Yo Yo MA!

So have you ever wondered how men can never say "that's a womans job" anymore? It just can't happen right? But anytime a woman doesn't want to do something "it's a man's job". I mean, come on. That's lame. Though, I can always say a woman's job is to have babies and I can't be argued with. I mean, every other statement like that you can argue. But not that one. I bet that pisses my female audience off. You girls have a job. HA HA.

You know this Minneapolis bridge collapse is really quite strange. Some PHD said there was a one in a billion chance of it happening the way it did. Considering it happened at almost 6 PM on the nose, during rush hour. I don't know. I am a bit skeptical of this being totally random. I'm not one of those drones who thinks any bridge I could drive over is going to fall. But, would I be surprised if this was a created disaster? No. Only time will tell. Only time and sexiness. Thank goodness sexy's back, or we'd be in trouble.

08/02/2007



I'm fuckin tired. That's all I got today. Sorry.

08/01/2007

So...08-01=07. Ominous? Nah. Not really.

Bought some new stuff for the apartment yesterday. New lamp. New art deco. New bar stools. Startin to come together Ricky! Startin to come together. I just ordered this as well:


I lost another two pounds, which means I'm pretty much on track for losing a pound a day, which is a great feeling. I would have lost more if not for a bit of a lip up with the alcohol. As we all know, drinking is a necessity and finding the right one is sometimes not so easy. Riesling is OK as long as it's DRY. I don't like dry, I like sweet. Sweet is not OK. Many websites out their say Rielsing is OK but do not tell you WHICH one. So that kinda fcuked me up.

07/31/2007

It's the last day of July. This year has really flown by. Can't wait for my year in review at the end of this year. This has been, by far, the craziest year in my life. I should have done a mid-year review. DAMMIT. Oh well, you'll have to wait until December. From the first minute of this year it's been insane, actually. Literally. But hey, at least it's been interesting.

I would sell my SOUL for a donut right about now. Stupid diet. Max and Erma's has this thing they call a cheesecake donut. I mean seriously, it's like the devil made my perfect desert right when I can't have any. Stupid Devil. Why's he gotta be so evil anyhow.

FUNNY:

07/30/2007

Introducing MadLibs!

This is brilliant. Check it out. It profiles all the myspace pages of people that have died. It gives you details on what happened and then a link to their profile. Sad, but a great way to alays remember those you have lost.

So I FINALLY saw Transformers this weekend and let me tell you, I loved it. If you have not seen this movie go see it. It was fantastic. I liked the subtle nostalgia they put in there. With the "more than meets the eye line". One thing I was pissed at was BumbleBee. Now, I love the new Camaro. It's awesome and I may get one after my Equinox. But come on. BumbleBee is a fucking Beetle. A VW Beetle. Just because Chevy sponsored this movie doesn't mean they should fuck up the characters. Corporate bastards.

So Friday night I had to sit in traffic for 40 minutes waiting for them to clear an accident. Here's a pic I took. Click for bigger. It was really annoying but I have never been that close to a clean up before. They closed THE ENTIRE freeway down if you can't tell. 4 lanes for 20 minutes. Traffic was backed up for forever. Screw that, just get a demolition truck to push the destroyed cars to the side of the road. And why was it 2 mini-vans involved? Soccer Moms UNITE!

07/27/2007

It's Friday! YAY! I get to sleep in tomorrow! Double YAY! I lost five pounds this week! Triple YAY! I'm going drinking tonight! Quadruple YAY! I got a Nintendo DS! Quintuple YAY! I am annoying the hell out of you! Sextuple YAY! OK, so I don't know what comes after sextuple. Bight me.

I bought an iRobot Roomba vaccuum. Why? Because I like gadgets. NAY. I love gadgets. Just for the sake to say I have gadgets doth I buyest gadgets. Plus it's the perfect thing for an apartment. Set it and go. I really do have better things to do than to vaccuum. Such as video games. And drinking. Or both. It's a fun little toy. I need to read the directions on how to schedule it, but it's well worth it for an apartment. for a house, you'll need one for every floor. My Roomba needs a name now. Think Think Think.

Man this just pisses me off. NASA is the biggest waste of money in history. What has it ever actually done for us? We went to the moon, Mars, took a bunch of pictures, know some stuff about the solar system and for what? NOTHING. If we had taken that money and applied to bettering our country, the progress we could have made would have been monumental. Instead, we have some great photos. Brilliant.

07/26/2007

So I was thinking. Nintendo has this touchscreen DS. They have always said they will release a new Gameboy. And their Wii is modeled afterApple design principles. Apple just released the iPhone. Nintendo is supposedly going to let them put NES games on it. Combine the two and you get wireless multiplayer on the go. It's a truly all in one device. Instead of buying physical games, you download them. Pretty cool, huh? SO, with that, Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the iBoy (click for bigger version):



Cat in the Hurse. A cat that can predict your death is going to occur! Nice! Of course, you have to be terminally ill, and you only get four hours notice, but it's better than nothing. Good Kitty! Just stay away from my cheesy poofs.

So I watched this show last night, Ghost Adventures. Some of the best evidence I have ever seen. It was pretty amazing. I also like how they take it to be "debunked". HIGHLY recommended if you can catch it again on Sci Fi channel. Sounds like these guys signed a one year deal, so here's hoping they do some more stuff. And don't run like pansies next time. Come on fellas, it was just a randomly flying brick.

I forgot to mention I went to Nordstroms on Saturday. They are having their anniversary sale until August 6th, I just happened upon it. Got a couple Obey shirts, a new pair of kick ass Sevens, and a new "rocker" belt. For about the price that the jeans would have normally cost. So if you wanna be like Dave, and I know you do, go to nordstroms.

07/25/2007

This is hard work? Are you kidding me? What are you doing exactly, feeding the dogs grass and then watching them puke? And then fondling their privates? I mean come on. YOU SO STUUUPPPIIIDDDDD.

I'm really tired of not having plans. I need more friends in Columbus. Do YOU want to be my friend? Are you in the columbus area? Do you have large breasts? If you answered yes to at least 3 of these questions, shoot me an e-mail! There's a kickball league I may join. Nothing I like better than kicking balls around. Big red balls.

So my diet's going really well. 4 pounds in 2 days. I'm back to 205 thank GOD. Can't wait o see what 190 looks like. I haven't weighed that much since I was in High School.

07/24/2007



Lindsay Lohan is a big DUMMY! What a waste of a good looking girl. Hopefully some jail time will bitch slap her good. Maybe she'll put on some weight too. She was real good looking in Mean Girls.


Not much else going on. Drew Carey got the host job for Price is Right. But who gives a shit. I don't plan on being sick any time soon, which is the only time I watched that show. It's gonna bomb anyhow. Drew Carey looks old, that combined with his fatness and ugliness just isn't going to help. I mean, look at him. I kinda wanna poke my eyes out from this picture alone:

07/23/2007

GREAT NEWS! I always enjoy reading about worthless human beings who get what they deserve.

YOU CHAT NOW!!!
Man, traffic sucked this morning. 2 lanes of 270 got closed for an accident. Took an extra 20 minutes to get to work. Bastards.

So I had to go back to Cleveland this weekend to work on my house. I didn't get to see everyone I WANTED to see, which sucks and I apologize. But I did get to see Mike, Lauren and Jeff, which was cool. I had no idea Mikey and Lauren were even in town. Though they had no idea I was in town either, so I guess we're even. Either way, I got reals drunkers Saturday night, regardless.

Sunday I spent working on the house. It officially goes up this week. I completed the basement and it looks awesome. Pic below. It's a bit sad, as this is it. My house will be gone soon. Almost 7 years with the big guy. I bought him in 2001, when I was just a wide eyed 22 year old. It's a great house, and I'm glad I was able to complete him. So much work was done. Finished the basement, painted, built a work bench, painted, new windows, kitchen remodel, painted, new carpeting, fenced the yard, fixed the garage with new doors, painted, re-did all the lighting, floored the attic and I think there was some painting in there too. It's kinda like losing a pet. *sniff*

07/20/2007

FRIDAY! Thank goodness. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend with a little debauchery. Because what's better than debauchery? Nothing. The answer is nothing.

So I got my haircut a little different yesterday. I went in and asked the girl if she could make it "messy and spikey". When she was done, she all proud of herself cuz she's like "Yeah, I think that looks good. I think that looks good." I'll try and get a picture up soon. TTFN!

07/19/2007

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the first Deathly Hallows Review. It's not a very good review mind you. The only spoiler is that lots of people die. That's it. Actually, it's one of the worst reviews ever. But whatever.



Look at that. 3 days in a row. Who's your daddy?

So I decided last night I am going to go back on Atkins for a little bit. 2 weeks to be exact. It's now or never to reach my lifetime goal of being 190 pounds. Of pure Sexy. It will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine.

So this new job, I am learning a ton of shit. It's like I have never used a computer before. I have to learn Solaris, and Tomcat, and a bunch of Java stuff, and the whole open source crap. It's pretty cool. My resume will be mammoth after I'm done here, but that will just secure my entry into the CIO role I so richly desire. And then, take over the world. And then, take a nap.

Anyone read about this Michael Vick crap? What a douche bag. You can take the thug out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the thug. He should be fired from the NFL, thrown in jail, and punched in the balls.

Oh and one last note. I love the Victoria Beckham coming to America show. And not JUST because she's hot. She's funny as hell too. But the hotness helps.

MOM will you take us to go kill johnny? sure baby. Sometimes I think Darwin was wrong, because people like this shouldn't still be in the gene pool.

07/18/2007

So It's HUMP day! YAY! I could use some good humpin. I watched some America's Got Talent last night. It's a decent show but i don't get the Indian dude. I mean, it's unique and pretty cool they are introducing Indian dancing to the masses, but come on. This guy's the best at it? I don't think so. I gotta think there are some other Indians in America that could do it MUCH better. And NOT have a unibrow. You need some manscaping bro.

That reminds me. I once got yelled at by this Peruvian chick in a bar because she was ranting about how people from the U.S. call themselves Americans and how it's offensive to people from both North AND South America because technically we're all Americans. But I really didn't give a shit because who the fuck cares? Shutty!

This is something I would say. I always classify things as "Mom" because it cracks me up. Like the Mom work out. Where you lay on the floor and do leg kicks and raises and crap. HA HA. And the mom night out, where you're home by 9.

07/17/2007

Well, for those of you that don't know I moved to Columbus. It's pretty damn awesome down here. I've been having a lot of fun. I work for a major retail company who's name will remain a secret. But there are only 2 in C-bus, so you at least have an idea. I apologize for the lack of upates for the last 4 months. Things have been quite hectic in my life, as I am sure you can tell. The house is almost ready to be sold, so if you are wanting to buy a house in Cleveland, Let me know. It's in REAL good shape and ready to move in. I finished up the basement (well my sister did, Thanks Kim!) to help move things along.

I saw Harry Potter this weekend. It was damn good. It really made me want to see the next one BAD. They better start making these damn things quicker. Lazy asses. "Oh no, we make millions of dollars. Better take it easy on ourselves."

As a bonus to coming back, I updated the site a bit and made a new old blogs page. So enjoy that. Right now. GO! I'll beat you senseless. Also, I have made Chat officially public. Don't make me shut it down kids. Don't make me.

So here's some apartment pics. I love the apartment. Only condos and apartments for me from now on. Owning a house is like signing your soul to the devil. Except you can ruin your credit score as well.

03/22/2007

You know what I hate. Construction. These mother fuckers think they can block traffic and do whatever the hell they want to get their jobs done, including holding me up to get to my job. Like their shit is more important. And the city of Cleveland gives them this right. It's the same thing with Cops. "I'm gonna pull this guy over at 8:00 AM monday morning on a street with a ton of traffic for speeding." Fuck you piggy. Unless that dude is speeding while hanging out his window smoking a joint and drinking a 40, get the F out of my way.

03/21/2007

I hate shit like this. 4 years? 18 people? And it has no practical uses. Right. You could have had 18 people sitting around jerking off for 4 years and we'd have something with a lot more substance. All puns intended. I just don't get it. I'm going to go play with my care bears now.

EGADS! Can't they get hot miss USA chicks? Some of those girls look like their faces are melting off. Yucky. And then you have the weight lifting chicks. Also not hot. And then you have an Asian Miss Kentucky. Huh? Did I miss something?

So American Idol sucks ass this year. I mean a lot. Did we finally find all the good singers in the country? Do I need to try out? I mean, a lot of people idolize me, so it kinda makes sense.

03/20/2007

I got mentioned at billymeade.com. YAY! In case you didn't notice, it was the reference of "my team lead". What the fuck. Like Billy hasn't known me for 10 fuckin years. You can throw my name on your blog every once in a while jerk off! I hate you now. You can't have the Beatoff.

So I got my Computer up and running last night, 64-bits and all! It's fast as shit too. All drivers are loaded. Everything is looking real good. Next up 1 GB of RAM and a graphics card. I'll probably wait a bit to do that, but still. It's on the list. I like Vista a lot. It's pretty neat. I have like 3 copies of it too, which is SWEET. Once I get the Dual monitors it will be really fun to play with!

03/15/2007

Are you kidding me? The CEO of the company I used to work for made over 7 million last year. This article states he owns over 3 million shares of NCC stock. Umm. WHAT? At like $26 a share, that's a kajillion dollars. Ridiculous.

WAZZZZUPPPP. Biotches. So, uh, yeah. It was 60 yesterday. 25 today. That's some fucked up shit. I personally cannot wait for global warming. New beach front property. Warmer climate. More sharks to eat stupid people. I mean, it's a win for everyone.

Thank god I don't have kids Because this would be me. So let me get this straight. You CAN'T have a couple drinks at hooters with your kids in tow? I mean, what's the point of living. Really.

So I bought a new computer. I'm getting a Dell. Dude. Fag. It's not here yet but I'm excited because I get to play with Vista. I got a free copy of Vista Ultimate from being on the Beta that I never installed, both 32 and 64 bit. I got an AMD dual core processor that can run the 64-bit so I think I will give it a try. I'm gonna need a video card ASAP. It's gonna need dual DVI ports too cuz I'ma gonna have 2 19" LCD flat panels to set up. Yeah, I'm a nerd. What of it?

03/14/2007

Yeah Yeah Yeah. I suck. I know. I let you down. YOU my faithful fans. YOU my eternal sunshines. YOU the stinging sensation in my urine. But I am going to try and be back. With a VENGEANCE. Like Ghost Rider. Except without a sucky movie. More like Punisher. Not the Dolf Lundgren Punisher. The new one.

02/07/2007
They found this burial with two people buried together about 5500 years ago. Caveman/woman love. I love that porno. Seriously though, this is how I want to die, cuddling.


A high of 18! YAY!?!? Seriously, people are excited about it being 18. That is just F-ed.

So Charlize Theron did some interview about how Cuba and the US of A are similar in their freedoms. In other news, Charlize Theron is mentally retarded. You'd have to be to think something like that. Now, I know the USA isn't perfect, but it sure beats the hell out of other countries. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. I love it when people like retire and go live in other countries or go study abroad. They come back thinking the USA is just so horrible. OK, you stick up your ass bastards, you just got back from RELAXING. You weren't working 50 hour weeks or busting your ass to make ends meet. You were on a vacation like existence. OF COURSE it's going to seem better. It's like going to Disney World for 6 months and chilling at Epcot. You're not gonna wanna leave THERE either. PLUS you get the added benefit of doing some cosplay with the dressed up characters! YAY!

02/05/2007
OK it's mother fucking cold here. Like bone chilling cold. Like I think my nipples are going to fall off because it's so damn cold. Cold. And of course the hallways here aren't heated so going to the cafeteria I froze my ass off. FUN!

02/01/2007
Who wants to see this? Listen Harry. Nobody gives a shit WHAT you do after Harry Potter. Just be Harry Potter and then fucking retire. I don't want to see your 11 year old looking body at all, let alone completely naked. Ugh.

Can you believe we are already a MONTH into 2007? Shit don't make sense B!

01/31/2007
Yay! Welcome gays to Cleveland everyone! Hi gays! Are we gonna paint teh free stamp in rainbow? I think we should! Kinda sad you HAVE to od stuff like this to make people feel safe. Someday, people can go wherever the hell they feel like!

So yesterday I started a new job at Key bank. It went well overall. VERY strange though. I miss my NCC peeps! What up homies!

Today I took the rapid in to work. It was cool! Kind of like being at a real job or something. I felt so sophisticated. And sexy. It's freezing fuckin cold though dammit. I think I need some ear covers or something or they might fall off!

01/29/2007
Holy crap! Are you a slacker mom? That shits Fucked up.

I could have a lot of fun at a place like this.

Mother FCUK! It's freezing and there is sooooo much snow! It sucks! My Equinox is handling the white stuff from hell pretty good though.

Today Carrie made me Banana Bread! It's absolutely delicious! Thanks Minardo, you ROCK!!!!

Ummm, yeah, so I gots pretty drunk Friday. Thanks to everyone who came to HArpo's to hang out with me! Lets see, I did shots of Jager, Crown, Tequila, Liquid Cocaine, Jolly Rancher, and Washington Apple. That's 6 different kinds. PLUS there were multiples of some of those. Damn. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I drank all those OR that I drank all of those PLUS beer and wasn't that drunk.

01/26/2007
That is one big snake! It's like Peter North on....Damn I already used that joke. Ummm. Yeah. I got nothing.

So we didn't get any snow. HELLZ YEAH! Holla At ME. I am in a great mood today. And I know why. And I'm about to lose control and I just can't hide it!

01/25/2007
FUCK FUCK FUCK. 18 inches? Damn, I feel like I am going to be raped by Peter North on Viagra:

A lake-effect snow warning remains until 4 p.m. Friday, AccuWeather reports. Heavy snow will likely taper off at or shortly after rush hour this morning, but squalls will resume by late morning and continue through Friday, with up to 8 inches of accumulation. Thunder and lightning may accompany some of the squalls, along with gusting winds. Some communities may get more than 18 inches of new snow by Friday afternoon. Temperatures will drop through the teens tonight.

01/24/2007
OK this is bullshit. I realize Dakota Fanning is 12, but I think that is old enough for her to decide if she is comfortable with a certain scene. Especially something as potentially important as this one. I realize society likes to pretend that this shit doesn't happen, and that we are all "outraged" when it does (which is what, every second of every hour or something?), but something like this may be able to actually make a difference. You fucking bible thumpers can go kiss my ass.

Wanna waste part of your life away? Like Karaoke? Then do I have a site for you! This site is the bomb! Karaoke whenever the hell you want and then post it for MILLIONS of people to laugh at you. Not just hundreds like at the local bar! I can't wait to get ridiculed!

Heroes was AWESOME from Monday. I watched it yesterday. The BOMB! Love that show. It's like a real life made up fake X-men clone. Or something.

01/23/2007
Continuing on the rabbit theme that seems to permeate my blog, Please look upon your future $80 sweater:

Furry ass rabbits removed due to NCC violation. Stupid Policies.

I went to the Cavs game last night. What a train wreck. The seats were awesome though. I could have spit in Lebron's mouth like that chick on the Flava Flav show, we were THAT close. I wouldn't do that though. Twice. Stupid restraining orders. I had some beers before hand with Eamon at the Hairy Buffalo. What a great name for a bar. When I open a bar I am going to call it the Furry Beaver. And our slogan will be "Come On In!"

Vote for Me. Vote for Dave-O.

01/22/2007
I just found out at cnn.com that "Giant rabbits could be used to fight hunger in North Korea." Wow. That sounds like a horror movie just waiting to happen. But a 20 pound bunny? How cool is that. I would hug it and love it and I would name it George.

01/21/2007
OK, I found a kick ass Travel Site. If you need a hotel AND flight, about 2 weeks in advance, this site is incredible! SUCH good prices. You get the hotel for like $10 a night! What a STEAL!

This site is also good for for just flights. But if you need a hotel, the above is by far the best!

01/19/2007
This is Sandhya who is going back to India. Goodbye Sandhya! I don't know who that handsome devil in the mask is, but DAMN would I like to know.

01/16/2007
Look at that thing. It's an R2-D2 projector. For the nerd that has everything. It's not even that GOOD of a projector. But the cool factor is through the roof. And by cool factor I mean, I sit in my room playing video games and jerking off to Princess Leia factor.

So this weekend was cool. I had Grape Fun Dip shots on Friday. Yummy. Eamon's birthday was Saturday so we hung out and I got to see "Gizzo" from my fraternity who I haven't seen in forever. It was a good time!

01/15/2007
Ok this is friggin hilarious. I laughed a lot. The second Grossman quote is hilarious.

Happy MLK day!

01/09/2007
Was that a football game last night? I don't think you can call it that. What a disappointment. It's OK they lost. It happens. But they got BEAT DOWN! And that is not fun. I was hoping for another Michigan game. We got one half of that at least. The Gators were just incredible. Bastards.

I am not used to putting 2007 on everything yet. Hopefully it clicks in soon! I was thinking about different things I want to accomplish this year. I think a big thing is trying to finish one of these movies I want to write. Actually write the whole thing. I want to try and get cut a bit more. Oh and I want to start waxing my back hair.

I want One NOW! This could be the coolest thing ever. A bit expensive, but maybe Cingular will offer some rebates or something! It's about time for a new cell phone for me!

01/08/2007
Yes I know, you missed me. And I totally ignored you. YOU, my faithful reader. What was I thinking? Deep down I hate myself. A little bit. Or not at all.

So I have been busy. Little bit of this and a little bit of that. The good news is that my creativity has been flowing. I have a couple ideas I am working on right now for some movies. AND I actually started writing one instead of letting it live in my head. It's on PAPER! So if any of you out there have contacts or anything, let me know. We'll make HUNDREDS!!!!

12/25/2006
So, It's christmas. It's been a different one for me. Not bad, not good, just different. I'd like to wish everyone a Merry ChristChanuQuanzmas. OR something. Either way, I hope everyone had a wonderful day today. In the end, each of us has to find within ourselves what makes us happy. Whether that be given to us by religion, politics, voices in our head, or just our own passions for life. Whatever that is, believe in it, love it, and give it everything you got. As long as you try your hardest, you must be doing something right. Life is what you make of it, so you better make it yours. THUMBS UP!!!

12/11/2006
This is an interesting article. For a couple reasons. The first being that two out of every three people living in Afirca has the HIV virus. I read that and my jaw dropped. That is some scary shit. I mean, DAMN.

So this weekend was the first in I SWEAR 10 years that I didn't have a single beer. And it was an awesome weekend. One of my favorites since like a month ago. Bomb diggity YO.

12/05/2006
What the hell? Man Bags? Doesn't that usually mean a dude's balls? Seriously, why do we keep trying to feminize men? Is feminize even a word? It is now! Anyhow. Dudes. Keep your man bags in your pants and not around your shoulder.

I got the new Chris Daughtry CD Monday. Not too shabby. Cross LIVE with Nickleback, and voila! Plus Slash plays guitar on a song. Which is always cool. I recommend you check it out! Seriously, I'm not gay. The guy is a good singer. SHUT IT.

12/04/2006
Guess what BITCHES?!?!?! I gots me a Wii! Heck yeah! It's pretty sweet. Takes some getting used to, but fun so far! I kicked www.billymeade.com's ASS last night at bowling. And Zelda is very cool. Again, it's an adjustment, but I think it will be a good one. Now I need to get some extra controllers, but I can only get ones at Best Buy because of all the gift cards I have. And guess what. OUT OF STOCK. I am tired of hearing those words. Stupid companies.

It snowed this morning. And all of Cleveland forgot how to drive. What the fuck? Retards. One inch of SNOW! OMG WTF! LOL! Suck it Cleveland drivers!

12/01/2006
Christmas music? Are you fucking kidding me? It's everywhere and it is just NOW December. This shit is getting ridiculous and you know the Catholic Church is just getting all cocky and thinking they are the shit. Because the Pope is one Cocky mother fucker. Always thinking everything he says is the devine truth. I think he is a devine nut case personally.

11/28/2006
Hi Mom!

So I had my high school reunion on Saturday. It was interesting. Mainly because I spent the whole time talking to my friend Annie who wasn't even in my class. Overall I had fun though. And I learned that some of them read this. Which means I would feel bad if I started talking shit about them. Not that bad though, so wait for it. It's coming.....

NOW! So a lot of people got fat. Which was nice to see. HA HA! And the people I thought were worthless in high school were even more so. But a lot of the people I liked in high school were still good people. So it's nice to see people never change. Wait. That sucks sometimes. Aw SNAP! A conundrum. Either way it made me feel better about myself. And I didn't even think that was possible. SCORE!

11/27/2006
HEY! If anyone has a Wii out there that they want to sell me at cost,or a bit above it, please do so! I have been unable to wait in line for 3 hours to buy one. I may be a nerd, but I have a life too you know! Unless I could get crocked while waiting for a Wii. That might be fun.

I got a picture from Halloween!


There are some other new pics in the plog as well. Including these of my left leg. This is after a full tackle, no pads football game.

11/17/2006
You know what I hate? People having a conversation in the bathroom. It doesn't even have to be with me, but if it is I loath that even more. It's a bathroom. Why the fuck would I want to have a little chit chat while I am secreting bodily fluids? Mind if I give you a call next time I am jerking off? We could discuss politics. And me. Jerking off. I just want to go up to someone at a urinal at some point. Look over and just be like "What's up big guy?" That's it. Then flush and walk away. And he'll be like "What did he mean by that? Did he see my wang? Was that one of those opposite names?" He would be thinking about that shit ALL damn day.

You know what I love? Zelda. And the newest one comes out on the Wii this Sunday. And I needs it. We wants the precious.

I also love far away places and distant lands with beautiful things. Oh and Lambic. I love that stuff.

11/06/2006
Go Porcupine go! It's pretty cool to watch a Porcupine beat up a bunch of lions.

So I got pretty drunkers Saturday night. It was cool cuz it was just like college. There were a TON of us out for once. Me, Mitchell, The Strak, Billy, Aemon and good old Phil (where the hell did he go?) were all getting our drink on. I kicked some ass at Gnome bowling at Malloy's in Coventry.

11/02/2006
2 things I learned here. First one being is that there are some sick fucks in this world who eat horses. That's just nasty. With their big ass teeth. B. that horses are some superior beings, according to that crazy ass cracker hippie Willie Nelson. Of course, he was probably high at the time, so that's OK.

11/01/2006
Someday, I will have an ARMY of Welsh Corgi's. Why? Because they are the most adoreable creatures on the face of this earth.

10/30/2006
It's out! YAY! And yet, not so good this year. Did I miss the easter egg? I must have, cuz I didn't see anything to click on at all until the end, which is normal. Oh well.

And has anyone heard of this Trick Or Trunking crap going on? Apparently scared little bitches are organizing people to go to parking lots with decorated boots, I mean trunks, and their kids and get candy. And prizes for best trunk. This is Teh Gay.

This is retarded. How many of these people are going to just think of some way to keep the money? And how much help could that money have done if they had combined it into one big gift? How much would $1,000 really help? Not much. Think of what you can do with that nowadays. Hardly anything. They should pool their money and do something big with it. Or give like 10 gifts of $30,000. It's especially funny given that's about what Oprah makes in a day. I'd give my gift card to Oprah and tell her to shove it up her ass. HA!

10/26/2006
I swear to God, the United Nations is Worthless. What the hell do they ever accomplish? They can't even save a bunch of slow, fat, hippos. Most pointless organization in the world.

10/24/2006
What the hell? Can someone tell me the point of this? I don't get it. What a damn waste of time. Morons.

So I am going to be Satan for Halloween. But I am also thinking about spinning that into a YouTube video. Think Satan + A Match.com video. Cuz Satan needs boobies too dammit!!!

10/23/2006
It's been a while, so I give you this give. Relax, watch, listen. Goodnight!

10/11/2006
Holy Crack Whore batman! Hopefully there is a diet version. Cuz that would matter. Right.

In other news, I enjoy saying "In Other News".

10/10/2006
You've got a gay! HA!

I just downloaded a couple of these today. So I can't give you the FULL review. But it's friggin SWEET so far. I can recommend This is how we bite the dust right NOW. Q-Unit is in da house baby. Maybe I can listen to a few more of these delicious tunes throughout the day. I eat them like Divinity cookies. They crumble in my mouth.


I am on a level of elation today that will be hard to surpass, though that time will soon come. Excitement is the word of the day people.

10/02/2006
Did you see this? Here's a quote:
"In all my years of football, this has never happened to me. I've never been kicked in the face like this, and I've never seen anybody kick nobody else in the face," Gurode said.

I aint never seen nobody get kicked in no face neither...

In other breaking news, football players are generally dumb. More news at 10.

I can't believe it's October! I can't wait for the middle of this month! It's going to be so beautiful in Cleveland!

09/29/2006
I didn't know they came out with a 2006 version. If you are a nerd like me you understand all the references in there. Apparently 2007 is out. But I can't find a site at work I can get too. Flawless Victory!

So I karaoked last night. I did Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts and a stirring rendition of Welcome to the Jungle by G F'n R. You're Gonna DIEEEEEEEEEEEE. Or live. It's really up to you.

09/27/2006
People are dumb. Seriously, if you are not intelligent enough to know how to read a label, you shouldn't be allowed to feed yourself. Fat and calories are bad. Why is that hard?

Because of this... I will not be able to read food labels REAL soon. And it has nothing to do with Roids. I am just a horny bastard. This is an exact quote from the article:"Too little testosterone is bad, too much is bad but the right amount is perfect,". Thanks Mrs. Obvious. You WHORE.

Finally, Just fucking do it already T.O. Then we can change your knickname to D.O.A. ZING!

09/26/2006
Holy Mother Fuck has it been a while! Sorry about that y'all! I am back and still black though. Ok, so I am white as hell. Deal.

You know, a lot of people wonder why it's called Dredd online. You want the scoop? Lean in. A little closer. Closer still. Better now? Or now? Number 1? Number 2? Ok now that that is over... Dredd started out as my video game character when I was youngin'. It then moved online with me when I done growed up and people seemed to take to it cuz it kind of fit my online persona. A.K.A an asshole. And since my ACTUAL knickname is Beatoff, I had to go with Dredd. Or else I could have sold porn. Hmmmm... Anyone wanna make porn with me out there?

So Billy posted this on his site and I fucking love it. Now you do too:

08/28/2006
Holy shit. This is really funny. It made ME chuckle at least. I hope it does the same for you!

08/25/2006
Friday you're the best! BFF forever!

So the big talk is a new list of drunkest cities! And guess what? Ohio has 2 of the top 10! YES! Cleveland and Columbus rule! It's all those Amish people I tell you! Seriously though, I believe every word of it. I know plenty of people that have like 10 drinks or more a week. And many of them will go over 20. Including me. Sometimes.

I heard an R.E.M. song this morning and it made me think, how the fuck did they make it big? They suck! I hate them. I don't hate you though. No dear reader, you, you have a special place in my heart. Come, lets sit for awhile in front of the fireplace and discuss life and it's many mysteries. I apologize if my hands start roaming. I really can't help myself.

08/21/2006
Oh Monday. You Manic Monday you. Crazy stupid Monday. I hate you Monday. I hope you burn in hell. Fucker.

So Amazon.com went down today. That was kinda funny. I feel bad for their tech teams. If I worked for them, that wouldn't happen.

This man is a genius! A lazy retarded genius. I hope he gets sodomized. But maybe he likes that?!?!

K Fed sucks. But wait, he gets to bang Britney. But wait, he turned her white trash. Wait. I don't care about any of this. They both deserve each other. Damn hillbillies.

08/11/2006
You see this woman:

Apparently she is a rapist. I think it was consentual with a 13 year old boy. You can read about it here. Now, I would have thought, if anything, she would be arrested for eating the kid. But apparently not. I bet if it was a really hot chick, the mother wouldn't have cared. I know I wouldn't. But yeah, when she looks like that. Definitely rape.

08/08/2006
For those that haven't notice, there is a new Comments section that is now part of the wonderful land of Dredd. I encourage you ALL to use it. Enjoy it. And make fun of each other.

Apparently the site needs more boobs. I'll see if I can work on that. But I am not making any promises. I love boobs, don't get me wrong, I just don't like sharing.

08/07/2006
I would be PISSED if I was this dog and my owners submitted this picture to the front page of cleveland.com:


So I had a blast this weekend. Rafting has a lot of potential. I also got lots of drinking in and had some great conversation. All in all, it was a good time! My back may not agree with the whole sleeping on rocks thing. And my liver, well he hated me already, so fuck him!

Not much else to report at this time!

08/04/2006
I love Cobra Cammander! And well, it's kinda funny. But not overly funny. Which is OK.

So I am out all this weekend to raft down a white river of water. OR something. And I get to drink a lot. With a bunch of dudes. That's right! A weekend bachelor party in the woods! I am going to miss woman.

Welcome to my worst Nightmare. Dave hates bees.

08/03/2006
So how cute is this:

That little dog is a new drug sniffing dog in Geauga County, Ohio. The big one is Brutus and the little one is Midge (short for Midget). How crazy is that! I know I am scared. OK, not so much, but still. Neat-o!

07/31/2006
So yesterday was hot as a mother fucker. And, well, it lead me to witness one of the most disgusting feats in human disgustingness I have ever seen. So I am playing a double header and there is this really old guy umpiring. He's about 70-75. He uses this dirty old rag on his neck to collect all the sweat dripping from his head to make sure it doesn't drip down his back (I guess). And there is this weird guy batting and he hits a single that he turns into a double, but he has to slide and proceeds to get his face all dusty. Well the guy wears glasses so now he can't see. The umpire comes running out from behind the plate to see if he is OK. He notices the guys glasses all dirty and unwraps this sweaty cloth and gives it to him to wipe his glasses off. Eww. Ok it doesn't stop there. The guy then WIPES HIS FACE OFF with this old man sweat covered rag. I wanted to vomit. I want to vomit now just thinking about it. I hope you do too.

07/28/2006
I had the oddest conversation yesterday with a guy. I'm not going to say much else about that. I'm sorry, you're just going to have to deal with it. Stop pouting, that's all I will tell you. Though I will say I'm in like. No, I'm not gay. I swear. OK so I know all the songs in Grease. That doesn't make me gay though. Much.

So Northeast Ohio is a friggin disaster area right now. It hasn't stopped raining for 24 hours. My mom called me this morning crying because her basement got some water in it. A whole county is shut down because the streets are flooded. ME? I am working downtown today in the safety of a 25 story building. Try and get me NOW flood! Try and get me now.

07/25/2006
It's official. Our President is the Village Idiot. I really regret electing him. I should have elected myself, or someone else more qualified. This guy sucks. He vetoes everything that doesn't have to do with war. He's a religeous zealot. I hate that. He's no different than the crazy ass muslims in the Middle East. He just wears a suit.

So I played in the mud volley ball tournament again this year. 6 hours of drinking! YAY! Starting at 9:00 AM! I think I need to explain the duct tape thing.

You see, when you are in a foot of water which covers a layer of mud, your shoes have a tendency to stick and fall off. The Duct tape avoids this. This year I wore Aqua Socks and still needed to duct tape them!

07/20/2006
I have the sweetest desk top ever!!!

07/17/2006
Now I've
Had the Time of My Life
And I owe it all to yoooooouuuuu

So Palm Springs was a good time. Hot as fuck, but it's a dry heat. And Dallas Airport sucks it big time. We waited on the runway a total of an hour between the two layovers. Then our flight home got delayed. And they moved our boarding gate 3 times. And then I had a defensive lineman sitting next to me. He made me look like a friggin Ethiopian. Palm Springs airport is really neat. You move through these open air kiosks and stuff. And the birds get inside and they live there. And poop everywhere. And then you sit and watch people step in the poop. And laugh at them.

I love Palm Springs though. Very beautiful and some Gorgeous sites. Lots of golf and spas. Great for relaxing too. I'd love to go back! And In and Out is da Bomb Diggity! Loves it!

07/11/2006
SO I went and saw Priates of the Caribbean 2 last night. Good movie! Not excellent, but good. It was fun. But what the hell is wrong with people? There were like 6, 10-12 year old boys, sitting behind me yelling dick, fuck, faggot, gay, homo, etc. through the previews. Is this what we have become? I don't remember being like that, especially so young. My wife told them to shut up. When they didn't stop, I recommended it would be in their best interest to listen. They then moved to the second row of the theatre. And then this old lady left her damn cell phone on. And then she ANSWERS IT!!!!! And has a CONVERSATION!!!! What the fuck is wrong with people? I hate them.

OK now I feel compelled to talk about all this friggin rape stuff going on in Iraq. So I read on cnn that the U.S. condemns a video of 2 dead bodies and the people claiming responsibility because they were in the battalion of a soldier that committed rape. I don't know if you can exactly condemn that. Maybe if people weren't over there actually raping people, you'd have a great case. But when it's happening and you are indicting people, not so much. I don't know about you, but if I was in a war and soldiers were raping 15 year old girls, I'd start killing people too. But then it's also a bit hypocritical since the women over there are treated like slaves anyhow. Where am I going with this? Fuck if I know. Lets go back to me hating people. That seems to apply here too.

07/06/2006
Interesting Article for sure. I don't know if I buy it. I mean, I buy some of it, but not all of it. I do have this sense that the shit is going to hit the fan. There are all these crazy things going on in the world and everyone hates the U.S. I am a bit unsettled by North Korea/China/Russia. And then there is the whole Middle East stuff. Imagine if all those areas joined together. And then France jumped in too because they are a bunch of pussies. We'd still kick their asses, but it wouldn't be pretty!

On a lighter note, My new favorite word is "Wangsters". Having a nickname like Beatoff, I must be the Godfather of the Wangsters. So step off me bitch.

Going to Wicked tomorrow. The book was odd as shit so I am interested in seeing what it will be like. Muy Bueno!

07/03/2006
So this weekend was pretty crazy. Friday night I met up with Jeff Eamon and Billy on the rooftop of the velvet dog. I remained sober though, which was nice. Especially since Saturday Eamon, Jeff and I proceeded to drink a 36-pack at my house whilst playing cornhole for 6 hours. Then we went out and drank some more. Then apparently we came back to my house and drank even more. I don't remember that part. I was dancing though! And then I was checking my Blackberry and fell asleep in the hallway, with said Blackberry in a death grip close to my body. The devil himself would not have been able to pry it away.

Here is a pic from Vegas. Best wedding cake topper EVER! Loves it!

So if You are a girl and are reading this, I suggest you fly like the wind to iTunes and download a song called Rockstar by The Poodles off of an album called Metal will Stand Tall. It would be a good theme song for some. The album as a whole is superb, but this song happens to stand out for me.

06/30/2006
It's the end of the month.
So cash your checks and come on.
It's the end of the month.
Grab yourselves and jump on.

Speaking of BONE, that Ridin' Dirty song with Krayzie Bone and Chamillionaire is SWEET! And since I love Ridin' Dirty, it makes complete sense!

So I don't have any plans this weekend. Next weekend I am going to see Wicked and 2 Tribe games. Then the weekend after that, lots of Palm Springs love! But this weekend. Not so much. 2 softball games of course, but what's new with that? Hopefully I'll get to play some cornhole. I love that shit. Wait, that doesn't sound so good.

Can someone please explain to me what is wrong with this bitch's face?:

06/26/2006
So this weekend I played in the Cleveland Corporate Challenge Softball Tournament. We came in 4th place out of 12 teams. Not too bad, but we should have won. Our team is so strange. Very inconsistent. If we played the same the whole way through, we would have won it all. We went 3-2 in the tournament. In the 3 games we won, we run ruled the team. In the 2 games we lost, we scored 4 runs in each game. Ridiculous!

On Sunday I got my cornhole set! It ROCKS! We played for a couple hours. So much fun! We also did the whole Mentos and Diet Coke Thing. I can tell you it surely works and is VERY easy to do. And now you have the science of it thanks my handy link ;)

06/22/2006
I just found TThe coolest website EVER! It's so fun and addicting. The guys at Penny Arcade posted it. It's basically a pull of feelings out there on the internet. I doubt they pull from this blog since I don't have any feelings, but some of you may. And your thoughts may be up there. It has to start with "I feel" or something like that. I feel great. But I always feel great.

So I turned 28 on Monday. I'm kinda old now. I had a decent Birthday though. Actually, it was probably the best one I have had in a good 10 years. I worked from home, which was the BESTEST! And then I went to an Indians game and got a PRONK shirt. TITS! I hate that phrase.

Also, I am getting a cornhole set from the In-Laws for my birthday. It's like horse shoes but with bean bags and some wood boards. Best summer game EVER!

06/16/2006
This shows how much I know! I had now idea gangs were so prevailent in Cleveland. At least they have cool names! It's also nice to know, if you read the very end of the article on page 2, that "Law Enforcement is not going away." Well, thanks, I guess. Now if they would grow some balls and do this more often, that would be grand! I'm sorry, but if you know names of gangs and all the other info in that article, arrest those mother fuckers!!!!

So I got real Tan in Vegas. It's great! It's supposed to get to 120 next month there. It was 99-103 whilst I was there. Pretty damn hot. But it caused the chicks to wear less clothes, so I'm not going to complain! I went to the M&M store, which is about the coolest damn store EVER! I got a blue M&M dressed as Boba Fett. How cool is that?

06/14/2006
BACK FROM VEGAS! I'm working on the pictures, I promise! Here's my review:

I have never seen so many gorgeous woman with ugly guys. Just goes to show you how much many women love money. It's insane! Vegas is pretty fun though. Definitely more of a singles place to go or for those that love adventure, but if you are married and go with other people it can be fun too.

The pool at the Flamingo RULES! I was drinking half price Foster's and frozen daiquiri's, Margarita's, and Pina Coladas in the pool all weekend! LOVES IT! Some pretty hot chicks too. The rooms at the Flamingo are good. They get the job done. The elevator's make you feel like you will fall to your death. But whatever.

Quick note. Billy has declared Red Stripe his beer for summer. Well I'd like to declare Foster's my un-beer for life. God does it suck ass. And it was all over the place. It's like drinking pig urine. I would imagine. Cuz I have never drunken pig urine. Ever.

I enjoyed New York New York, Paris, and Aladdin's the most. They were my style. The roller coaster at NY NY was actually good. Paris has an incredible Sunday Champagne Brunch, well worth the wait! All you can drink Champgane. YUM! Aladdin's just has a lot to do and a cool mall area.

The bigger expensive hotels were very cool, but I just don't see the benefit of paying the money. I suppose you have nothing better to spend your money on... Then you should go to Coffee Bean inside Aladdin's. DELISH! I don't know if that is a word. Oh well.

People watching is fun, though there are more annoying Day Workers on the street than NYC and D.C. combined. And they are annoying as hell. Damn illegal immigrants. Get me a Big Mac or something. There was this great Bride there that looked like she was happy with her new husband. And then we saw her later with her REAL new husband. The first time she was just with a groomsmen. They were all wasted and apparently know how to share? FUCKED UP!!!

More to come...

06/07/2006
I got to go to the Indians Game yesterday! It was awesome! The seats were so good and the Indians crushed the A's! I had a few beers too. And by few I mean I had 3 22 oz. beers before the game and 2 24 oz. beers at the game. Also, they had this cool pronkville thing going on and this was the first night! It was awesome cause Hafner is my favorite Indian AND he is a huge wrestling fan. So they had the Big Show and Edge cut some promos for Pronkville. 2 sweet! LOVES IT!

06/01/2006
I want one of these. To do various things on. Like. Lounge. And. Sit. And. Bad Things.

Mommy Bunny came back last night. We got to see the whole damn thing. How she feeds them and how she covers the hole back up when she leaves. It was awesome. She's a good momma. It makes me sad that 2 of her babies ran away and 2 died. How sucky it must be to back home and find 3 out of 7 babies left. But maybe she thinks the 4 all grew up and left, and not that 2 of them died. I hope!

05/31/2006
BUNNIES! Pretty cute, huh? I think they are eating their cabbage so I think they will be alright.

What a way to travel! What you see right there, if you can't make it out, is a walker in the back of an Audi TT. Is it really a good idea to drive a car as fast as that when you can't even walk? Yet another reason to force a driver's test at 60 and repeat every 4 years. If you show up to the DMV with a walker, I'd hope you wouldn't even be allowed to take the test.

05/30/2006
Happy 4 day week! This weekend was a good one for me. I ate like a pig, including, but not limited too, a 1 lb. burger, a Bison burger (with ham, bacon, cheddar, and a fried egg), a double whopper, and chocolate ice cream with peanut butter cups, reese's piece's, and peanut butter sauce.

I also went to Washington D.C. to visit the Reid's. Good times were had by all! I have pictures but my stuipid phone is being stubborn! I'm working on it!

Also this weekend we gained new family members. I ran over a rabbit's nest and am trying to help the 5 surviving bunnies make it to adult hood. 2 of them made it fine and have run off. 3 are still left in their bunny hole. I am feeding them cabbage and hoping for their mother's return. I also make sure they have shade by cutting down branches and making them some cover. I found 2 dead bunnies. 1 I know was my fault. The other one I am not so sure. Poor bunnies.

Pictures are up! Also, I found this in the bathroom of Maggiano's. Old Skool Pr0n. Believe me, it's safe for work. How did dudes get off back then?!?!

05/26/2006
I can't wait! That's just plain damn sexy!

05/25/2006
So last night I am on my way home and I am about 5 minutes away. It's about 8:00 PM and I am on one of the busiest streets in the area. I see this old guy crossing the street as fast as his legs can carry him. And then I see a bus about 500 feet away and I put 2 and 2 together. Then I see all these assholes giving the guy a hard time, honking, crap like that. THEN the damn bus drives away and I just see this old guy give up. Fuck That! So I drive up next to him and tell him to get in and I'll take him to the bus. He was really nice and dressed in this old brown suit. It was cool. So he climbs in and we are having a bit of trouble getting to the bus so he tries to tell me to just drop him at the bus stop and he'll wait for the next bus. I'm just like, I don't think so Norman! We'll catch it. So I manage to get in front of the bus while it stops to let a couple people out and I let good old Norman out and take his time and he gets on the bus. Bye Norm!

05/24/2006
So you know those people at gas stations that drive away with the nozzle still in their gas tanks? Well I almost did that Monday night. The sad part? I almost do that once a month. I HAVE done it twice. It's pretty cool how it works. You should try it sometime!

So softball is tonight. This team is SWEET! We won 25 - 13 Monday. I went 2-4, a decent start.

This pisses me off. First, that country is a bunch of assholes. Second, we spend our time in IRAQ protecting ungrateful people. Well how about we go help some women who live in a society where Rape is OK. WTF is wrong with this world?

05/22/2006
Now that was a weekend. So Friday I spent at the Blind Pig downtown watching the Cavs lose by 2 points cuz they can't rebound. And I was drinking of course. I even busted a move or 2 with Elizabeth and Becky. Holla!

Saturday I played some flag football (we lost in the last 10 seconds), did some yard work, and then went to the Indians game. Then I went to a fraternity party where I saw more faces from the past than a trip to the History Museum. It was pretty damn awesome! I owned at flip cup too. But I sucked ass at Beer Pong. But I was seriously wasted, which is all that matters! Great times!

Sunday I went to my wife's class planting party and helped the little kiddies plant flowers. She's got some real cute kids this year. Then I took a nap. Waking up to watch the Cavs get their asses kicked, again because they can't rebound. Then went to Malloy's in Coventry to watch the Judgment Day PPV on the big screen. I stuck with Bacardi and Diet Cokes this time around. No hangover! YAY!

05/19/2006
I love how gluttony is a sport! I can't believe how Japan stole Fourth of July from us. By being better pigs. What? God I hate people.

So I have a huge party to go to Saturday. It is going to be a TRAIN WRECK!!!! Jello Shots. Kegs. Punches. DRUNKERS! Yee Haw.

This week was a busy week. Even though I didn't really surpass 50 hours worked by too much. But there was just a lot going on. And the Cavs are kicking ass. The Indians might be on a winning streak. Cleveland is bumping. Life is good.

With that I would like to leave you with this:

05/11/2006
WHAT THE FUCK! Chris gets voted off of AI? Are you kidding me? I say we boycott the rest of the season. First Reuben, then the chick after him, now this year. America, you are dumb.

So this morning it's pretty windy and I see this chick walking to school. You know how some people, like me, just cram all their crap into their books instead of folders? Will this chick did that. And then she dropped her book. Papers went flying EVERYWHERE! It was hilarious. I mean I felt kinda bad. But not bad enough to not chuckle. HA HA!

SO I am on this new multi-grain kick. I used be no-carb. But now I am low-carb and multigrain. Kinda South Beach style. So yesterday I had some Honey Oat bread at subwway, wheat crusted pizza for dinner and this morning whole wheat oatmeal. I feel like a horse.

05/10/2006
Mother Fucker. I stepped in dog shit this morning and everything now smells like dog shit. It's stuck in my nose. And everyone arounds me probably thinks I have gas or shit my pants. What a great morning!

So I think McPhee is gone from AI. She is pretty hot, but she is just so BLAH! Like a hot chick that sucks in bed kinda thing going on there. She ACTS like she would be good in bed. And there is certainly potential, but then she would just lay there or something.

How the fuck is this even possible? What the hell is wrong with our country? Something needs to be done about this kind of shit. And you know what that something is? Death Penalty for rapists. Fuck them. They ruin other people's lives. It's not like that shit goes away. And I'm not talking about that statutory rape bullshit. I'm talking about real rape here. It aint right and I am tired of hearing about this crap.

This is pretty odd too. First of all that is not a dog. If you had a real dog this wouldn't have happened. Second, how does an 11 foot snake "get free"? How do you not notice that shit? I mean, sure, no one notices when I let MY snake free, but that's totally different.

05/08/2006
Hiya! So I pulled off the trifecta this weekend, winning all three of my games. Yesterday for Softball I hit two HRs and almost had a third. Unfortunately there is this stupid rule in that league. In left field there is this ditch that they use instead of a fence. Everywhere else there is a fence, just not this 20 foot area in left. Well, if you can go over the ditch you can catch any balls hit over it, that would normally be an HR. So my first at bat I hit one over the ditch. Unfortunately I got under it and it was up in the clouds for like an hour, so the jerkoff caught it.

I think the key to this weekend was my lucky charm, my Indians hat. I wore it almost all weekend. Loves it!

So Cinco De Mayo was not the party I hoped it was. But I did get to see the Cavs win their first playoff series in 13 years. Which was awesome. BW3 was PACKED! And then yesterday they got ass raped by the Pistons. Not so fun. A bit embarrassing actually.

05/05/2006
Hola Chicas! Hoy es Cinco de Mayo. Muy Bien! Necessito Mas Corona's y Tequila. Bitchitas!

OK, so that was fun! Does everyone know about Brian Peppers? The guys at Rover Radio tried to find him this morning. I didn't get to hear if they did or not. Seriously though, that dude got his ass kicked by the ugly chain saw. Yowzers!

Did you ever get on a conference call and the people all sound drunk and retarded? I'm on one right now. What the hell are people thinking? "Hey, they can't see me, Let me take a little Sippy Sip of this Jose Cuervo!"

05/04/2006
So last night I got a new car. It's a Chevy Equinox. I love it. Damn Sexy too.

OK, so this is a Beergarita. I know it looks like I just scooped up some bubbles from a sink that had garbage floating in it, but I swear, this shit is good. And those bubbles turn to liquid goodness. You can find them at Fidel's in Windsor.

And last, but not least, Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one? If you are reading this, and you have a vagina, please don't follow that path in life. EVER.

I just read this at espn.com:
"Barnes says that if Bonds' balls aren't authenticated by Major League Baseball, collectors and auction houses will have to go back to the old way of determining ownership". I laughed.

05/01/2006
So it's may and that means softball! Yay! Had my first real game yesterday. Overall I did pretty good. Especially since this weekend I was at a Bachelor's party and spent 48 hours with a drink in my hand. At least when I wasn't sleeping. We did the Windsor. Make sure you go to Cheetah's if you ever visit. HOT HOT HOT! Bring that someone special as well as they have a couple's room...

So I need to get a new car. Chevy just announced an Equinox lease for $217 a month. Ummm, yeah. I'll take it!

Nintendo announced the name of it's new console on Friday. The Wii. This sums it up pretty well. I just don't get it. We went from Revolution to Wii. That's like me changing my name to Beatoff. OK, not the best example.

4/24/2006
Well I had a kinda crappy weekend. I got paged a few times at 4:00 AM Sunday morning. And then the same damn thing happened this morning. It was so not cool. My wife got a pinch nerve in her neck as well, also some major suckage!

I did get to play softball yesterday, which was TITS! And my team won both games. And I hit homerun. And I saw a man's ass. A few times. What could be better? That's right. Nothing. Well, I can think of one thing. But I aint telling!

4/21/2006
Hoply crap am I an idiot. I forgot my laptop at home and now I am working off a crappy loaner. It's like the Gremlin of laptops. I just hope it doesn't explode in my face.

So what is up with the new craze of pasty white men taking their shirts off? Last week at the bar this fat whitey was dancing without his shirt on. Or maybe he was doing the truffle shuffle. I couldn't tell. It was gross. Then yesterday I see this manorexic white dude running without a shirt. I was nearly blinded by his whiteness. White dudes of the world, get a tan before you take your shirt off for Christ's sake.

So I was so happy to see Ace get his ass voted off AI. Something about him just irked me. Yes, I said irked. He was just so fake. I just wanted him to take a nice big chug of shut the fuck up. Though I think he probably chugs something else.

4/19/2006
So you know what I saw on TV the other day? Only one of the best moves from my childhood, The Never Ending Story! Tell me why that movie is AWESOME. Loves it! I mean come on, where else can you see a white dog-like dragon, a monster called "The Nothing" and a child princess? This movie is right up there with the Princess Bride. Both of those need sequels dammit. The Never Ending Story had one, but it sucked ass. And it had that dumb blonde kid that was in a Chuck Norris movie. Yuck.

The Princess Bride has had a sequel in waiting for years, called Buttercup's Baby. Finish that shit mother fuckers! I think I will write a Never Ending Story sequel fit to be a sequel myself. That is my dream job, being a writer. Some day.

So Judas was a good guy after all. Crazy ass Jesus TOLD him to do it. What? The Bible is like a big soap opera. I just don't know what to make of all this. And I don't know if I care. It's not like I believe in any religion. To believe we can understand God is so asinine to me. But 2000 years ago, he sends himself down to save us.

Like things were SO much worse back then, then they are now. You know, when we have AIDS, and nuclear warfare, and pollution, and 1 zillion people, and 5,000 different religions. But 2000 years ago, when things were REAL bad, they needed God himself. With all that terrible robe wearing.

What? We don't even get Moses! Or a damn Flood with Noah! Suddenly God doesn't send his wrath or messengers?!?! Weird, don't you think? That's because God isn't going to come down here and directly interject himself in our lives. That would defeat the purpose. I would imagine. Or it wouldn't and I am a total douche bag. Either way, I am not going to pretend to know. I'm just going to believe in God, try to be nice to others, and play with myself. I mean keep to myself. No I didn't.

4/16/2006
So, Happy Easter I suppose. If you are into that sort of thing. LAst Night I got together with some fraternity brothers, guys night kinda thing. Well I didn't get there until 11:30. So I got to play catch up, which was damn near impossible. I gave it my all though faithful readers, I promise! Ben, Billy, and the Strak were absolutley PLOWED. It was great.

Friday we did the Dave & Busters thing. It was a most excellent time. And I did some yard work this weekend. Which was necessary. My backyard was starting to look like a land fill.

4/10/2006
I got to watch the Indians sweep the Twins yesterday from a Suite! A SWEET suite. With free beer. Which means I drank all 3 days this weekend. This is my idea of taking it easy apparently. God I am dumb.

So I am drinking some new Diet Dr. Pepper Berries and Cream. LOVES IT. Not as much as some things, but it is pretty damn good.

4/08/2006
So the Indians are 3-1. Fuck yeah! I love this team. The city is already excited. They have pumped Cleveland up to like it was in the 90's. And with Lebron and the Browns back, this could be the beginning of something big in Cleveland. Or everything could fall apart like it usually does and Clevelanders can start bitching and moaning again. Seriously, have fun and get drunk. Stop crying.

So Billy over at billymeade.com posted this story over at his site. I'd just like to say, congratulations Osama. You won. Possible criminal charges? How about possible shut the fuck up charges for the prosecutors in that city. Jesus.

You know what I love? Hot chicks. That is all.

4/06/2006
What's up Dredd Heads. Yeah, that's right, you mother fuckers gots nicknames and prolly didn't even know it!

Today's topic: Scientology. The most fucked up group of people you can find on the planet today. I do enjoy cults that worship aliens and suppress their women though. Seriously, what a plot for a movie! And people worship this shit. And pay good money to do it! Who's the evil genius that thought this crap up? Cuz he is my new idol. Everyone that fell for it though, I would love to kick in the crotch. Just a nice punt to the vagina or cock and balls. The nice thing is, if I do that, they aren't allowed to scream or make any noise. Dumbasses.

I am going to try and not get plastered this weekend. Well, at least not more than once. Saturday I have a fraternity re-union thingy. I know I will be loaded then. But Friday and Sunday should be all clear for soberism.

4/03/2006
Wrestlemania was pretty Fantabulous last night. Except for the part where we missed 30 minutes because Malloy's is a bunch of douche bags. Seriously, they had 3 people working to serve over 100 people. And then they lose the feed. What a bunch of assholes. I hate that place. Never again. The Edge/Foley match was the shit as was HBK vs. McMahon. I am guessing the money in the bank was awesome as well, the beginning sure was, but that is the part we missed! Fuckers.

4/01/2006
So I lose an hour today. Sweet. Isn't that fun. I hated sleeping anyways.

So I watched King Kong yesterday. Yeah, not my cup of tea. I couldn't get past the whole Jimmy/Mr. Hayes gayness. What the fuck was that all about? The movie just seemed like it was written by a deaf mute. Oh well.

Wrestlemania is tonight! And the Season opener for the Tribe! We are checking it out at the Malloy's in Coventry cuz they have a big mother fuckin screen for it. This Malloy's used to be a movie theater. It's cool but the service at this place is the worst. It's like a training ground for the "gifted".

3/28/2006
So what's up with all the illegal immigrant crap. I heard a great quote this morning. "Because we are illegal immigrants does not justify us being treated like criminals." What the fuck? Doesn't the inherent definition of illegal mean you are doing something criminal? Dumbasses.

Anyways, I have a solution. It's called New Mexico. I mean, who the hell do you know from New Mexico? There aint shit in New Mexico. So lets ship all the immigrants to NM, sign 'em up and make 'em pay taxes, then create our own little Mexico. It would be great for tourism, you could get Taco's and Corona's on the cheap without leaving the country! And don't forget the whores! HOLA CHICA! It would be great!

Hell, lets do that with every nationality. We have plenty of uselesss states. Like the Dakota's! Make them into New China, New Australia, New Africa, New Italy, New Whitey Land. Whatever the hell we want. It would be like a massive around the world party!

3/27/2006
I didn't do SHIT this weekend. I couldn't believe it. First weekend in forever and it SUCKED. Friday night was nice though. I did begin installation of a new garage door opener Sunday. It's almost done. I accidentally closed my head between the top of the door and one of the ceiling beams. It hurt. Dumbass me.

Can someone please explain NASCAR to me? Seriously. What's the point? It's not a sport. It's boring. And people die pretty damn easily doing it. I just don't get it. It's a bunch of cars going around in a circle for hours. The only exciting point is the last lap I would imagine. So why not just make the race 10 laps. Now THAT would be exciting. I guess. I still wouldn't watch. I can't decided what is worse to watch, NASCAR or golf.

3/24/2006
So I'm getting gas this morning. 2.49. And nine-tenths. Nine-tenths? What the fuck is that all about? Do they think they are fooling us? Seriously, what is the point of that? And anything ending in $.99? "Look honey, this one is only $9.99!" "But I want the $10 one!" "Sorry, we can't afford that one." Who the fuck cares! Are some people really that stupid? I guess so. Dumbasses.

So I have my Reunion coming up soon. Look at that website. Jesus. It looks like I am actually BACK in high school using AOL. I was thinking about offering to use my l33t h4x0r sk1llz to re-design it. But I don't know. High school wasn't so kind to me. But maybe I could re-design it and then put a FUCK YOU list up on it for everyone I hated. That might be fun. I do enjoy playing God.

3/23/2006
Well that little lisping Mother F-er Kevin finally got voted off last night of AI. Thank God. That little bastard has been annoying me since day 1. He would lisp on words that didn't even have S's in them! A gift to be sure. A gift from HELL!

Not a whole lot else going on. Next weekend is a big one, Friday is an all you can eat and drink bar party, Saturday is the first day of Fag Football (yes I forgot the L on purpose, DUMBASS), And Sunday is Wrestlemania. So I guess I need to rest up. NOT!

3/21/2006
It's official. I am addicted to MLB. And for once I don't mean Major League Baseball. I am talking about the Matt Lewis Band. They are really good and the song "In for a Ride" is the frickin bomb diggity. HOLLA! Or something. Anyhow, the kids seem to love them. And if the kids love them, I love them.

There is only one small problem. I feel like people are going to confuse this band with the inherently evil DMB, or Dave Matthews Band. It's the battle of the 3 letter acronyms. I fucking HATE DMB. And even more so after I caught some Winn Dixie and saw that he had a role in it. It's not really DMB that I hate so much, though I don't particularly like his music. It's the group of clones that follow him that I hate. They are like hippies. Dressed in Banana Republic and J. Crew. Which is just plain fucked up.

3/20/2006
So this was a movie weekend for me. I watched Walk the Line and Harry Potter: Tri-Wizard thing-a-majig. Both great movies. Walk the Line was great, but not what I thought it would be. I thought Johnny Cash was even more of a badass then the movie portrayed him. So I was kinda let down as it didn't seem he was this "outlaw" I was expecting. He was actually more of a "follow your heart" kind of guy. And how can you blame him for that? So the movie is more of a love story, which was not my expectation. Though a pleasant surprise.

Harry Potter I had seen in theaters. I am not an HP junky mind you. I have only seen the movies. They are just too damn good to read the books you see. If I know a big series is coming out, I ALWAYS read the books before I see the movies. I never did that with HP, and so now I can never read the books. The point of books is to use your imagination. If I see the movies first, that imagination is stymied. I hate being stymied. Hate it.

So the World Baseball Classic is coming to a close. Very interesting stuff. Cuba proved it is able to hang with the big boys. Beat them even. And the USA proved they like to get out of shape in the winter. Nice job guys! What I wouldn't give to have gone to San Diego and seen a game. Oh San Diego, the land of dreams!

3/18/2006
Damn does my head hurt! St. Patricks day times 2 is not so great of an idea. I mean, it sure is when it is happening, but then you look back on it and you are like "Did I really need to get drunkers, 3 times, for a holiday meant for a nationality that I am not a part of?" The answer to that question, is, of course, yes. Maybe even a resounding hell yes.

So then I walked home from the bar. Drunkers. About 5 miles I would say? Not really sure. It was quite a nice walk though. I enjoyed it immensely!

So, I think we should start celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. day in a similair manner. I mean come on, if anyone deserves to have millions of people getting wasted in his name, it's MLK. He changed the world and all he gets is black history month? I think not. He needs a whole day of inebriation.

3/15/2006
I'm baaaaack! Did you miss me? Of course you did freckles! Of course you did! So check out the Parties page for the Chicago celebration! It was a blast! And that is some NEON ass green river. Crazy. Man was I drunkers!

3/10/2006
Well mother truckers. I will be going to chicago Friday through Sunday for a weekend of debauchery. And lots of beer. Don't miss me too much! I'll be back. There will be pictures! HOT naked ones. Of Leprecauns. And me pots of gold. Or something.

3/9/2006
It was a prank. 10 churches set on fire due to a prank. Can you say worst sense of humor ever? Bastards. Now, instead of a million churches in this country, we only have 999,990. Bastards.

So another intereesting story on CNN this morning. Should a former Taliban member be allowed to go to Yale. What? Is that a real fucking question? NO! He should be kicked in the nuts and sent on his merry way. And by merry way I mean to a hole in the ground.

Now we have to hear about Barry Bonds and crap like this. What the hell does that show me? The guy isn't that big. You would think if he took cow testosterone or whatever he would be a beast. Or at least a small cow. But he looks like a dude that has been working out for the last 15 years. Shocking! Either way, he is a great hitter. But no one will ever be better than Ruth. Sorry Barry.

3/8/2006
So I pass by CNN on the TV this morning and what do I see? Celebrity birthdays. On CNN. Since when did James VanDerBeek's birthday become news worthy? I'm tired of our fucking worship of celebrities. It's a joke. Remember people, they work for us! Without the public they would be nothing. And looks is no basis for idolization.

You know what else I hate? This joke in the constitution about separation of church and state. Right. If that were true this douchebag in North Dakota would never come close to passing his retarded little law. Ever hear of rape, you dumbass? And I'm no homo, but I certainly support their rights. You can't control who you love. And if you try, you'll be miserable. Don't be blinded by religion. It's just another system of laws hidden by dogma. I surely believe God exists, but I guaran-damn-tee no one has it figured out yet and they just want your money and obedience.

Ha Ha! Divers found a "Blond Furry Lobster". It could only be better if it was a blond furry clam...

3/7/2006
It's Tuesday! How SWEET is that?

So baseball is getting into the "swing" of things. HA HA HA! Yeah i suck. But I am pretty excited. The Indians have another solid team this year. I think they can win the division and go really far. Solid baby. SOLID.

So our newest addition in the "How lazy can you be" contest. A fucking remote control pen. Are you kidding me? Listen bitch, no one wants to stand in line so a machine can sign their dumb book. That's just retarded. Dumbass.

3/6/2006
It's Monday! Yeehaw! Had a good weekend. Friday we went to Hairy Buffalo and Flannery's with Billy and Becky and had some beers. I finally got the Great Lakes Irish. Too bad they didn't have bottles. Bastards.

Saturday was a Murder Mystery thing. I won since I know so much about murder. MUAHAHAHA. I mean I watch a lot of CSI. And there was mother fucking TRACE all over the place! I have the new Avenged Sevenfold CD. A sweet band from the Cali. They pretty much rock. They remind me of Anthrax and Savatage. Two of my all time favorites. Shibby!

3/3/2006
Well, I got the past months thing kinda working. It aint perfect, but it's close!

I signed up for some flag football on Saturdays in the Spring. Should be a good time. That Bitch Brenna got voted off American Idol. YAY! She was just annoying. She wasn't a cool bitchy. She was an annoying bitchy. And that's not cool.

Lost was SWEET this week. I learned a lot. I still think this is an island for psychic experimentation. Like the X-men's school for the gifted or something.

3/2/2006
So yesterday was the day from hell. It sucked big old donkey balls. I work for a top 10 bank right, and one of our application had FOUR separate outages yesterday. It was sucky. REAL sucky.

So I will be doing something where you can see past month's blogs. I haven't gotten there yet. But it will be cool! So don't worry. You will get lots O'Dredd. O'Dredd means I'm Irish!